12 son will not listen

Posted by cindy szabo on July 28, 1999 at 18:43:02
I am concerned about my 12 year old son, he is constanly harassing everyone in the family. when he is being punished I  send him to his room and he always makes the coment he wishes he were dead  or why don't I kill him. This worrys me!
When he is put is his room i have to fight for hours just to keep him in there when he is having a time out. It seems though after he is done with his punishment he trys to be nice, but that soes not make up for the hours of fighting with him for him to take his punishment.It wears me out, and we go through this everyday. He is coonstantly calling his brother a faget, he hates his 10 year old brother from the day he was born. There  are
times I feel i just want to get in my car and not fight wwith him anymore. I can't give up on disiplinghim
or he will think he can get away with evry thing. What do I do?
Thank-You,
Cindy

Posted by HVMA Ph.D. - KDK on July 29, 1999 at 13:35:51
Dear Cindy,
There's no doubt that you will continue to need to discipline your son. The issue is the method/manner of discipline and the nature of your relationship with your son. It sounds like the process of discipline and limit-setting has evolved into a power struggle between you and your son. And his behavior with his siblings indicated a degree of anger that's beyond the norm.
It will be important to determine whether he's displaying (a) a behavior problem somewhere on the normal spectrum, or (b) symptoms of an emotional disorder (such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Mood Disorder, e.g.).
It would be wise to seek some professional help. A child mental health evaluation would be in order, and help determine if your son displays an emotional disorder and if there is something problematic in the way the family functions. At the very least, such consultation can provide you with alternative ways of interacting with your son.
The information in this forum is provided for purposes of general education. Always address particular questions about your health care to your personal physician.
*Keyword: Behavior, Discipline, Limit-Setting, Parenting