I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on some problems we are having. My son turned 2 in May and we have an appointment for a behavior eval in abou a week and I was hoping to get some suggestions so I could go into the appointment with some questions for them rather than just being told one thing or another. There are so many different things that he does but I will try and list a few and see if anything rings a bell. Some of the more major concerns are that he hits, bites, scratches, throw things at, pinches his 4 year old sister. When he does these things they are not out of anger. I actually seems that he gets to carried away or maybe even excited or for just no reason at all. We try to explain to him that he hurts her but he just doesn't get it. Another thing is that when we go somewhere he is still confined to his stroller becasuse I cannot let go of him or he will run off (into streets, parking lots, etc...). When trying to put him in a time out or anything like that (unfortunately we have even tried smacking his hand or spanking him) he doesn't learn. The only way we have found to stop him from doing something is to physically contain him. We will sit on the couch and hold him while he screams. Even though he stops the behavior as soon as we let him go he is right back to it. No matter what we do he just doesn't seem o get it. His pediatrician had mentioned to get his attention and explain why he shouldn' do something but we can' get his attention because he refuses to make eye contact for more than a few seconds.
Some of the other things that we have noticed he does constantly are throw things over the gate into the kitchen. Plays with his feces (has no interest in potty training), hates being changed, recently he has started lining things up side by side (shoes, cars, trucks, etc), he is not allowed to have a sippy cup because he drinks it so it is in his mouth and hen spits it out to play with it. In order for him to have a drink we have to sit down with him while he drinks it. When he eats he refuses to sit. He is very hyper and it seems that he can't figure out an outlet for all he energy.
Any suggestions on what this may be or how to discipline him? He doesn't have a favorite toy or anything so we can't take that away from him for punishment. He does have a speech problem and is seeing a speech therapist but he was also tongue tied (which is now fixed). She has made he comment this morning that she can't figure out why he still isn't saying certain sounds that he should be by now. I always assumed that the speech delay was because of this tongue but now I am no so sure as it hasn't changed much since the surgery. Any suggestions on ways to discipline that I have not tried would be greatly appreciated and any comments on what this may be would be great so I can go to his appointment with questions.Thank you!
No she is actually great with him. I am very suprised that when he does all hose things to her that she doesn't retaliate in any way. That is one of the things that scares me. I do no know anyway who would ake as much as she has without doing anything in return. I am afraid that either he is going to end up really hurting her or that she will just snap. Also I am pregnant and due in 2 months so I am also afraid that he will hurt the baby. However, like I said though, he doesn't do it out of anger which is what confuses me.
I don't want to scare you - but have you considered high-functioning autism? Your description of your son reminds me of our nephew - he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is a high-functioning form of autism. If so, please do not hesitate to get treatment as soon as possible - the younger the treatment begins, the better the prognosis. Hope that I'm wrong .....
To be honest, it doesn't scare me. My husband and I are at the point that whatever his problem is we want a name for it. We figure if he is diagnosed with something, and the diagnosis is correct then at least we should be able to have a solution to the problem. He goes to the doctor in about a week and I am hoping that they will have some input on this but if not I want to be able to say "well, could it be this or is that ruled out?" For instance I will now ask about high-functioning autism if it is not mentioned. I know they are doing a behavioral evaluation but to be honest I am not sure what that means in terms of what will be done and what I will find out at that appointment. Thanks for your input!
How about make a list of your sons behavior. Stuff he does, every little thing, including him lining up his toys ( i think that is important). if you feel he's got a problem, then he just may have one.
my little boy is 2 1/2, and he just a typical boy as i see it. he sounds like your boy a bit, he likes to pinch and hit and play rough with his sister who will be 4 yrs next month and she treats him good too. my little boy has got so much energy and he does not listen to ME very well. i try to be consist with my discipline and i've noticed that he is worse when my step daughter, who will be 6 soon, comes over and the girls play together and tend to leave him out of their play, which they are usually playing dress up or with dolls. and he wants to play with them, so he'll bite and pinch and steal their toys or even wrestle them. he loves sports and picks up quick with that. and i just think he needs a guy buddy. my husband works a lot at night so he doesn't get to spend to much time with another male, versus my little girl has me. which they both go to daycare, so he's got his guy buddies there. i got a little trampoline, for myself, but i let the kids get on it to run his energy out, since some days it's too hot for them to stay outside and that helps to calm him down.
