14 Yr. Old daughter becoming deviant

[TJK]

Yesterday was a very bad day for our family.
Both my husand and I work, I believe my daughter is old enough to be responsible enough to come home after school and call to let us know she's home safe and sound. Even with that said I am able to work hours where I get home before the school bus drops her off.  Only lately however my job has caused me to spend more time at work instead of being home before she does.

Yesterday she took advantage of that and called me at work to say she was home "save and sound", when in fact she was at a friend's house.
Okay let me step back for a minute, the day before that my husband and I had grounded our daughter for her failing grades and took away her most precious item (the PHONE).
This caused her to become quite angry, although this time there was not an explosion of anger, just a seething sceam to get back at us?? I'm not sure..but that's how it seems to me.
Like I said she lied that she was home.
She was not at home when we got home from work.
We had no ideal where she was.
We called all her friends, none would admit knowing where she was.
To make a long story short, we found her at a local hang out place for teenagers.  When we told her to get in the car, she was very deviant and it wasn't until I threatened to go get the security cop that she finally got in the car.
We are at our wits end.. what do we do next????

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This sort of behavior, provided it's not pattern over a long period of time, is not unusual for a teenager. The best approach is to close loopholes as best you can, be clear about the rules and what will happen if they are followed/not followed. You want to design the ground rules, rewards/consequences in such a manner that it becomes in your daughter's best interest to follow your expectations (even when she doesn't like them). You are clear;y being vigilant - keep it up, so your daughter does not think she can pull the wool over your eyes, so to speak.

[Teenage Mom Enlightened!]

My husband and I have been going through the same thing since our 14-year old started high school this year.  I agree with the last comment.  Be strong, kind, consistent, and set "boundries" with consequences.  Both good and bad consequences. I say that even though I made every mistake in the book.  My daughter has been seeing a psychologist every two weeks.  She actually looks forward to going now.  She gets to talk and talk and talk and has someone to listen that isn't mom, or dad, or sister, or friend.  Of course, we feel very comfortable with our psychologist.  I thought I was in for real trouble several months ago, but luckily I can say, she's coming out of this "attitude" of hers a much more mature, responsible teenager (now, ask me next month). Ha Ha.  Oh, I should say, back in September, she started really getting out of hand. This wasn't like her.  She has always been very nice, kind, but then she started High School, and BAM!! what happened.  Anyway, we thought we should start family counselling that's how we started going to the psychologist.  I really thought I was going to loose my mind, my job, shewwww...BUT...it IS getting better--much better!
Hope that helps.