2 1/2 year old with bad tantrums

when my 2 year old gets mad or opset she screams at the tpo of her lungs and shakes allover and turns bright red.  She will also try to hit you are anything else she can find to do to hurt you.  she tells you no, she want stay in her car seat i have to pull the car over about 5 times, i have tried time out, spanking and nothing phases her.  when she gets upset there is no stopping her she will tell you to hush your mouth and yells no very anger at you.  i know they say terrible two but she is getting worse and i think it is just more than terrible twos.  she does not listen to any discipline at all.  She is very smart for her age and she is very loving at times but she does not want to be disciplined.  Is this behavior normal?  I have a 10 year old and she never acted like this    

[AHP84]

Sounds like you have quite the strong-willed, ambitious little girl!

The advice I'd offer as far as the tantrums where she screams and becomes physically hurtful towards you (or whoever) would be to restrain her. She's 2 1/2--that makes her approximately 30 pounds. You're an adult, most likely over a hundred pounds and at least 3-4 feet taller than her, if not more.

If she starts hitting you, scratching, pinching, biting, throwing things, etc., then by golly, hold her in your lap with her arms restrained under your arms and her legs restrained under your legs. Let her try to fight you until she just completely wears out and realizes she cannot physically win. When she's calmed down, can sit still, and behave nicely, then briefly explain to her why she's in trouble and then administer the discipline (time out, take away a priviledge--whatever you choose).

Try to distract her from the tantrum when you see the warning signs of one starting. If she still pursues having a tantrum, attempt disciplinary action *before* it gets out of control and you'd have to go as far as restraining her.

Also, provide discipline for any back-talk or disrespectful words and name calling. Don't let back-talk slide. Its intent is just as disrespectful to you as physical action like hitting and kicking, only it's verbal.

As for the car seat issue: make some practice runs around your neighborhood over the next week. Set up a reward system to offer her some goal incentive for staying in her car seat, like a sticker chart or a bean jar (put a bean or two in a small jar every time she succeeds with good behavior until it's full or reaches a mark; take beans out for bad behavior. Offer a special reward for completing the sticker chart or filling up the bean jar).

Lastly, always remember to put lots of emphasis and praise on her good behavior. Don't wait for her to act up and then end up giving twice as much negative attention to that situation than you would positive attention to a good situation. Encourage her to continue with good behavior every time you see it from her.

Hope this helps you out some.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Always remain calm.

I would not restrain her, I would walk out of the room and ignore the behaviour.  She probably likes the rise she gets out of you.

In public, take her to the car and let her finish her fit.  Buy a differant car seat.  Tell her the car cannot move until she is securely in her seat.  Sit by the road until she complies.  Then take her home and do not continue on to the fun activity you have planned.

Praise her when she chooses to do the right thing.

Remember "this two shall pass".

[AHP84]

The suggestion I made about restraint was only if the child persisted to be physically hurtful to the parent or someone else. The original poster said her daughter will "try to hit you or (sic) anything else she can find to do to hurt you."

I've known plenty of toddler children in my life that will literally come after you in the heat of a tantrum, and no matter how calm you are and walk away, they still try to physically hurt you. And if they can't get to the person to lash out at, then they destroy and break things around them.

So yes, in these *extreme* situations, I do recommend calm restraint of the child until they have worn themselves out and can sit and listen to what they have done wrong, and then receive the discipline for it. Then they don't hurt anyone else, they don't destroy property, and they themselves don't get hurt.

But perhaps the little girl is not as tempermental as I might have been reading into. If that's the case, then yes, by all means, walk out of the room and ignore her.