10 year old daughter with anger and jealousy

My ten year old daughter who I know loves me very deeply can be very mean to me at times.  She has been my more "difficult" child since birth, frequent crying as an infant and tantrums all which have gotten reasonably better to deal with as she got older.  She is a FANTASTIC high functioning student that never receives a single disciplinary comment, only extremely positive feedback.  She is VERY strong willed and extremely self-disciplined with all tasks. But she can be very mean and critical, specifically to me (her mother), intentionally at times trying to say things that are hurtful to me or make me feel bad like that I am old, that my clothing looks bad or that I am in some way a bad mother.  Up until six months ago she was overweight and has always seemed "jealous" of me, my figure, my clothing, my friends, the fact that I'm a younger, attractive mother.  She has also said things like "why can't you be like the other OLD Moms?"  She has recently tried very hard and lost 20 lbs. and looks fantastic, but still carries this grudge with me.  She also has anger issues, and once she is very angered, she does not care what she does or says and does not even care about the consequence of her actions and will lash out, whether she will be punished or not.  The more I try and discipline this anger fit, the more it escalates.  I left her father 5 years ago when she was 5 because of extreme anger and violence issues.  Should I get a therapist involved?  Her father saw a therapist when he was a teenager for approximately 10 visits, refusing to speak a word the entire time.  I have talked to her about having someone to "talk to" and she is also against the idea.  She seems to have the same "privacy" thing that he does and does not like to talk to outsiders, but will talk to me about ANYTHING once she calms down.  She tells me "I don't mean it when I get angry and start to say those things I just get so mad I can't help it."  What can I do?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, this is the sort of situation that invites prfessional intervention and it would be wise to seek counseling to help both you and her.