he listens to my husband or any male really good. and spankings don't really phase him when i give it to him. time-outs he hates, so i'm trying to use that more for him. he doesn't talk very good, but he's getting better, so i think that's why he pinches etc. that's is his way of showing his sisters he wants there attention, though i try to let him know it's unexceptable, but at the same time i tell the girls not to leave him out of there play. boys are a little slower than girls developing, so it's going to take a little longer for him to get out of this phase. plus boys are more physical and aggressive than girls, so it may seem that he's worse than his sister, but that's a boy for you (or so i hope).
but with out no one to compare him too, i worry myself that he may have add or something, cause he can stress me out. so i tend to rely on my husband to handle him more so than with my daughter, she responds to me talking to her, where my little boy just doesn't seem to listen. i usually have them look me in the eye so i know they are listening. plus there's the terrible twos phase, so maybe it's just a phase for boys to go through.
he likes to throw stuff as well, but like i said he has shown a lot of interest in sports. maybe show you son acceptable activity that involves throwing stuff, like football or baseball - like catch (and yes we play catch in the house with soft rubber balls, it's too hot a lot of days). he may want to play it all the time, like my son, but at least he's not just throwing stuff around or at people. that gives him an activity that he loves, but it's not a bad behavior. find things that suit his personality or interest. my little boy is such a mess maker and doesn't like to clean up. he can pick up quick with these sports stuff, but acts like he don't know how to pick a toy up and put it in a basket, but i know he knows to clean up cause i've seen him put a toy away at daycare before leaving. and he's a very messy eater, and plays in his food and will poor his drink out or pours his food out on the table and plays with it and spits his drink out at times. so i've started having him clean his own messes, cause i was tired of constantly cleaning up after him. so he makes the mess, he cleans it. he's learning that his behavior has consequences. but at the same time, we will get on to him for playing with his food, so maybe get him some playdough (supervised of course) so he can have that experience still when he plays with his food, or my little boy likes to pour water out, so maybe that will take away from him pouring his drink out. so outside or in the tub would be ideal for this play time. do you see what i'm am getting at? stuff he likes to do that is "bad", find other ways for him to do this that is acceptable. but punish when bad, but allow him to do it in a "good" way. Make sense?
potty training, once again, boys develops later than girls. i've already started to sit him down on the potty cause he sees his sister do it and he wants to. but as he gets older, he doesn't want to so much. but he'll go to the bathroom with his daddy, so he wants to be like dad, so he'll go. he does sit on the toilet, but backwards cause he wants to pee like daddy but too short to stand up. which i think is really cute, so he's trying but not and everyday thing, so i think it's going to take him more time than my little girl, who practically potty trained herself. though he will tell me when he as "boo-boo" for me to change him, which is great i think. at least he don't like it on him. he will take his pamper off from time to time, but doesn't play with it. (maybe the playdough or mud pies can replace this behavior too) so i have a mess to clean up from time to time.
i was told my dad behaved this way too, always on the go, and my grandmother having to spank him all the time, but my dad is normal, though he still doesn't like to sit down. he likes to keep busy. and i don't see nothing wrong with that.
i do have problems with him running from me when grocery shopping, but he seems to do it to get my attention or even when he doesn't listen to when i tell him to clean up or don't do that, he'll smile. when he runs from me in stores he wants me to chase him. some kids will do whatever it takes to get your attention even if it's bad attention at least they are getting that attention. so maybe you can try focusing on stuff that he does well, or good behavior. still punish for the bad behavior but don't make a big production out of it. punish and move on. and i wouldn't sit down and hold him, he maybe getting something out of it and wants that attention. like time-out maybe stand there til he stays in that corner by himself, but once he gets the hang of it, you can walk away, but i wouldn't leave the area cause he may go back to playing or running out of the corner, then you'll have to return him. and leave when you say he can. but i wouldn't leave him there too long. i usually keep him there no longer than 5 minutes, usually shorter.
maybe he is being babied or needs to be challenged in other words. kids can act out too, when they are bored.
i hope this helps. i'm still working with my little boy, but he's not a problems child. he behaves fine in daycare, they don't seem to have these problems, just home.
Thanks for all the info on your son's behavior. I have started a list with all his behaviors but find it very hard to try and explain them into a simple sentence so the list is rather complex.
I haven't noticed any difference in how he acts around differenet people or situations. I have noticed that when he is around other kids (his sister, cousins, etc...) that he would rather play with whatever it is they have and not with them. He doesn't show an interest in other kids. When he does start with the hitting and such it isn't out of anger or him trying to get his point across. He and my daughter could be laying on the floor watching TV or something and he would just roll over and bite her. It's weird because there is no sign before hand or anything. However, I have noticed on several occasions that when he gets aggrivated (for instance while he's stuck in his stroller and wanting out) that he will bite himself.
