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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
11 year old wanting to sleep with his dad.
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
11 year old wanting to sleep with his dad.
by Carol Moore, Aug 21, 2000 12:00AM
My boyfriend's eldest son, 11-1/2 years of age (I will call Tim),has a younger brother 10 yrs, lives with his mom in Ohio._ is now living with his dad for the fist time as of Jan-2000. His father has always kept intouch, always would visit once a month or more often if possible every other week. The son lived in VA, BEACH, and he lived in MD, about a 5 hour drive. John, the father did also travel at times for work. The question? I have been staying at his home since he has gotten custody of Tim, trying to help out, ect. Tim, always wants to sleep with his dad, it did not start right away, it is now happening every night. When I am not there, his father lets him sleep with him. When I am there he tells him he can not, but Tim always finds a way to sneak in, or says he can not sleep, he does have medication to help him sleep, but we do not like to give this to him. His mother had the prescription. I am confussed, because when he went back to VA,Beach to visit his friend for a week, we never heard a word from him. I would think that being away from home, would be worse. ??? I told Jim i do not think it was a good idea to let Tim sleep with him even though I was not there. He just gets defensive. Tim does not seem to have a problem liking me. But I do know for a fact that he dislikes his mothers boyfriend, he does not hide the fact from no one. They were suppose to get married this year, (it was cancelled) Tim told his mother he was not going to the wedding. NOTE: They have been divoreced since Tim was 3 years old. NOTE: I like Tim, but I can see he is a manipulator. I also see that I get more attention from Tim when his younger brother is with us. Well enough of this, main question, what do we do about the sleeping situation??? HELP!!
Carol
Carol
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Aug 22, 2000 12:00AM
, Aug 22, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Carol,
To address only your specific question, it's not wise for a child this age to be sleeping with a parent. The sensible approach is to calmly, without criticism, insist that he sleep in his own bed, and stick to this plan without fail.
Now, the particular circumstances in the family certainly complicate matters, but this needn't get in the way of establishing a sensible sleeping plan. To address the overall situation, it might be wise to seek some professional help - there's a lot to sort through.
To address only your specific question, it's not wise for a child this age to be sleeping with a parent. The sensible approach is to calmly, without criticism, insist that he sleep in his own bed, and stick to this plan without fail.
Now, the particular circumstances in the family certainly complicate matters, but this needn't get in the way of establishing a sensible sleeping plan. To address the overall situation, it might be wise to seek some professional help - there's a lot to sort through.
> it's not wise for a child this age to
> be sleeping with a parent.
Unfortunately, this is not supported by science.
Dr. Louie Scrapinetti, MD, Sacramento California