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11 year old son lying to me and teachers
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11 year old son lying to me and teachers

My 11 year old has began lying and has done poorly this year at school.  Moved from a school with a class size of 25 + to 12.  Assignments are done quickly and messily.  He yells at me and plays dumb when I question him on what his assignment is and try to help.  He has an assignment journal he is to fill out everyday- he hasn't done this all year.  He doesn't bring home books to study from- he doesn't consider this homework.  It is now to the point were I am writing back and forth to his consultant teacher - (He has a 504 plan)classified other health impared.  He has been tested and he scored average for his age and grade level 5.  He is below average in math computation.  I hired his consultant teacher to tutor him afterschool.  My son then began telling the teachers that he didn't have to do what they wanted him to do in class that he could do it in tutoring.  The teachers them began noticeing he wasn't trying anymore.  The tutor is now unable to work with him- saying she has meetings afterschool and that the school frowns on her coming into my home - I don't know if I believe her- she also said that paying a tutor would be a waste of money since his ability is there it's his attutide.
We have cut him off from his game cube taken away his gba and limit TV time - the only thing he has left is his dogs.  He has no interest in sports and we only have few neighbors (rural area)
with young children.  I hired a guy I work with who has a k-6 certificate to work with him in Math- His Dad is one of my sons old teachers(Math) whom my son admires greatly.  
What else can I do?
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In September it will be important to tighten up on the requirements around (a) recording his assignments and (b) bringing home with him whatever materials, particularly books, he requires for his assignments. If it's necessary, ask his teacher to sign off each day on his agenda book. It's important that you not be left holding the bag, so to speak. You need to know what he's been assigned, so that you can monitor his work. The 'work before play' approach is sensible - keep on doing that. Each day, he should have access to his electronic devices once he demonstrates that he has completed the work. Do this a day at a time. If you take away privileges for stretches of time you lose your leverage. Also, you might ask the school to establish a homework line parents can call to learn about the homework each day. An alternative to this is a web site that lists the same information. Many schools are now doing these things - it's a major help to parents!
4 Comments
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Treat him like a liar, Dont trust what he says, ask him, but question it, keep constant contact with teacher...it will stop sooner or later...
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Avatar_f_tn
I am having this problem with my ADHD daughter, to some extent. We do have school agendas, but the teachers in middle school have told me that the child is expected to remember to bring it to the teacher to be signed, the teacher will not remember for her. I tried to explain that she has what amounts to a short term memory problem and they really can't expect her to remember this, but they refused to help. You will run into problems once your child goes to middle school. Definitely get something else in place that does not rely on the child to transmit information to you. Of course, make it a fall back - if he knows that you are going to get the homework assignment anyway, he is not going to bother to write it down. There are other alternatives - homework buddies in each class, teacher posted websites, but these are only as good as a teacher's motivation to update it, special phone numbers where a teacher can record the day's homework and anyone can call in to hear it.
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School is out now, my son is going to a tutor for math and the tutor says he's giving it 100%.  I'm still having problems with him doing the small assignments the tutor gives on his own.  I'm constantly telling him he needs to do it on this day and at this time.  He belly aches and says he "forgets" how to do the problems.  I'm angry with him for making my life revolve around him, at 11 I was hoping to have some freedom.  I have to tell him every morning to follow a list I wrote up of his morning routine.  I had to beg my employer to let me come in later because my son isn't responsible enough to get himself on the bus.  BTW what is the normal age for this? Is there a medical reason why he just doesn't get it and do it.  I find myself yelling at him about the same things and feeling that he is just hopeless.  
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A related discussion, 11 1/2 year old lies and denies behavior was started.
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