10 year old wants to die

My ten year old son has been diagnosed with Anxiety disorder and often comes home from school traumatized by being bullied and teased at school.  He often talks about wanting to die and commiting suicide and has even asked me if I wanted to commit suicide how would I do it.  This morning I had a heart to heart with him, his mood was calm and he was open to discussion about suicide.  He said that twice he has tried to do it, once in the lake where he tried to drown himself and once were he took a knife to his throat.  I asked what stopped him and he said he was too scared but wanted to do it.  Last spring when he was assessed by a child phychiatrist he was too embarrassed to be honest with all the questions and didn't admit to his thoughts about suicide and other things, so I don't think the phychiatrist and the counsellor he is seeing is taking this very seriously even though I have told them I think it is serious.   I am so very scared, do you have any advice for me?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Yes, this is quite serious and should not be dismissed. ASAP broach this with the school adminisrators - they have to take action to stop the bullying and they can do this only if they are informed about what is occurring. Arrange an urgent session with your child's therapist, partly to evaluate if he should undergo inpatient evaluation. This is not the sort of thing to try to finesse - it has to be handled in a vigorous, straightforward manner.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

While I am sure you know this, be sure your son is very closely supervised. At no time should he be left unsupervised at home, walking home from school, etc. You have to ensure eyeball supervision.

[wolftrak]

Thank you for your advice.  Should I consider home schooling or would that just hinder him from learning coping mechanisms and social skills and make him more anxious about being in social situations?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

I can't responsibly guide you about that issue in the absence of evaluating your son, but in a general sense I would tend to lean in the direction of helping him acquire the skills to cope with a normaliozed school environment vs. removing him from the environment.

[wolftrak]

Discussed my concerns with my sons counsellor.  She said that I need to give some 'tough' love, that we are feeding his anxiety when we discuss his worries.  She suggested that we develop a no tolerance attitude when it comes to discussing his worries or talk about suicide.  I got the impression she thinks his talk about suicide is his way of getting what he wants, although she didn't outright say this.  This could be true, but I would never forgive myself if it weren't and I had to suffer the consequences of it.  How can one tell if talk of suicide is real or if my son is just 'playing us'?

Thank you so much Dr. Kennedy

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

To a certain extent you can never be sure. However, parents' instinct are important sources of knowledge. It might help to discuss this matter in more detail with his therapist, so that you can learn more about why she is giving you the guidance she is.

[wolftrak]

Thank you for your suggestions and input.  I will meet with the therapist again next week.