10 Year-old niece

[Maria]

My 10 Year-old niece was put on Ritalin resentlly.  My concern is that I don't think she has ADD.  The reseach I,ve done says you will notice ADD in the first 7 years of life.  In the last year she's been acting up.  I guess my question would be what is normal 10 year-old behavior?  I've only been a part of her life for 2 years, I know thats not a long time for me to notice her behavior, but, in the two years I have been around her family life has not been all that great.  Her father is very emotional abusive to her, I've heard him call her a *****, sult and much more.  She has seen her mom get beat up by her dad.  Her own mother has said she wanted to put her in a boot camp.  When I've confronted her mother about the things I see and hear about, and ask why she doesn't get out of the relationship with her husband or get help for the relationship, her respone is that she is selfish and wants him to stay and knows the kids don't like him, she just doesn't care about the girls just her needs. To me this sounds like my niece suffers from depression not ADD.  Her actting up in school and her talking back and disrespect I think is cry out for someone to love her. Now because of my concern and my talks with her mom, my niece won't talk to me cause she afraid I'll call CPS and they will take her away from her mom.  Something her dad has put into her head.  I'm the bad one. Please help!!!  Maybe if I had something to show her mom that it's normal behavior or that it's depression, then she will get the right help for her.  I might be wrong too. Thank you!!

[Kathleen Caokley]

DearMaria,
It sounds to me that your niece is simply acting out what she sees on a daily basis. If her parents can't behave it's unrealistic to expect a 10 year old to do so.I am truely shocked that her doctor didn't take into consideration her homelife before putting her on meds.
It also seems to me that she is at risk for depression and other more serious problems.The whole family needs help.It's unreallistic to beleive that someone can fix her problems without taking a look at how the family functions as a whole.
You are not helpless in this situation.You could make an anonomymous call to child protective services.It doesn't mean that the child in question will be taken out of the home,but they'll have access to services like family counciling.
If she is witnessing spousal abuse,it's only a matter of time before she becomes physically abused also.Maybe it's already happening.By not saying anything a message is being sent to your niece.Her behavioral problems could be a warning sign that she is being abused.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Maria,

The situation you describe is very worrisome. Your neice is experiencing, if your description is adequate, quite unsatisfactory parenting. It would not be an overstatement to regard such parenting as abusive.

Your neice may well display ADHD, but that does not imply that she does not display emotional or psychological disorder alongside the ADHD. It is true that ADHD is generally observable by the age of seven, but often the symptoms only become problematic (i.e., impair the child's functioning) at a somewhat later age.

I hope your neice's parents seek help, both for her and for themselves. It is unlikely this situation will have a good outcome without strong professional intervention. It is also possible that, if the situation persists, you will have no choice but to notify the child protective services (particularly if the parents do not seek help voluntarily).