12 year daughter giving me tremendous grief

[Babyblue]

My 12 year old daughter is exhibiting immediate reactions such as yelling at me when I ask a simple question.  She is very aggressive and won't take no for an answer.  Her Junior High School teachers all tell me what a great student she is... bright, polite, considerate etc.  I am divorced for 11 years. I am single and have not remarried.  Her father and stepmother have three children ages 3 - 10.  My daughter sees them on Sundays.  The past 3 weeks she has exhibited extreme anger. She screams so loud I she turns very red in the cheeks.  She is verbally abusive and will not listen to me.  She is also addicted to her computer (email).  She spends alot of time there.  Her father is Manic Depressive.  I think she might be also.  Lately she has also attempted to hit me.  What kinds of tests should she undergo?  I am taking her to a therapist, but I believe more should be done.  Please advise.  Before this gets worse.  Concerned mother in New York.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If this behavior has appeared suddenly, it is likely a reflection of recent stressors, and I would focus on what the stressor(s) might be. On the other hand, if the behavior is more chronic in nature, it might lead more in the direction of a possible mood disorder. What argues against this is her high degree of functioning out side the home setting. Early adolescents by nature can prove difficult in their interactions with parents, even when the parent is doing the best he/she can. I'd lean in the direction of focusing on the arena of family interactions and see if some adjustments can be made. Perhaps the therapist can be useful in this regard. I don't see the need for testing.

[mom of 5]

I have the same problem with my son who is 14. I have had to call the Sheriff to come to our house it has got so bad with him being agressive toward others. He just recently got off probation. I'm telling you nothing seems to work with him. He is just so angry toward all of the family. Its getting to where I just can't live with it like this anymore. His father and I were divorced when he was 1 year and his big brother was 3 years old. The brother is fine is doesn't have ADHD. I've had a boyfriend living with us since I was divorced and we've had 3 kids together and their fine, but my son is a bad influence on them with his bad behavior. I'm at my wits end with my son. He is breaking me and my boyfriend up the behavior is getting so hard to tolerate, and it makes us fight. I need help and counseling won't help we've been down that road already a few times. What am I to do I want to keep the family together I don't want this to break us all up. PLEASE HELP.

Lisa

[bcrfowler]

The worse thing you can do is allow this to breakup a happy relationship.  That will only let your son know he is "winning".  You need to show him a united front, and that his behavior although is a concern to you and your family, isn't going to change you.  It sounds like you are in for a few rocky years ahead.  I've been there.  Could he be involved in drugs?  This could cause a personality change.  Good luck.