14 year old with problems of sleeping alone.

[::taylor-A-::]

My 14 year old daughter has 2 older sisters, me (her mom) and a dog.
We live in a 2 story house, she and her other sister sleep upstairs in the same room while I and my other daughter sleep downstairs in seperate rooms.

Her sister that my 14 year old sleeps with occasionally goes to sleep overs, and when she does, my daughter freeks out. Not literally 'freaks out' but when she trys to go to sleep at around 11 p.m she will come down 30 minutes later crying and asking if she can sleep in my bed, I say no, cause' she has to get used to sleeping alone eventually. I tell her to turn on the television if she wants in her room and watch it till' she is tired. She does, but i always hear her coming up and down the stairs, trying to get me to give in and let her sleep in the same bed as me, and then I can't fall asleep. I tell her to stay in her room, and again, she gets upset and crys and runs up the stairs. In about 3 hours, I go to check on her, because i'm worried. She has the light on with the t.v still on, and she's not asleep yet!
By about 4 a.m she's asleep, and she complains the next morning cause' she's so tired.

I don't know what to do, because I feel at about 14, she shouldn't be having these type of fears.

[cuddles007]

I'd say that your daughter has probably had some trauma. Has there been a very stressful event in her life or a chance that she has been sexually abused? If it were my daughter I would bring her to a psycologist. She may have a sleeping disorder or a stress disorder.

[::taylor-A-::]

No, she hasn't had anything like that happen before.

[Cleveland Mom]

Does your dtr. appear overly nervous or anxious in other situations beside when she has to sleep alone?  Does she have any problems with nightmares?

[magen7984]

I know what your daughter is going through. I had the same problem until i was about her age im 23 now. I was just scared to be alone. It will eventually pass, and you are doing the right thing by making her go back to her room and not giving in. sit down and talk with her and find out what is making her so uneasy. and if possible i would give her  a room all to her self so she gets used to it quicker

[jdtm]

The "not being able to sleep alone" behaviour is very common in children suffering from anxiety.  Anxiety usually is an inherited genetic trait although some children may react negatively to trauma.   I might suggest doing a search on the internet re "childhood anxiety" and perhaps you might be able to find some more information.

A friend's daughter suffers from severe social anxiety and her solution to getting her daughter to sleep alone was to get a dog.  The teenager now feels "safe" with the dog which acts as a "protector".  Perhaps there is a "protector" in your family which might help ease the fears of your child.  All the best -

[Cleveland Mom]

I very much agree with jdtm, it seems quite possible that this girl is having difficulties with anxiety.  

[::taylor-A-::]

I talked to her like you suggested magen.

She said:

'Mom, i'm just scared. I'm afraid i'm gonna hear something, open my eyes, and see something scary RIGHT infront of my face. Or, something come out of the night and get me, or just something scary in general.'

[Sharon18]

I am 19 years old and sometimes I am afraid to sleep by myself, but that is because i watch too many scary movies.  Now, what i do after watching scary movies or when i am scared of whatever, I watch cartoons or a science channel like Discovering channel or Disney channel.  And then i repeat to myself everything is part of nature and any noice that i happen to hear is part of physics... and everything goes ok.  It may sound kind of silly, but you always have to find something for self control. Good luck!

[::taylor-A-::]

Thank You sharon, that's a good idea.

But this is like, all the time for her. She doesn't watch a scary movie all the time.

I need her to find something to help her, whatever she's afraid of when she trys to fall asleep.

[::taylor-A-::]

Anyone have any ideas?

[::taylor-A-::]

Help please!

Because, my daughter is having another sleepover tonight.

[3rdchild]

Hi Taylor,
I have to post a note to you....I slept with my daughter who is now 13 for years.  She needed me to lay with her till she was about 11.  She was scared to death to go to bed alone.  She'd have to make sure the blinds on the windows were completly shut.  She would request the bedroom door open at all times and a light to remain on.  Also when she started sleeping at 11 on her own My husband and or I would have to stay awake till she fell asleep.  She'd call us constantly checking.  Like I said, we finally got her to sleep on her own when she was about 11.   It took years...as a baby she'd scream in the crib for up to an hour at a time.  I always gave in and went to her.
Anyway, not trying to scare you or anything but she does today have anxiety.  I thought she had it as a child when I think back now.  She has a psychologist and psychiatrist, we're working on her anxiety every day.  It comes out differently now.  Anyway, that not being the point.  The point is tonight, try leaving a light on, leave the tv on...with a happy show....could you stay in the room with her so she felt more comfortable for a bit maybe talking?  Tell her to try and think of happy thoughts when something may start to make her afraid.  Maybe you have some fun plans coming up tomorrow or soon she could think about.  Let me know how it goes.  Oh, also, I used to tell my daughter not to worry that I would check on her before I went to bed.  Like I would say I will come and check on you in 15mins and so on.
Good Luck!

[::taylor-A-::]

Well, my daughter went to her sleep over.

Before my 14 year old went to bed, she cryed and asked if she could sleep on the couch, I said no.

So, she wanted to go to bed, and cryed about it when she was up there.

But the surprising this is, she never came downstairs AT ALL.
She actually fell asleep, with no fuss.

Possibly, she's getting used to it.

Thank you all for your help!

