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10 year old son made a porn video with a younger boy.
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10 year old son made a porn video with a younger boy.

I was restoring my boyfriend's 11 year old son's computer and when I was backing up his pictures and videos onto the external hard drive I found a video he'd made with his web cam a year ago. In it he was with a younger boy whom I do know. My boyfriend's son (who at the time was just about to turn 10) was bending the other boy over and putting his penis in his butt. Later in the video he had the younger boy "suck it". The younger boy seemed willing-ish to participate in the game, but was also the one being told what to do.

I showed the video to his father, who is very upset as well as I am. He also has a 5 year old boy and 6 year old girl. I have 3 year old boy, 7 year old boy, and 10 year old girl. I have already taken my kids aside and asked them general questions about sexual play in a very nonchalant way. There was no mention of sexual play with my boyfriend's son.

There was also a previous incident where his daughter's half brother (lives with his aunt) had touched her in sexually inappropriate ways. The step brother was 7 at the time. There was sort of an investigation but CPS said since he was 7 at the time, there was nothing they could do, except order them to not be at their mom's house at the same time.

My boyfriend is unsure of how to approach this with his now 11 year old son. We don't want to scar him but we know it needs to be addressed asap, especially since there are 5 younger children living under the same roof. I was thinking maybe show him the video and ask him about it in a non accusatory way? What should his dad say to him? Should he be reprimanded/ Punished? Or just talked to? According to the time stamp, this video was recorder 13 months ago and he just turned 11 yesterday. Please help.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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2171203_tn?1337279474
There was a typo, I DON'T know who the other boy was that was involved in the incident.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh my.  This I am sure was a horrifying discovery for you.  I can't imagine seeing my child or step child doing this.  Basically, he molested a  younger child on film.  He too has probably been molested at some point.  Child on child molestation is a typical cycle that begins when someone has had this done to them.  Very sad.  

so, you need to sit him down and ask him why he made the video.  Where did he get the idea.  Has he seen anything like that before?  Has anyone done those things to him?  Who, when, all those questions.  Ask who the boy is as well.  I think this would be good to explore with a child psychologist as well.  In fact, I think it is essential.  He needs some help.

You don't punish him per se but you need to find out why this happened and if it has happened to anyone else (on or off camera).  

You would be wise to NEVER leave him with another child for the time being.  Yep, he gets his own room even if it means all the other kids sleep on the floor of his dad's bedroom.  No friends sleeping over.  No closed doors to play in day light.  He's under tight supervision.  Again, not to punish, but to protect other kids.

This is something that needs addressed and he needs help.  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
      Yes, this is certainly not a normal situation.  And to me, what makes it even more bizarre is that it was filmed.  Maybe I am technologically out of touch, but this strikes me as unusual.   And the reason why he was motivated to film it should be explored.  One thing I would do is hit the "info" on the video and see when it was filmed.  It might give you the time and date which might help you figure out what is going on.  The other HUGE question here is was somebody filming this?  Ya, a camera could be set up on a tripod, but if it looks like the camera was zooming in or moving around at all, then someone was behind this.  AND THAT SOMEONE IS VERY IMPORTANT to what is going on.  As I said, I think that it is somewhat unusual for a 10 year old to do all of this without some kind of prior experience or prompting.  So I agree with specialmom completely.  You need to find out what is going on.
     By the way, how was this filmed?  Does he have the equipment to do so?  Check his sent emails to see if he has emailed the video to someone or if he got the video from someone.  Look at everything he got or received around the date on the video.  
    Opps, just noticed you said web cam.  Well, that should eliminate another person - except for where he got the idea.  However, I would still look to make sure that the video was stationary the whole time.  I would assume it had to happen in his room if it was done with his web cam?
    And yes, you don't punish.  You do find out what is going on.
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2171203_tn?1337279474
After closer review of the video, the other boy is my boyfriend's ex's son, who is only 2 years younger and 8 at the time of the incident. You can tell by watching the video that they were not being forced to do this by a 3rd person, it was their idea.

Though I do appreciate both of your responses, we already know all the stuff you are righting about, however, I would really like to hear from the Dr. What we are really wanting to know is how to go about talking to him about this. Like I said before, we don't want to humiliate him or scar him in any way.

We already know that he is going to be embarrassed and may get angry and defensive, he's going to feel like he's being cornered and attacked.
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1169162_tn?1331235953
Just a reminder that there are no Dr.'s providing professional advice on this site.  People can, and have, given you helpful advice, but this is not the place to come for a professional opinion.  There is another section on Medhelp called "ask the experts" where you can ask a professional - but I believe that there is also a cost involved.

It is clear that you both care about this boy and that neither of you have the intent to punish or shame him - I think this will be very clear to him when you speak with him.  I would not show him the video, but I would calmly talk with him about it (asking all of the questions special mom mentioned), emphasizing your concern for him.  I would approach him in a "we are worried about you"  sort of way rather "what have you done?" way.

I don't think you can or should try to prevent all negative feelings - I don't think you can avoid it and negative feelings are a normal reaction to what has happened, including shame.  But I do think that you can do this without humiliating and scarring him.  Given what you have already mentioned, I am would be surprised if that happened.  Be caring, calm, and supportive.

I also recommend having him see a good counselor, if only for a few times, to try to get to the bottom of this, and of course, you have to tell the parent of the other child.  
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2171203_tn?1337279474
My apologies, I thought I had posted this question in the "ask the experts" forum. I agree with everything everybody has said, but as I said, it's all stuff we already knew. I would have given anybody else the same advice, I just really think this is a subject for a professional. Again, I DO appreciate the feedback and thank you all very much for your time.  We do plan on having him go to counseling, there is a waiting list. (Small town).

I will try reposting this in the experts section. Thanks.
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Avatar_m_tn
    Thanks for getting back to us and your kind words.  I am proud that our members stepped up and tried to help.  I hope things work out for you and the kids (I think they will).  We will always be here if you have any other types of questions.  Best wishes.
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