13 year old girl feels like outcast

[joan]

I have a beautiful 13 year old girl who has been very depressed latley.  She has never had many friends, and her interests are very different than most teens her age.  She is family oriented, loves animals, reading, nature and science.  It seems most of her peers are into boys, make-up and music.  My daughter makes good grades, wears fashionable clothes and has a pleasent appearance, so outside of her interests and personality I can't see any reason for the kids to reject her.  She is also involved in after school activities.  I try to tell her that it is wonderful to be different and that her interests will take her far in life.  I try to be sympathetic by both listening to her feelings and making suggestions.  I have done all I can to explain to her that many famous and successful people felt like outcasts growing up and that none of it will matter when she is an adult.  I don't feel that I am getting through to her, she is so depressed and says she is lonely.  She has a very stable home and we are spending extra time with her alone and as a family.  Please offer any advice.  I am worried about her.

[dani45lori]

A related discussion, outcast was started.

[elinor58]

A related discussion, daughter was started.

[kdubb]

A related discussion, 13 yr old daughter depressed was started.

[ewest]

my nine year old is not fitting in with neighbors. 4 other girls. she seems to be intiminated by a girl across the street.  my daughter plays fine when she is not there but seems to be bullied. my daughter is bright, outgoing and loud.  girl across the street family recenly divorced and may be acting out.  can not talk to dad?  does not seem to communicate well.  do i force my child to play with girls or not.  i know she is feeling left out.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Joan,

As you know, your daughter is at a stage in her development when youngsters are particularly sensitive to differences ('real' or perceived) between them and their peers.

If your daughter perceives herself as an outcast or as rejected, it will be important to determine precisely what occurrences have resulted in this perception. Particularly crucial in this regard will be to figure out how she might be contributing to this process.

On the other hand, she may not actually be rejected at all, but rather is keeping herself on the margins of the group in order to avoid possible rejection.

Sometimes it makes sense to involve the services of a behavioral health professional, and this sounds like one of those times. It certainly won't hurt, and will probably help you and your daughter shed some light on the precipitants of her unhappiness.