[pjcontreras]

Even if it's everything she said, about being afraid that if she opens her eyes something bad will be in her face...
Give her something to make noise with, or to do something to empower her to know she can help herself if soemone broke in, or what ever the thoughts are that she has.Remind her that you can hear her, and that you have faith in her, that she's a strong and capable person, and knows how to make good decisions. Try to turn in into a positive.
Have a set 'bed time" even though I know she's older,...rather you thik she'll care or like it or not, she will like that time with you. Tell her she needs to be getting ready for bed by 9:30 at the latest, get her a special journal, and tell her it's her dream/prayer journal (even if she has another one) just say this is for her to be able to say anything she might be worried about, afraid of, hopful of, you name it. This is between her and God, and se can our her heart out in here. Tell her that you'll be in for some special time with her in 1/2 an hour. But that there's no TV on, and the only things allowed on are soft lights, and relaxing music. No words...ocean/paino or somethign realxing. ("massage music" ...celtic lalubies/romance/rest/relaxing is pretty, indian flutes can be nice, ocean is a real nice one.) Then in 1/2 hour come in, just like you said you would. Tell her she can ask you about 3 things.Keep it short.Something from when she was little, something from when you were her age, and a fear you had and how were were able to deal with it. How that made you feel then and how much better you felt once you were through it...Just keep it real. Then pray for her. Rather she wants to pray with you or not. Just thank God for her, and say what a blessing she is in your life, ask the Lord to protect her, and thank Him for putting angels around her and your family keeping them safe...
Don't feel like you have to stay in there forever with her.Maybe 15-20 minutes. Make it a routine,and rather you think she'll like it or not, it will make a diffrence. I would put money on it...even if it doesn't 'solve' all the situation I bet it would help. it might sound  a  bit silly, but I think if you try it, and not make it an option, that she'll like it. Start to relax some...
I am sure you have stuff in the evening you'd like to attend to. But telling her that you'll be in her room in half an hour (between 9:30-10 at the latest) and really keep it as close to that 15-20 minutes every night....and just continue to be truthful and helpful, but just continue to let her know you beleive in her, that she is such a beautiful strong and smart person, and you are so blessed to have her for a daughter, and kiss her/hug her, say a prayer for/with her and say I love you instead of goodnight.
I think if you turn it around and possibly in a creative way try to make it more about changing some habbits you all have (I am not meaning it as a criticisim)
I think one thing she's craving is the closeness, presence of someone she trusts, knows, loves.Still follow up with a doctor, and sometimes there are 'sleep studies' at universities, or diffrent hospitals. You might just call and ask if they have any good advice about a young teen having these difficulties.
Help her to keep a sence of humor about stuff too, and don't make it seem like there's this earth shattering situation that is so terrible. You are being a really responsible parent, and talking about this and triyng to figure out some things.
See if any of this might help as well.
She sounds like a nice girl.
God bless you Taylor.

[abbeyej]

I am going to 14 at the end of october and i am scared to go to sleep in my room alone!

So i end up staying up till 2 am watching tv and then i go  to my moms room!

My mom is tired of it and is pretty much telling me to figure it out on my own. And i don't blame her.

And I do want to sleep in my own room, but i just cant fall asleep.

But at 2 am when i go in my moms room i fall right asleep!

any help??

I need it  BAD!

[puppy12]

   I understand, im 11 years old. I have slept in the same bed as my dad for 11 years and my mom has slept on the couch. I would feel so bad about that, and sometimes cry at night.

   The reason i didnt sleep in my room is because, I watched the game F.E.A.R. It freaked me out!
Outside my door there is a light, and somtimes i feel that, the fear girl will walk under the light and dissapeer like she does in the game.
  
   Im in the 6th grade, and I think i am the weirdest person on earth, because i dont sleep in my room, and i did the smae thing your daughter did. I asked my mom for advice, and she would say. Honey, when i was a kid I didnt even think twice! Even if i was scared id sleep in my room anyways!

   And that didnt make me feel any better sadley. My best friend knows about this problem, and  I started crying  and she said dont worry there are other people like that too!

   I started sleeping in my room, on sunday and have been sleeping there all week! Im very proud, but i sleep with my door closed and TV on, But now I feel bad because i cant sleep with the door open! *laughs* That still freaks me out. But so far im doing ok, I have some problems getting to sleep but i know ill get over those!

Puppy

[GsMom164]

You are so brave to start sleeping in your own room.  I have an 11 year old son who is also in 6th grade who has slept in my bedroom (him mom and dad) since we was a baby.  He is going to try to move to his room over Christmas vacation.  I am going to have him write to you to tell you how he is doing and the two of you can talk about how you are both doing.

[athug]

Oh man, well... I'm 14 and male.... and I..Have the same problems as your daughter.   I wouldn't say this but, this thread made me want to.  First of all I see where your daughter is coming from, she is doing it out of fear something has triggered it.  The only thing to do is get her mind off of it.  When she sleeps with you it takes her mind off of it, and maybe makes her feel safe.  I'd suggest that maybe she should listen to music, or noises like rain and others.  You'd be surprised at how common this is.

[savik]

The dog is a good idea, but I suggest a crate to be in the room.  I have a thing about dogs sleeping on my bed.  Even good dogs can maul your face when you are asleep. Look at what happened to that French lady with the face transplant.  I say--get a crate--but good idea. I probably have anxiety too.