11-Year-Old Only Child Having Sleep Problems

[MamaB]

My 11-year-old only child has begun to have sleep problems.  Within the past month, she has had difficulty falling asleep.  She also wakes during the night and cannot get back to sleep.  She had originally said that the shrubs on the side of the house had been scaring her (when its windy, they rub against the siding and make a "fingers on the chalkboard" sound).

We had been discussing updating her room for several months and it was decided (by her) to move into another room altogether.  We purchased new bedding (her choice) and a new paint color.  We spent all of last weekend painting and getting the room finished.  The first night she was to sleep in her new room, she couldn't get to sleep.  She said she was "scared".

All week, we were able to work it out.  Her Dad or I read to her prior to falling asleep.  She woke only a handful of times during the night.  Last night, however, was horrific.  My husband read to her and when he felt it was an appropriate time to stop, he said goodnight and told her to sleep well.  (I was in our room reading).  She asked him not to leave and began to cry.  He read to her for ten minutes more and thought she had fallen asleep.  When he tried to leave the room, she woke and began to cry again.  He then told her to go to sleep, reminded her that I was in the next room reading and went downstairs.

She cried and cried (and she's not a crier!).  I finally had had enough and went into her room to get the story myself.  She said she was "scared" again but couldn't tell me of what.  She also said that she was "lonely" and that I had someone to sleep with but she didn't.  I reminded her that even though I had a brother, I had my own room and my own bed when I was young.

She finally asked if she could sleep in her old room.  Once moved, she quieted down and fell asleep even though it wasn't her bed or her "things" in the room.  Once, she woke during the night but went immediately back to sleep.

What's the deal?  She's an only child, spoiled to a point, but not "spoiled".  She's a good kid.  Her grades are good (honor roll) and she is well liked by her peers.  My husband and I have a strong marriage.

I know the "only child" syndrome is not it.  She did get her period just before going to bed last night (she's been menstruating for over one year).  Could that be it?  Hormones??!!??  Please give me your insights.  Thank You . . . Thank You . . . Thank You.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You may need to allow some time to go by before knowing for sure what is happening. Such separation anxiety at this age, in a girl, can certainly be related to developmental issues, but more often are associated with some psychosocial stressor (of which the child is often unaware). Chief among such stressors are changes in their physical or social environment, losses, friendship crises, academic pressures. It is likely that this phenomenon is transitory in nature, and you want to be careful to remain faithful to customary routines and not make too many or too marked adjustments. Such changes in routine can exacerbate the problem and contribute to the development of habits that become hard to break.

[daz123]

A related discussion, why my 11 year old wont sleep was started.