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10 yr old girl has never had a friend
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10 yr old girl has never had a friend

my 10 yr old grandaughter is so lonely. she has never had a friend, never been invited to a birthday party and always plays alone on the playground at school. it breaks my heart. she tries way to hard to cling on to anyone that does play with her so they feel she is overbearing. she is immature for her age and I believe it is because her mother left her when she was four and she has been raised by father, spending much of her time with me.her mother has only bothered with seeing her few times a year and i am sure this is much of the problem.  she feels she is a burden on whoever she is with because she is always scooted from her dad, to me to my daughter and she copes with it by living in her own little world . i have no authority to get her into counseling and my son thinks it would mean she was "weird" if she went to mental health. i believe she has ADHD or something like that. He says she doesnt but again it is because he thinks that would mean something was wrong with her.  She says nobody wants to be her friend because they say she is annoying, she knows she is different and she never tries anymore to play with anyone. I have her in Girl Scouts and dance but she still doesnt make friends, and there are no kids in my neighborhood and she doesnt have many in hers but she is stuck in her bedroom most of the time playing video games, watching movies or doing something alone.  please tell me how i can help her learn not to get so excited and loud and not to grab people so much so they will want to play with her.

i


This discussion is related to My 9 year old girl is having trouble making and keeping friends.
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I would really recommend some sort of "big sister" mentor program for kids that is pretty much available everywhere. Check your local YMCA or look it up on the internet for your area. All you do is enroll her into the program and they pair her up with an older girl (usually its really freindly and sociable girl in highschool that are on the honor roll that would make a great mentor and role model) and what they do is meet up once or a few times a week to sort of "hang out" and do something fun and meaningful. But its not just about going out with a "big sister" to have fun, its mainly an excellent way to boost your girls self esteem and sort of teach her how to better handle herself in social situations with the guide of an older and more experienced girl she can trust and befriend. Look at it as a sort of freind for your girl to learn how to be a friend to others and attract more to her.

I think its an excellent program and will do wonders to help your girl feel better about herself, feel acceptance, and learn how to gain that acceptance from others that she wants so badly. It will also help her to become more confident and more "at ease" with herself so she doesn't overwhelm other girls so much. I hope this helps! Let me know if I can offer you any more advice.

Charity
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Avatar_m_tn
Well Nana, Im no ecpert but i can say this for sure. I have a 10 year old step sister that is about the same. Sweetest girl you could ever meet but on the social level she is a loner! She has spent most of her life with her adopted parent which is her biological aunt, my wife was also adopted by her aunt. they are great parents but they are older. not untill this year has she ever been asked to goto a fellow students party and much like your daughter played with her self and did the same things at home. i was a little concerned at first but was told that becuase she spent most of her time with her adopted parent which are older in their 70's this is what was the norm for her. she is very sweet and we also tried getting her to play sports, dance, and others to get her in the social mode. but no luck. but this yer is the turn around she is actually getting friends and starting to play with others. i would suggest having a party for her invint only a few friends and observe from that and see what plays out. i think the two girls are very similar and from your statemnet i think that she spends more time with you and there is nothing wrong with that! hold in there!
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Avatar_m_tn
One thing is for sure- she is lucky to have you in her life!  I'm glad someone can see what she is going through.  I was very similar socially to your granddaughter.  My best friend was my Me-Ma.  She taught me everything I know and showed me how to be a girl.  If the mother is MIA (even just emotionally) then a girl doesn't know what to do with herself.  If you lived nearby I would have her over to play with my two daughters!  My youngest daughter is a bit of a loner- she just doesn't tolerate other girls who in her words "want to control my brain".  I love her strength but I worry she will isolate herself.  Be careful with the party..it is devastating when an even like that is planned and no one shows up.  Trust me on that one!  Good luck to you!
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Avatar_f_tn
This breaks my heart!  I was a shy child who had few friends and rarely got invited to parties.  I was very shy.  My daughter had many friends in first grade but many don't bother with her in second grade and I don't know why.  Have you tried invited a girl over one at a time?  This may help others get to know her one on one.  Perhaps counseling may also help, if the father will agree.  I feel for you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Just tell the they are going to be o.k.  It is heart breaking to see and hear these precious children want to be loved.  I kept in touch with "ONE" girlfriend from high school.  Being a kid isn't easy.  Just love them and listen to their words.  Get assistance if you need to.  I just read to put them in a YMCA Mentor Program.  Anyway, God Bless All of US.

Back when we were young... we didn't watch much TV.  We would go outside and play...whether it would be by yourself (which isn't so bad, you have to love yourself first),
a friend (which they come and go like the clouds) or your neighbors (and you know you can't choose them)
Encourage activities... go outside and see the sunshine.  K
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