16 year old, sexually active

What should my reaction be to finding out my 16 year old has recently lost her virginity?  This is a child who gets good grades, has no behavioral issues, other than teenage "attitude" and does extracurricular activities. I thought I was doing a good job! I am just crushed since I never thought she would do this and am deathly afraid she would end up pregnant. I had her when I was 16! She knows my fears. We have talked about birth control, but she insists that she has learned from her experience and does not want to have sex until she is older and smarter. Oh, and the only reason she told me was because she had the flu and ended up in the hospital. She wanted to be able to answer any questions the dr. may have for her honestly.  Do I punish her?  How do I trust her again?

[karinav3]

You can't punish her because she will just throw it in your face that you had her at the same age... I think at this moment you need to talk to her and tell her what can happen if she continues to have un protected sex or even continue having sex at all.. You know as a teenager we did whatever we want it and if you punish her or yell at her for doing what she did she might regret that she even told you....  Just talk to her and if she told you she doesn't want to do it anymore maybe she's being honest.  You need to keep that trust with her...

[rose74]

Yes, that's pretty much what I did. I just want to trust her and it's hard.  Thank you.

[karinav3]

I know I bet it's hard that's your lil baby, but in reality she's not a baby anymore.. =)  I can't even imagen my son talking to girls.. hahaha... Good Luck Rose74... Hopefully she meant what she said about not doing it again... keep your fingers crossed at least give her the opportunity that if she does do it again that she can talk to you about using b-control.. I know you dont' want to hear that, but can't ignore it...

[Avas Mom]

You cant punish her for this. Shes the same age i was when i lost my virginity. IT Doesnt matter that she does good in school, etc. That doesnt make her any better than any other girl out there having sex. AS long as shes smart about it and uses protection i wouldnt worry...but i would still try to get her on b.c. just to be safe.

[portuguese mom]

Did you explain to her that there are even worse results from early sexual encounters than getting pregnant? By this I mean, she could acquire a sexually transmitted disease that lasts her whole life (HIV, syphillis (syphilis), herpes....genital warts).  Go to the local library and get her a book on these diseases. Explain to her that the risks are high and not worth them. Tell her that she should wait until she is older and can find the right person to given herself to. You can always raise a baby or give it up for adoption. You can not give HIV or herpes up for adoption. Good luck.

[mayflowers]

Teko makes a good point.   I have a friend who caught herpes from the 2nd guy she slept with.  She lost her virginity to some guy she met at a party - in the back seat of a car - it was her first yr of college & she was at a frat party.  She never saw him again.   Her  2nd lover gave her herpes.  Again, that one was  a one night stand.   I think she got various other diseases b/c she can't have children.   Her mother was a strict Baptist who never talked to her abt sex.  She learned it on her own and at a big price.  You need to teach your daughter abt STD's and the importance of using birth control - a condom along with good birth control.  Use the "No Glove No Love" slogan.

[Avas Mom]

Omg that is horrible about your son..im so sorry.

[shellie80]

I have a 10 year old daughter that I had at age 16. I was also the model student, 4.2 GPA, after school activities and the works. I was a pretty, fun, intelligent girl, all the more attractive to the boys. The same goes for your daughter.

My daughter and I have started to discuss sex and other issues since she is already developing. I have explained to her that even with being careful (she was conceived with the pill AND a condom) doesnt always work and that having a baby at a young age is VERY hard. She has seen me struggle as a single parent before I met my fiance.

Since you cant very well punish your daughter, and AT LEAST SHE TOLD YOU, then continue to make sure she's safe, educated, and talk to her about holding off on the sex from now until shes older and in a very meaningful relationship. I didnt tell my mother I washaving sex until I missed my period, wrote her a letter and found out I was nearly six months pregnant. We DID not have an open relationship, and you are doing the right thing by listening to your kid like I do mine.

Good luck with dealing with this shocker. I guess just imagine how your mother felt. I know when the time comes for me I will have to work through it as well, even if shes grown and out of the house, I dont like the idea!