17 month old whirlwind

My son is now 17 months old.  He is extremely active and into EVERYTHING.  The biggest problem we have is him listening.  It doesn't matter how many times we tell him "no", or how loud we get...he keeps doing it.  I've spanked his hand, I've told him no, I've tried everything short of losing my mind and I don't know how to get him to listen.  What are we doing wrong?  He just gets mad and screams when we do try and discipline him.  I'm very frustrated and I don't want to spank him...but nothing else is working and to be honest, the one time I did spank him...that didn't work either.

Thanks,
Jamie

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Lockard,

Your son is doing what comes naturally to a seventeen-month-old. Of course you need to set limits and be firm and consistent in following through with them, but try to do it with equanimity. You can be authoritative and direct without being harsh or angry.

If your son does not follow your direction, you have a number of options. You can distract him or otherwise engage him around some other point of attention. You can physically remove him from a source of problem (e.g., wall outlet). You can design the physical space in such a way that his explorations will be less of a problem. And you can place him in time out by employing his crib or a playpen for that purpose.