As far as him listening goes, he doesn't. See, that's our problem we cannot get him to listen. His EI and his first speech therapist were conviced that he had a hearing problem because at times you would swear he was deaf. You could call his name as he is right next to you or in his room and he doesn't respond but at other times he responds he first time you call him.
As for eye contact, he just won't. We have been trying to get him to do this and then explain why something is wrong like biting his sister. He simply refuses eye contact. We literally hold his face so he can't turn away but he will either look away or close his eyes.
His throwing issue is more of over the gate. We also play catch in the house (and I remember our parens never let us) but it's with those big bouncy balls you know? We have tried PlayDoh but it's very difficult. At first he couldn't stand the feel of it but now he basically just eats it. In excess too, no like you would expect. That is another problem we have. Most kids grow out of the mouthing everything stage. Not him, he still pus everything in his mouth. For instance like board books and wooden toys he can't be left alone with because he will chew them.
As for poty training I am not too concerned as you are right, everyone says boys are later than girls. He has started telling me when he has a dirty diaper but he has also done hat before and then stopped. So this time I am not getting very excited. He will sit on his potty but he hasn' done anything yet. No biggie though I am not too concerned about it yet. We've got time for that.
The running thing for him is weird. Like when we leave the house if he is not holding onto someone he will run into the driveway and out into the street without ever looking back. I don't think it's an attention thing as he doesn't look at you for a response. I guess I could be wrong though. It just scares me that I can't trust him to just stand there and wait to get in the car or something.
Unfortunately, like I said time outs do not work. His pediatrician said he's 2 so 2 minutes. We have yet to be able to get him to last that long. If you stick a child in a timeout and all they do is play (with nothing mind you) how is that going to work. They have to not like time outs in order for them to work. She even told me to try sitting him in a chair (which we laready had) and I told her that he would just play with it (which is why we don't). Her response was to use a different chair, one that he didn't like. To be honest I wanted to smack her :) I can change the chair each time and it wouldn't help he would still play with it.
With the hlding him thing, I have actually only done that a few times (less than a dozen). I mostly use that when I absolutely need to stop him from doing something. Sometimes when he bites his sister he will do it more than once and those are the times where I need to remove him and that is the only way. I guess I can put him in his room and close the door but I feel that is a bit cruel. Do you think it is? Even still, if I did that it still wouldn't be like a time out because he would just find something to play with. I have tried emptying out the spare room and putting a gate up to use that as a time out but he simply found the phone jack and cable wire and played with those.
I admit I have gotten quite a few people who say that he is a boy and about the terrible two's those are the people who have never met him. The ones that know him have a different story to tell. I can't wait for his appointment because I am hoping to at the very least get some ideas on discipline that I haven't tried and that will actually work. Good luck with yours son also!
Hi. I think you are a great mother for being so proactive. There very well may be an issue along the lines of a developmental delay. My son has one involving his neurological system called sensory integration disorder. All sorts of things can be involved with delays, as you mentioned speech, motor both fine and gross, motor planning (which is how to do things, how to organize a thought and carry it out, etc.).
As far as discipling him, you say that you have an evaluation in a couple of weeks. I think that is important to have done to decide the best discipline style to use. If he does have a delay, it is important to remember that he is acting out because of something besides just old bad behavior. If he doesn't have the receptive/ expressive language skills to understand what you are telling him---- he won't be able to know what you want him to do. And I understand spanking, however, wonder if it is the best idea with a child that is acting aggressively himself. "Don't hit---- so I'm going to hit you." People have very mixed opinions of this and I see both sides but this is just a thought I have about it. But my main point is that perhaps this child is dealing with more than terrible twos and just plain being bad---- perhaps he has a delay or as the previous poster mentioned, high functioning autism spectum. So I would discipline with compassion.
My son is 5. He was never very aggressive but he had meltdowns to end all meltdowns. He had all kinds of behaviors that made him very difficult to deal with. Once we knew what his delay was and could work on helping him in that area---- the behaviors impoved. So it is important to know what is going on and work on that. When he has a meltdown that is sensory related (and he has trouble regulating his emotions so this can be whenever or wherever), I keep my cool. I don't react by yelling or getting upset myself. (sometimes I want to scream!! I have found that by putting my tongue on the roof of my mouth, it keeps me from doing so). I stay cool as a cucumber. I let him know he is upset and we need to calm down. I give him a safe place to go which has been set up ahead of time when he isn't upset. Then I "help" him there if I have to. If we are out, we leave. We can come back if he calms down but it is best to get out of a crowded situation for us. I will physically restrain him if I have to. Two things about this, keeps him from hurting himself and the deep pressure of me doing it is actually soothing. So holding your son may actually be helpful.
