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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
12 yr old daughter is worrying me
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
12 yr old daughter is worrying me
by hlr, Oct 22, 2000 12:00AM
My 12 year old daughter has had a disturbing pattern of behavior for the past few years. We have tried to discipline her for it, talk to her, guide her, it still continues. She steals from us and I'm afraid she's probably stealing from others. Small things, change that she views as unclaimed, my makeup, lotions, jewelry, etc. She doesn't really try to hide it, I always find the missing items and if it's money, when she is confronted she usually admits it and tells us what she spent it on, normally candy at school or soda. She lies, to cover her tracks and we have caught her exagerrating situations or events at school, adding drama to something that didn't have it. She's very smart, she reads constantly, good grades and very likeable. She's not agressive at all, socially she seems to be fine. Although beginning last year she seemed to get distracted and had some trouble dealing with the inevitable problems of cliques. Trying hard to find her place and becoming very unsure of herself. We thought she was doing better, but today we found items missing again and some notes written at school indicating a preoccupation with boys and sexuality. I'm just freaking out about this. I have not confronted her about this, but we are going to review the "Talk" tonight. Is any of this normal pre-teen behavior or do we need to get her into some counseling?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Oct 23, 2000 12:00AM
, Oct 23, 2000 12:00AM
Dear HLR,
A clinical evaluation is in order, particularly in regard to the more chronic aspects of your daughter's functioning. The more recent focus on teen issues appears to be more of a developmental matter, and nothing you indicated would suggest it represents anything that is abnormal.
Generally, when children lie there are two precipitants. Either the child is trying to escape difficulty, or the child is making an attempt to enhance the regard in which others view him/her. Both of these sound relevant to the forms of lying that your daughter displays.
A clinical evaluation is in order, particularly in regard to the more chronic aspects of your daughter's functioning. The more recent focus on teen issues appears to be more of a developmental matter, and nothing you indicated would suggest it represents anything that is abnormal.
Generally, when children lie there are two precipitants. Either the child is trying to escape difficulty, or the child is making an attempt to enhance the regard in which others view him/her. Both of these sound relevant to the forms of lying that your daughter displays.
