10 year old boy with poor self control/attention getting issues...interfering with school

[npmom]

I have a 10-year old son who overall is a wonderful child.  He is respectful, sensitive, loving to his family and sister and a great personality.  However, since he was in first grade he has had issues with self-control in the school setting.  However, at home, it is rarely an issue.

I am constantly getting e-mails from his teacher this year about his behavior.  Mostly talking in class, rushing through his work and attention getting behavior.  He is always making jokes and trying to be funny.  He also gets overly obsessed with things (football for example--he will talk non-stop about it to the point it doesn't seem normal). I took him to therapy and the therapist thought he might be lacking from attention at home.  My husband and I have been working to make sure he gets enough.  He lives in a stable home environment.  

When I talk to my son about this, he cries and says he doesnt know why he does it or tells me he didnt do it.  I just dont get it.  This has been going on for so long now and I dont know how to get him past this.  It is really interferring with school and I am at a loss here.  I ground him, I take away privledges and nothing seems to work.  I really think he wants to change, but doesnt know how.  Please help.

[socgirl]

sounds like it could be a little bit of anxiety revolving around school issues for some reason.  The fact that you report his behaviors at home are fine, but at school is where he acts up, tells me it's something with school.  Maybe he's anxious he's not doing well enough, etc....who knows.   Have you talked to him about these behaviors?  what does he say?  He may or may not be trying to please you.  Have an open discussion with him about this issue (assuring him he's not in trouble or anything) and see what you can find out.  good luck!

[jdtm]

I, too, agree with Socgirl - it sounds as if anxiety might be the problem.  Your son says he does not understand his behaviours - "mostly talking in class, rushing through his work, attention getting behavior and trying to be funny".  These are examples of behaviours found in students suffering from anxiety.  I like to define anxiety as "intense distress which can reach toxic levels".  This high level of distress makes it very difficult for anxiety-ridden children to function appropriately in stressful environments, such as a school.  Many students with this problem require intervention, perhaps therapy and in the more severe cases,  medication in order to cope with this "invisible" disability.

I might suggest you ask your family doctor for a referral to someone who understands anxiety disorders - perhaps a child psychologist or therapist or even licensed social worker.  As your son says "he does not know how to change", so it appears he is willing to learn provided he is given the correct "tools".  I wish you the best -

jdtm

[Cleveland Mom]

He may have a problem with anxiety.  Though anxiety would present itself at home as well if it was clinically significant.  He may be displaying developmentally immaturity when it comes to social skills.  If this is the case these issues will resolve over time.  Did the therapist you were seeing suggest or talk about any issues of anxiety?

[Cleveland Mom]

Another thought, you mentioned that he talks obsessively about football, a tendency towards obsesssions can be indicative of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which is on the anxiety spectrum.  You need to consult a mental health professional to sort the issues out if they are interfering with his overall functioning at school and/or at home.  You didn't describe what the attention seeking issues were that may factor in, in terms of whats going on with your son.

[jdtm]

"Though anxiety would present itself at home"

Re your above statement - in some anxiety disorders as social phobia (which I suspect is this child's issue), anxiety would not be displayed in environments which are perceived "safe" for the person - only those deemed "unsafe" as school.  But, you probably are correct about the "developmentally-delayed social skills" point - a common problem of children suffering from social anxiety.  

[Cleveland Mom]

Yes, you are correct about social phobia presenting itself in only certain situations, selective mutism, of course presents only in specific settings i.e. school.  Thank you!