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2 Year old Making her self throw up when dad leaves her at daycare
I have a 2 yo daycare girl that screams and crys and actually makes herself throw up when her dad leaves her here. She is perfectly fine a few minutes later and she does NOT do this when her mom brings her. I think she has seperation anxiety and her dad is making it worse by consoling her and picking her up, then telling her he is leaving, and picking her up again when she crys. He stayed for over 15 minutes today. What can I try to make things better for her? I even told the parents to try a new daycare and they don't want to so I am guessing that she does some of this at home to.
This is where I feel weird. When my son was born, I had that awe of him and was (and still am) completely in love with him. But at the same time, I have never had issues about being apart from him for a few hours at a time. None at all.
I guess I'm abnormal that way, that I don't feel a strong need or desire to be with my son when he's separated from me for 3-8 hours at a time. Granted, I think about him, talk about him, brag about him, gaze at his pictures, and LOVE going to pick him up from daycare and have him jump into my arms with a huge grin on his face and yell, "Mommy!"
But at the same time, he's eager to get to daycare in the mornings and gets excited when I pull into the parking lot. He's always been this way, even as a baby. So I know he has no issues of separation anxiety. I know he's in the care of people I can trust and that will look after for him lovingly and diligently.
Most importantly though, I know the trust and bond between my son and me is what makes this possible. Trevor KNOWS that I'll always come back for him, I'll always be there to take care of his important needs first, and I'll be there for him at the drop of a hat if they call me. He knows this and is secure in this, because I've never let him down. I think that's what makes any parent/child bond what it is, whether working parents or SAHMs.
Or maybe I'm just abnormal and a bad mom with an abnormal son.
I guess I'm abnormal that way, that I don't feel a strong need or desire to be with my son when he's separated from me for 3-8 hours at a time. Granted, I think about him, talk about him, brag about him, gaze at his pictures, and LOVE going to pick him up from daycare and have him jump into my arms with a huge grin on his face and yell, "Mommy!"
But at the same time, he's eager to get to daycare in the mornings and gets excited when I pull into the parking lot. He's always been this way, even as a baby. So I know he has no issues of separation anxiety. I know he's in the care of people I can trust and that will look after for him lovingly and diligently.
Most importantly though, I know the trust and bond between my son and me is what makes this possible. Trevor KNOWS that I'll always come back for him, I'll always be there to take care of his important needs first, and I'll be there for him at the drop of a hat if they call me. He knows this and is secure in this, because I've never let him down. I think that's what makes any parent/child bond what it is, whether working parents or SAHMs.
Or maybe I'm just abnormal and a bad mom with an abnormal son.
And back we go.
I always knew I would work. I wanted to be a nurse, I went to school to be a nurse, I enjoy(ed) being a nurse, and knew I could do both.
I feel I was in awe of my babies, loved them, took care of them...AND worked. Full time. Did I want to be apart from them? No. But that's what I choose, and again...its about choice. I didn't have to use a lot of daycare, but there were times they went, according to my schedule.
Don't insist she'll "rethink" it, as if she has the incorrect thinking right now. She may rethink it, she may not. Either way, she sounds as if she'll do what she wants, which is as it should be. I believe she'll love her babies, working or not.
I always knew I would work. I wanted to be a nurse, I went to school to be a nurse, I enjoy(ed) being a nurse, and knew I could do both.
I feel I was in awe of my babies, loved them, took care of them...AND worked. Full time. Did I want to be apart from them? No. But that's what I choose, and again...its about choice. I didn't have to use a lot of daycare, but there were times they went, according to my schedule.
Don't insist she'll "rethink" it, as if she has the incorrect thinking right now. She may rethink it, she may not. Either way, she sounds as if she'll do what she wants, which is as it should be. I believe she'll love her babies, working or not.
You'll rethink it. Trust me. It's only natural to look into that little face, in total awe of the miracle of it all, and not want to be apart all day. Your desire to work may outweigh that and you may choose to stay home or work part-time or whatever...but have no doubt--you will rethink it when the time comes.
RR: My mom stayed home with five kids, she didn't go back to work until I was well into my teens and my youngest sibling had started school. My mom did a great job with us. We achieve well academically, have good friends, are happy etc. I don't regret the time my mom spent with us as I love her dearly but I would have been happy for her to be a working mom if thats what she wanted as would the rest of my family. I believe we turned out well because of who our parents were, not because my mother happened to be a SAHM.
And for the record I fully intend on having children one day but I also fully intend on being a working mom. Just because I had a good childhood with my mom at home does not mean I am going to do likewise when I have kids nor does it mean that I would have had a bad childhood or turned out differently just because my mom worked. All parents have to let their kids go to some degree at some point be that at daycare, school or a private childcare provider.
I believe women should have a choice. Working moms who have to work should not be made to feel guilty for working but neither should moms who CHOOSE to work because it is what they want. I am in the middle of a difficult, prestigous degree in a top university in my country. (I am honestly not bragging I am saying this purely for the purpose of my point of view) I worked my a$$ off to get into it and I have to work darn hard to keep my place. At the end I will get an excellent, well paying job. That is my dream, it is also my dream to have children. I am not going to give up one dream for the other nor do I have to. I believe that I have the ability to do both and neither will suffer as a result of the other. I have not studied for years to give it all up to be a SAHM. Not that there is anything wrong with that as long as It is something you want, as I said my mother was a SAHM even though she was a qualified nurse and I have the utmost respect for her. I know I do not have children so I may have to rethink doing both when I do but women should have a choice in my opinion.
