10 yr old adopted chinese female

[ipv]

My daughter was adopted from China at 11 mos. of age where she experienced profound neglect and starvation. She was our only child for 5 yrs & recieved lots of love & attention. When she entered school she had a lot of difficulty making friends so eventually we switched schools and sought therapy. She kept missing social cues from the kids. With evaluations and therapy we found out that she was not able to read facial expressions, has auditory memory deficiencies, visual memory deficits, & significant reading comprehension problems including phonemic unawareness. She also had noticeable difficulty focusing on any schoolwork. Also, with all our evaluations no one has confirmed a diagnosis of ADD/Dyslexia. We've enrolled her in a reading program which helped significantly. However, she still has no real friends who call to play. They don't return her calls, when she attempts to see kids out of school. She's been active in soccer, & volleyball & is quite the athelete. We have attacked the reading problems w/improved results, she is very good in math. However, she requires that we sit with her for everything associated with homework. She won't do it unless there is someone there. She's constantly seeking my attention for even the slightest things. This has always been the case since even before her brother came from China. He does not demonstrate any of the issues she faces. My husband & I feel there is some mild-mod. attachment issues. We've worked on it, but she still shuns affection, & hugs are on her terms. Lastly, she never shows any kindness (she's not cruel or mean)to others or her brother (in fact they get along quite well). There is  just no real thoughtfulness toward others. We worry that she will have difficulty connecting with others as an adult & will not form attachments as she should. We got a dog 2 yrs. ago which she is affectionate with but that's about it.
I feel that we have worked diligently to address each issue for her but the attachment and social issues remain. Should I put her back in therapy with a specialist for childrens social problems? I think to a degree she'd benefit from a class with others on things like this. We can never make up for the first 11 mos. but there must be something we can do to help her feel attached & likeable to other kids. Are there any books or studies that I can read up on to further help her? Her teacher feels that we've done all we can do but I don't agree. The attachment/social aspect is still not being addressed properly. While the initial therapist was helpful in identifying some things we no longer see her as she didn't have enough experience with adopted children. Thank you in advance for any tips to help my daughter.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It may well be that you have put your finger on the main problem in the social/emotional domain - a limitation in her capacity to display mutuality in relationships. This is not an unusual result of the sort of early upbringing your daughter encountered.
It would probably help your daughter to participate in a therapy group designed to 'teach' social skills or social problem-solving. This is a form of cognitive-behavioral treatment that is designed to enhance a youngster's social skills. It may be very difficult to compensate for the emotional 'damage' that resulted from the inadequate parenting of the early years, but it is possible for children to learn effective social behavior.

[Dad2Maria]

I would definitely recommend trying a social skills group for your daughter. My 3.5 yr old daughter is in a social skills group with kids from 3 to 6 yrs old, some who are on the autism spectrum and some that are just developmentally delayed. I believe they typically run these sessions for different age groups (including teenagers) depending on the clinic, you just have to do some searching to find them.  Another suggestion is to try to set-up therapy with just one other child first, which is less intimidating than a large group and may be a helpful intermediate step.