12 year old behavour

oMy girlfriend and I have been dating a little over a year now and her 12 year old son gives her a hard time with his mood swings.

His father talkes to him very little on the phone and doesnt try to see him and when he does. The child doesnt stay for long before hes calling his mother to come get him and this breaks my heart. This child is never happy and grades are dropping. He gives his mother a hard time which is hurting our relationship. Told her one night he hated her um she cant go out with me or see me. He knows were are dating but doesnt want me around a lot. Now the thing is. Is she wants to move into the house with me but he tells her hes not ready and i think hes playing games with her head for the reasings hes not ready. We made a room for him and called it mans land which has all his stuff in it to make it nice for him. Please help us we love each other very much and I know in my heart this is a good kid. But i think this has alot to do with the father not wanting to spend time with him and thats sad. This child and my 2 kids are best friends by the way..

[cheshchesh819]

this is so sad his dad dont want to see him much,he is hurting so much and feeling insecure and the only people he can take it out on is his mother and you,you seem like a really genuine person and you will get through this,is his father the type that can maybe be spoken too about all this?My daughters father was exactly the same it was me fighting for him to see her how rare is that,it took years,in the end i told my daughter straight that daddy dont want to see us at the moment so its just us for now but that he still loves you and he will see you soon,she wasnt happy and it took a while but she soon settled down,explain to your girlfriends son that you would never try to take his fathers place even though you would most def do a better job but that you are always going to be there to make him and his mum happy,please keep me informed message me

[nitro101]

thanks for the good words cheshchesh. the father can not be spoken with. he is hurting himself dealing with his ex leaving him and this is getting worst because me and her are together and he doesnt like that. once in awhile he will say bad things to her. he started drinking again and started going to church. he took his common law marrage for granted and abused her many years ago. they were together for 15 years. she tried to tajk to him about their son but turns it around on to her.
she has tried to talk to her son but goes in one ear and out the other.she has told the son that some day they will move into the house with me and he is putting up a some what of a fight.i dont want to over step my boundaries to talk to her son for she may get very upset and i have a very strong gut feeling that we may end up breaking up before xmas because of her son and her ex and my ex. i love this women very much and she loves me the. i care for son as well im trying my best to hang in there.we broke up for about 2 months before because of this crap. im hurting so bad inside. i pray all the time and hope the lord hears my prayers and my hope is the only thing keeping me above water. take care...niter 101

[cheshchesh819]

Well put the father too one side because he is a loser,and just concentrate on your girlfriend and you,please dont let the son come between you both,if you really love each other you will get through this,the son has to realise that mum needs to be happy too and that one day he will find his own life and make his own family and that he wouldnt want mum to be on her own,this is just a case of him being difficult because he is used to having his own way,you must both stand your ground on this maybe a few sessions of family therapy wouldnt go a miss,but please do not let a 12 year old boy come between you both no matter how much you love him set the boundries now and stick to them sooner or later he will have to except the changes that are going to happen.Good luck and please keep mailing so you dont feel alone

[nitro101]

hi cheshchesh. i agree that he should go to family therapy. i've been texting him behind his moms back. just to ask how was his day and that hes a good person and what not. he sometimes sends me things through facebook.  But now me and my girlfriend are fighting because i brought up the issue with her not talking or texting me that much anymore. we both have a lot on our plates and she gets very pissed when i bring this up to her. she has told me that she has told the son that some day they will move in with me. but i cant see that happening. her mood swings are getting worst and very cranky and tired all the time. but she still tells me that she loves me and misses me a lot. she is a good person but has been put down for so long that when ever i tell her that she's beautiful or she has a nice butt or even when i tell her she's sexy. all she says is right. this women is very a shamed of her looks and her body and thats sad. i know i said this before but i strong believe that we will break up soon just to make others happy. but her mother told me the other day that my girlfriend said that she was planning on moving in after xmas. i guess i shouldnt push the issue with her and let her take things at her own pace and let her come to me. i hope im doing the right thing.   take care  nitro101

[cheshchesh819]

she seems very insecure and that she thinks she dont deserve the love of a good man,probably because she has always been hurt by past loves in the past,she will keep her barriers up until she is confident enough to let them down,when you have been hurt in the past it takes alot to trust again,so please be patient and she will come around,just keep being there for her and loving her the way you are,i can see you both making it,she just seems frigile and finds difficult situation a struggle to deal with.

[nitro101]

cheshchesh. you know they say a man should be strong and not cry. but i just read your note and cried like a baby. i miss her so much and want her here and your right i have to give her time to come around. im trying my best to be patient but my feelings get the better of me and i attack in the wrong way without thinking of her needs. i know she hurts inside but she never wants to talk about it shes the typ of person that deals with things in her own way. i text her to apologize for i said and i still didnt hear back from her. i dont like when shes mad at me but what else can i say to her to make her come around and forgive me....nitro101

[cheshchesh819]

She sounds just like me a few years ago,everyone calls me stubborn,sorry i made you cry that was the last thing i wanted to do,but i honestly think a man who cries is a real man,all i can suggest is that you text her one more time telling her that her and her son are your life and that you love them both then leave it up to her she will reply i guareentee you,its just us female spieces are stubborn people when we want to be,in the end she will talk to you she will open her heart to you but for now you have to just except that she aint ready yet,but dont be disheartened by that.Also you do have feelings and you are putting her feelings first otherwise you wouldnt be on here worrying about her and her son,whilst i know this is a sit and wait situation which can become very tedious but if its what you really want then it will be worth it .

[nitro101]

thanks cheshchesh. i'll try one more time to text. she came here last night to pick up her son. he was over to play with my two boys. i went up to her and shes still pissed at me and i ask here if we were breaking up. she exploded. saying did i say that NO! you need to go back in the house. i told u i need some time to think. she didnt text me at all last night. but i will text her this morning one last time and leave her to her thoughts... nitro101

[cheshchesh819]

just give her the time she needs she will come around after your text leave her be,let her miss you,however hard it will be in order for her to realise what she has she has to miss it,if that makes any sense.

[nitro101]

cheshchesh. i sent the text to her this morning and about an hour later she text back. she said ( love you.honest ) and that i frustrate her and have to try to control my feelings. we text a bit back and forth. shes going to lay down. she didnt sleep that well last night...want to tell you cheshchesh that ur the best and if you were infront of me right now. i'd hug you...

[cheshchesh819]

Or i am so pleased for you i have spoke how i would to help anyone,but i am always glad to help,you seem like a lovely person who deserves to be happy,now be strong and patient and the rest will come natural,dont forget dont be to overwhelming she aint used to it,go at her pace you will see it will come good in the end,if you ever need to talk again just message me.