14 year old daughter

My exhusband and I separate 8 years ago, in the last two years he has only paid a few months child support putting pressure on me financially, together with the fact I work 6 days a week and (made a rod for my own back) my 14 year old does little to help ever.  That would all be fine, except that I have to put up with the most appalling behaviour lack of respect and her father who doesn't work, go up so he didn't have to pay support, can do no wrong ever.  She wants to go and live with him and often I am tempted to pack her bags, but feel that it would only make matters worse. She tells me I am the cause of all her misery, life would be fine without me, when her cell phone was taken away for rudness, she said "didn't do anything wrong - I stole her property, I should have my cell phone taken"  this is my younger child her older sibling never behaved this way (children from two different marriages).  I love my daughter very much and she doesn't seem to understand basis respect, saying she justs wants to be with her Dad and be happy (she does see him every week), that I don't want her anyway with all the other things in my life.  She is a bright girl,but seems to twist everything to make it seem that I don't love or care for her, that she is treated poorly and only her beloved father (who doesn't set rules, bedtimes, etc) is ok.  Help I am so tired of constant battles would just love to come home and be peaceful.  Mary

[margypops]

I am sorry this must be a very hurtful situationj for you, would you be able to pinpoint any areas you and she clash on , is there a way to try to reslove some issues by discussing why she feels like she does, what was the reason her cell phone was removed ..Has her Dad  remarried what is his situation.My opinion is that you keep her with you ask her Dad to support you , and try to step out of any arguements from her.Would some counselling help you both to understand each other better .Good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

What do you think would happen if she did go to live with her dad?  If it would not be the worst consequences (i.e., if she would keep going to school, would not do drugs, and would not start staying out all night or sleeping around) maybe it would be worth a shot for a definite period of time, like, three months or something.  Then she could see if the grass was really greener on the other side of the fence, and you could get some rest and peace & quiet for a while.