11 Year Old Daughter who is so upset about going to school in the morning.

She is a model 6th grader straight A's. Fusses with her little brother. Very shy few friends but seems to be content and happy. Recenty I had a scare with my health. She doesn't want to leave me she is afraid she is going to leave something. This has been going on all week. Her stomach hurts her and she cries. She cried so much this morning she vomited. We made her go to school. She called home from school wanting medcine for her eye. Just anything to see me or come home I think.  This happened when she was in second grade it took awhile but we finally worked thru it with her. She cries and ask me what's wrong with me Mommy. I told her I thought it was an emotional release because she had been so worried about me. Now she ask when will this emtional relase stop. I am not sure whether i need to seek a counselor for her. I have ask to meet her homeroom teacher. My husband spoke with her today breifly. She is a sensitive child I just want to do what is best for her. The stomach ache is real and so are the tears and the fear in her eyes. Please let me know what I can try or should do - Thanks Worried Moma

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Harmon,

History is usually the best predictor of how a youngster will respond to a set of circumstances. Your daughter is displaying some separation anxiety, triggered by your illness and your daughter's anxiety about your safety (underlying this is a fear that you will die). Consequently, she doesn't want to be away from you.

You are doing the correct thing to gently, but firmly, insist that she attend school. Reassure her in practical ways that you are OK. Arrange a time during the day when she can briefly call and touch bases, to eliminate her contriving situations to come in touch with you.

As has happened in the past, this reaction will abate as your daughter sees that you are fine. I don't think there's any need right now to consult a professional. If the situation doesn't ease up after a few weeks or so, a consultation might be in order.