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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
12 year old still fights physically with sibling
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
12 year old still fights physically with sibling
by junkredrover, Jul 28, 2002 12:00AM
Last week my 12 year old daughter (almost 13 and well developed) got angry with her 9 year old brother in the swimming pool. She scratched him on the chest and back. These were not light scratches. They were deep. On a regular basis my son ends up physically hurt by her. Of course her behavior overrides whatever issue may have provoked her in my husband's eyes so she ends up being the one who is punished. I don't remember still fighting so much with my sister by the time I was 12 years old. How can we get more peace in our household? They are both so concerned about everything being fair and equate fair with equal even though they know the difference. Our household feels like a battleground. The 12 year old has other problems. She is disrespecful and irresponsible in the home. She and her father don't get along at all. She has always been the difficult child, hard to love. The 9 year old gets slighted because we spend so much time dealing with her. To complicate matters, both my husband and I have gotten exasperated with them and I have said on more than one occasion that I hate being a parent and wish I had never decided to have children. I never hear other parents admit as much but secretly this is what I believe. I hate disiplining and yelling and constantly trying to be fair and putting up with disrespect.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jul 29, 2002 12:00AM
, Jul 29, 2002 12:00AM
It does sound like the level of conflict in the family is beyond the norm, though to some extent every family experiences some sibling conflict and most parents at one time or another, when they are exasperated, wonder about the wisdom of having had children. Generally, though, the rewards outweigh the stresses and disappointments. Maybe it's time to seek some professional assistance. A mental health clinician with a family focus and with expertise in dealing with children and teens could offer you a helpful consult. With input from you, your husband and the clinician, you can figure out if ongoing help is warranted, or if some short-term guidance is all that is required.