Sorry this is so long, I didn't mean it to be!
And for the record I fully intend on having children one day but I also fully intend on being a working mom. Just because I had a good childhood with my mom at home does not mean I am going to do likewise when I have kids nor does it mean that I would have had a bad childhood or turned out differently just because my mom worked. All parents have to let their kids go to some degree at some point be that at daycare, school or a private childcare provider.
I believe women should have a choice. Working moms who have to work should not be made to feel guilty for working but neither should moms who CHOOSE to work because it is what they want. I am in the middle of a difficult, prestigous degree in a top university in my country. (I am honestly not bragging I am saying this purely for the purpose of my point of view) I worked my a$$ off to get into it and I have to work darn hard to keep my place. At the end I will get an excellent, well paying job. That is my dream, it is also my dream to have children. I am not going to give up one dream for the other nor do I have to. I believe that I have the ability to do both and neither will suffer as a result of the other. I have not studied for years to give it all up to be a SAHM. Not that there is anything wrong with that as long as It is something you want, as I said my mother was a SAHM even though she was a qualified nurse and I have the utmost respect for her. I know I do not have children so I may have to rethink doing both when I do but women should have a choice in my opinion.
Sorry this is so long, I didn't mean it to be!
I'm not at all saying my mother was not loving. She loved us very much. She did the best she could. I don't know what went on in my infancy or very early childhood, as I don't have memories back then as others apparently do. But I'm sure she was not abusive.
I remember life getting a whole lot better after she went to work. And I'm sure her working financed my college. For that, I'm so grateful. I doubt I could have done it without my parents help. Or at least, it would have been much harder and taken a lot longer, and I just don't have that sort of attention span. I might have not finished.
I'm just saying that there is no one clear answer. The answer is not "nature says you should do XYZ" and that's that. There are always shades of gray. We have choices, and no one should be made to feel as though they are damaging their child. I grew up ok, despite the fighting parents and a good deal of disfunctionality in our family. You can also have the most loving family in the world and grow up to have serious problems.
And as for the article..those women are clearly from a different income group than would probably be the norm around here. Most of them don't "have" to work, or have money issues that can be easily solved by simply cutting back on expenses. Not everyone has such simple solutions to money problems.
I'd love to not work. I've worked enough, I think. I enjoy it, but there comes an end to everything. Right now, its important that we keep the house in North Carolina. Its important to my husband right now to have his job here. We're a family, for all our warts. So we have to have 2 full time incomes--again, its about our choices, not what nature intended. I still cook and do most of the "traditional" female household duties--I love to cook.
We're winding down the spending, but we live on a cash and carry basis anyway. No more unauthorized motorcycles are coming into the Peekahold. In fact, his majesty just sold the 4 wheeler. I think he'll sell a couple more bikes. Still, in SoCal, its very expensive to live. So I'll be working a while longer.
I remember life getting a whole lot better after she went to work. And I'm sure her working financed my college. For that, I'm so grateful. I doubt I could have done it without my parents help. Or at least, it would have been much harder and taken a lot longer, and I just don't have that sort of attention span. I might have not finished.
I'm just saying that there is no one clear answer. The answer is not "nature says you should do XYZ" and that's that. There are always shades of gray. We have choices, and no one should be made to feel as though they are damaging their child. I grew up ok, despite the fighting parents and a good deal of disfunctionality in our family. You can also have the most loving family in the world and grow up to have serious problems.
And as for the article..those women are clearly from a different income group than would probably be the norm around here. Most of them don't "have" to work, or have money issues that can be easily solved by simply cutting back on expenses. Not everyone has such simple solutions to money problems.
I'd love to not work. I've worked enough, I think. I enjoy it, but there comes an end to everything. Right now, its important that we keep the house in North Carolina. Its important to my husband right now to have his job here. We're a family, for all our warts. So we have to have 2 full time incomes--again, its about our choices, not what nature intended. I still cook and do most of the "traditional" female household duties--I love to cook.
We're winding down the spending, but we live on a cash and carry basis anyway. No more unauthorized motorcycles are coming into the Peekahold. In fact, his majesty just sold the 4 wheeler. I think he'll sell a couple more bikes. Still, in SoCal, its very expensive to live. So I'll be working a while longer.
Jen, I think working part-time would be the ideal as well. Unfortunately for me, I would lose my benefits if I dropped to part-time and dh's job doesn't have insurance. I could take a pay cut, but not a pay cut AND losing my insurance. Hopefully someday, I'll find a p/t job that pays enough so we can afford to get insurance on our own.
RR, my mom stayed home with me and my 4 siblings. She didn't go to work until I was in 4th grade. My home life was great, all 4 of us went on to graduate from college and have good careers and we're all still married to our spouses. And yet, I don't necessarily think it was better than daycare would have been. So I hate to burst your epiphany...and maybe I didn't, because I'm only one person. I really don't mind the beliefs that you have and who knows? Maybe your opinion IS right. But I am one of the people who does the best they can. I'm taking tomorrow off to be with DS and I try to do that as often as possible.
RR, my mom stayed home with me and my 4 siblings. She didn't go to work until I was in 4th grade. My home life was great, all 4 of us went on to graduate from college and have good careers and we're all still married to our spouses. And yet, I don't necessarily think it was better than daycare would have been. So I hate to burst your epiphany...and maybe I didn't, because I'm only one person. I really don't mind the beliefs that you have and who knows? Maybe your opinion IS right. But I am one of the people who does the best they can. I'm taking tomorrow off to be with DS and I try to do that as often as possible.
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