11yr boy ADHD scared of normal stuff now...

my son is under evaluation by his doctor, and i'm about to loose my mind. Up till about 7 mo. ago, my son had normal activites that he was doing. Something bad happen to him concerning a grandparent that he lookup too. Now we don't have much communication with that grandparent that my son thought was the greatest. I am now realizing he has (my son) ADD/Adhd, but now he is afraid of things that he shouldn't! I want my son back! Doc started him on meds, lite dose, my question is? Will addaral, help with him not being himself ( scared ), i tried putting him in regular school, that didn't work, and realized he is socailly behind. He acts some what younger for his age and he isn't the same kid anymore...anyone out there going through the same things or have? please tell me if this is going to get better or have i lost my son, and this new kid is here to stay.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, you don't say what he is afraid of and exactly what the changes are that you are seeing.  That would be very helpful.

My son has sensory integration disorder which can look like adhd/add as both involve the nervous system but it is a bit different.  He has had things that he had unreasonable reactions to.  Hand washing for example.  He also can have 'fight or flight' reactions to things.  His nervous system can process something in such a way that it is overwhelmingly unappealing.  But I'd think you'd have seen this over the years.  Could adderall (adderrall) make it more pronounced?  I don't know.

Sensory can often be present with add/adhd by the way.  My son only has sensory integration disorder----  so he is not on medication.

My son also did not naturally come about his social skills.  I had to work with him to teach them to him.  We practiced a lot.  I'd take the of a peer and we would/do work through scenarios.  I'd say that at times he has appeared younger than his peers and we work hard to get him up to speed. We talk about appropriate responses/reactions.  Crying when you lose a game, for example, would be inappropriate (he's 7).  Then we talk about how to handle it the right way.  I set up lots of opportunities to mix with peers. I'm friendly with his friends parents.  I keep it a close community which has helped.  I try to stay 'in the know' for what kids my sons age are into and keep him in tune with that.  It helps socially.  

And if he is going through emotional stress, that obviously can take a toll as well.  I would not discount his over neediness or whatever it is exactly that you are seeing to have something to do with that.

Questions about his medication are good to ask his doctor and counselor.  good luck

[Sandman2]

   Well, gotta state the obvious first.  He will always be your son - you haven't lost him.  You are gonna have to always remember to love him and support him to deal with his problems.  Its not the same, but I remember when my daughter turned 14 and its like where did the sweet little kid go?  Took a while, but she's back as a sweet grownup.
   Anyway, to answer your question.  He has apparently suffered a shock with the grandparent.  ADHD meds are not going to help him get over that scared feeling.  He really needs professional help for that if these fears continue.  
And by professional help, I don't mean a pediatrician.  What kind of a doctor is he seeing anyway?  Specialmom has given you some great ideas to help him deal with his reactions (and here the meds will help make him less spontaneous).  Kids don't know how to react to certain conditions and need to be shown - so her ideas are right on.
   I am also curious as you said, "i tried putting him in regular school, that didn't work, and realized he is socially behind."  Does that mean that he was not in regular school the whole time? or only since the incident with the grandparent?  What kind of a school was he in?
   Finally, (and one reason for the school question I asked above) AD/HD will gradually build up co-existing disorders in a child.  If a kid goes through 3,4 or 5 years of schooling not being able to do the work that they feel they should be able to do.  If they continually go through the school day being judged inadequate, etc.  It really does effect their personality.
   In, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley (p.53), she says that: 10 to 30 % of the kids are depressed;  25 to 30% have anxiety disorder; 60% have learning problems; 66% have a second disorder.  The point being that one reason (besides the grandparent trauma) for him not  "being the same kid anymore" is due to the cumulative effects of AD/HD.  Meds alone are only part of the answer.  Information is the key here, and the book I mentioned above is a good starting place.  Also, if the only doctor you are seeing is a pediatrician, I think its time to think about a good pediatric psychologist.  He may need the counseling.  You could use the information he can give you to help him.  He certainly needs to learn skills to help him overcome his anxieties.  Hope this helps.