He knows the rules. They never change. Your son is young which makes it tough. He may also have trouble understanding them if he has a communication delay. Pick one or two things to work on at a time. Ie: no hitting. no biting. Keep it simple and clear and consistent.
Your evaluation that you have done of him will answer a lot of questions. You'll know what direction to take then. Trust me though, I know from experience. Early intervention can make a world of difference in kids. You're doing great to address his speech. Now you can find out if anything else is involved. Maybe it is just normal two year old but your mother warning signal is going off. Those shouldn't be ignored. Good luck and I wish you the best.
my little boys has bit his sister for no reason before. for a brief time they were sharing a bed while he was in between not sleeping in his crib(he started to climb out all the time) and getting him a toddler bed. i was constantly going in there to get him to lay down. he played with the door and plays with lights. i fussed at him. then spanked him. but the last straw was that he bit his sister for no reason. i used a belt on him that time. and he didn't smile either. the other times he would smile at me when i discipline him. but maybe he knew i was serious that time. i ended having to separate them and when he would go to sleep, i would put her in bed.
he seems to be starting his little ways again. here lately, but no biting. he's starting to pinch and hit again more often, so he's never really quit. he's just calmed down a bit. but i call it being hard-headed. like i said, my dad was this way when he was a child or so i'm told. and i was told i was similar. a hard-headed child. so maybe it's in our genes or a mild behavior disorder. but me and my dad seems to have out grown it.
i had a friend who's brother had ADHD, but he took pills and she said that helped him a lot.
hmmm, now that you've gone into more details. i see your concern.
make a list of your son's behaviors, giving examples of his behaviors would be good. your trying to give the doctor a picture of what your dealing with, so the more details the better, i think. even write down your questions too. maybe even go online and look some disorders up or symptoms up to see if you son falls into any category and write this down as well. read or show this to his doctor. maybe this may help the pediatrician with the severity of your concern. Maybe they can refer you to a more specific doctor or you can ask to be referred to someone.
here's a website i found if you care to read http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/a/autism/symptoms.htm
i tend to look stuff up a lot when i got concerns for my kids. it helps to relieve my concern when i know more about the situation than my doctor tells me.
i see why having a name to your son's behavior can give you relief. Just know your doing your best for help him.
p.s. my step daughter started having seizures about a year ago, though it's not your typical seizures like convulsions. she seems to tighten up or loose muscle control on her right side and fall. and she would cry cause she didn't know what happened. but now she's okay. and she knows she has had an episode. i didn't know much about seizures, so i would look stuff up. but knowing she has a chance to out grow it or it to become less server as she grows older helped, and knowing it's not a total life altering situation. she's already having them further and further apart. she is my husband's oldest child. and he was torn over this. you feel helpless not knowing what to do to help your child. but learning more about what's going on, really does ease your mine. so i hope you do find an answer.
Thanks for the advice and help, both of you. I have to admit that I am usually pretty good at research but this time I can't seem to find anything along the lines of behavior problems. the only things I come across seem to be ADD/ADHD and Autism. I know when I take him to the behavioral pediatrician that I will definitely ask about these two things even if it is just to rule them out. At this point we don't care what it is, just that it is diagnosed correctly. I hope to be able to see some progress, even if it is only minor by the time the baby comes. I started looking for help over a year ago and sadly this is as far as I've gotten. Everyone kept telling me that's how boys are but now they are starting to see the difference. I am hoping I can get somewhere with this appointment. Thanks again!
Add sensory processing to your list of things this could be. It is a neurological delay with some similarities to adhd. However, meds aren't effective for it and therapy takes the form of occupational therapy and things that directly affect the nervous system. It looks like play to the kid. My son has shown marked improvement to the point that rarely does anyone suspect anything. I wish you the best.
Wow, I was reading through the sympoms on that and he does has quiate a few. I will be sure to add that one as well. Thank you! Some of the sympoms are like no way that doesn't describe him but others are dead on.
I was the same with sensory symptoms--- but some of the symptoms came into the picture as he got older. Plus, sensory is a mixed bag---- each day is different for kids with it as to how they act and each kid is different. If he does have sensory, you are in luck. My son has responded in such a great way to therapy and we do lots at home. If this is his diagnosis, send me a message and I can give you some ideas of things to do with him that will help. Good luck!!!
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