13 month child cries when mommy takes him away from husband-mother in law...

[Evelyna]

Hi!
I have a 13 month old son and lately (the last month or two) i have been facing a problem. My son deosn't seem to want to be with me much. He cries when i try to carry him away from his father's or my mother in law's arms!!! He NEVER smiles or seems happy to see me but acts like CRAZY when he sees them... I start feeling like a bad mother... and i don't know what to do... It doesn't feel SO nice when your own flesh and blood rejects you.
Can anyone tell me what this might be???
Additional info: My mother in law is also CRAZY about her grandson and is spoiling him rotten PLUS he gets ENORMOUS amounts of attention from her, something that does not happen at home, since both me and my husband are working and routine kicks in. As for mu husband, he is less a disciplinarian that i am and hardly says no... Can this be a reason???
Thank you in advance for your help!!!

[melissaj]

Wow, that has got to be difficult! But remember, you are an adult, and this is an infant. It is not a direct attack on you. We quickly learn that motherhood is not exactly the depiction on the fabric softener ads! Now, I have heard many child experts say that you can never give a child too much attention, but honestly, I disagree. If it is interfering with parenting.. it is not good. Is the mother in law giving him a lot of attention, yet backing up the boundaries and expectations that you set for the child? For instance, throwing food. ( I know this one well after raising 5 kids) If you tell the child that this is not acceptable.. yet, your mohter in law allows this type of behavior? This is confusing to the child, because everyone else lets him.. only YOU are not. You need to be sure that no matter who is giving the child attention and etc, that they are also backing YOU up on the boundaries that you have set. Other people shuld respect your role as the mother, and HELP you in it, not HINDER. If this is not the case, then it could be as poster said before, that children go through stages of perferring a cetain parents or relative more for certain periods of time. Within a year, the child could be the total opposite and wanting to be with you all of the time. The important thing right now, is reaching out tot he CO-PARENT for help and understanding and secondly to the rest of the family. Hope this helps!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This can be a very difficult situation to face, and it's important not to take the reaction personally because the hurt will likely translate into a negative reaction to your son. It really is not unusual for very young children to prefer the company of one person more than another. Often there is no rhyme or reason to it. Other times it may well be due to some of the factors you are describing. That is, if attention is showered on a very young child, of course the child is going to bask in that attention and not want to be withdrawn from it. Likewise, if one parent is more willing and ready to do the limit setting and discipline, the child can prefer the parent who happens to be more permissive or deferent to the child's wishes. This is one of the reasons it's important for parents to be 'on the same page' when it comes to matters such as limit setting and discipline.