19mo. old regressing/unhappy with daycare switch

[mchic]

We recently made the decision to switch our 19mo/old daughter's daycare.  We struggled over the decision:  She had been with the same in-home care provider since she was 3mos old. But, lately there were supervision issues (she was left unattended once in the backyard alone) and there was another child added to the daycare recently who had severe behavioral problems and was hitting and biting. Also, whenever she had a tantrum, the provider gave into whatever she wanted. Discussion w/provider was not helpful. After lots of research and searching, we decided on a center-based daycare because of the safety reasons and security.  We also felt that being in a more structured environment would help her.  

Some info on our daughter's personality:  she is a social butterfly- loves kids! She has never previously exhibited any separation anxiety.  She is also very independent and stubborn.  She has had in the past lots of frustration tantrums.  she is also advanced for her age and highly intelligent (according to her dr.)  She is full of laughs and smiles and talks up a storm, in general, very spirited little girl!

Her first day at daycare center went well... we stayed with her for quite awhile and then left.  She had a good day, but came home with a high fever.  Next day, I took her to dr., and had to go to emerg. rm to rule out menegitis.  Needless to say, I was panicked.  She had blood tests and a shot and was very traumatized.  Turns out she only had a virus, but was home the rest of the week, then got a cold.  So she didn't exactly get started out in a great way!  Then she had have two shots, and an additional blood test last Friday. Thankfully, all has turned out ok, but she will need some more tests for her kidneys (US, and VCUG).  

She was back to daycare center last Monday and she HATES it!  She cries off and on throughout the day, although she does play too.  She naps briefly, and doesn't eat much lunch. At home, she is clingy, and now has SEVERE separation anxiety.  She is in daycare 4 days/wk, and by Sunday, she is almost back to her normal self.  Then the downslide starts again.  She looks so sad most of the time through the part of the week that she is in daycare, it breaks my heart.  The teachers say she is doing better, but at home I just notice the lack of that spirited little girl. She is also regressing- eating with hands, not as much talking, and has developed fears- of the dark, of the bath, etc.  She also now wants Daddy all the time and screams if he leaves.  

She's been through a lot in the last two weeks, but I am wondering if we made the right decision.  The current daycare (this is week 2) is kind of "institutional", and I am wondering if I should switch her back to a home daycare.  I do not have any "friend" references since I am a "late" mommy (my friends' kids are in college).  We fear supervision and treatment issues in an unknown home daycare.  Any advice would be so appreciated.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This will likely work out fine. When under the sort of strains your daughter has experiemced, it's to be expected that some regression will occur - it's natural. Over time you'll see your daughter adapt fine. The history is the best predictor of the future, and there's no reason to think she'll do anything but adapt. So my guidance is to stick with your plan - it's fine and she'll do fine.