11 yr old steals and lies on a regular basis

My ll year old daughter came to live with us when she was 6 yrs old and was adopted (that was the intention from the time she was removed from her home and placed in a foster home at age 3) by us shortly after. After a very tough settling in time it was determined that she was AD/HD. She has been on ritilin since she was 7. Socially, she is bossy, loud, and does not have any really close friends. She often makes bad choices. At school she annoys other students by talking and distacting them from their work (she often doesn't get hers done either). At home she is usually moody. Even in play she never seems very happy. She will lie, and lie, and lie when the consequences of her misbehavior was not that big of a deal. She will make it into a huge ordeal by lieing or will clam-up. She began stealing money from me, her Mom, this year. Her father and I think she might not know why she lies as she does. She certainly does not give us any insight into why she has begun to steal my cash or why she continues to lie, even about trivial things. One counselor in the past, told us to make light of the lieing, make it not a big deal. Tried it. Didn't work. And it is a big deal. And the stealing is also a big deal. She is not remorseful, just upset that she was caught. I am at the point now that I do not like her at all and avoid talking with her or being around her. This, I know, is not healthy for either of us or our family (brother 9, sister 8). What do you suggest?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When things have reached a point where your bond with your daughter is compromised, you know that something is very wrong. Now, she may be displaying the symptoms of what will ultimately be diagnosed as a personality disorder, most of which have their origins in inadequate or ambivalent attachments during the first few years of life. Such youngsters require an inordinately high degree of supervision, structure, etc. Another possibility is mood disorder, and this would be treated via a combination of therapy and medication, as well as environmental measures. Continue to pursue professional intervention, particularly to pin down the diagnosis. Otherwise it's difficult to construct a reasonable plan for intervention.

[gina548]

A related discussion, lieing and stealing was started.