Child Behavior Community
2 year old traumatized starting preschool
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to child behavior, discipline (behavior management), parent-child communications, and social development.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

2 year old traumatized starting preschool

I am a nanny for a 2 year old girl. She just started preschool 3 weeks ago. She is delayed in her speech. She can only say a few words.
When she goes to pre-school she cries almost the whole time and is always wanting to be held and comforted by the teachers. The teachers cannot teach the class. She is becoming very disruptive and they might have to kick her out.
The teachers do not know what to do and are asking me for help.  They can not hold her and comfort her the whole time she is at school. She is only there for 4 hours 3 times a week. and the parents are starting to get mad. I do not want her to have to leave because she has been traumatized with this new experience.
Her personality has also changed where she is very clingy now, and wants to be held, and can not leave my side or she will scream and cry.

Any ideas on how to help her adjust to preschool, or what the teachers can do to make it easier for her and them?
PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP.
Related Discussions
-1 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
OK so first off she is at the age when separation anxiety is the world's worst. She can reason that she is being left. In order for her to be left a preschool in an orderly manner, she has to understand that she is not being abandoned. Try getting a new stuffed animal or maybe a favorite one and letting her name it. (This is act as her security blanket.) Explain that whoever is dropping her off has something to do and it will only take a short while. Tell her that "Puppy" is going to school with her and that she has to keep him from being scared. Tell her that "puppy" gets really really scared when she cries and screams and that she has to make "Puppy" feel safe. This puts her in control of the situation and makes her feel like a big girl. It may take a few times, but she just might understand that you are coming back for her. It might even help if you let her take "Puppy" everywhere you go and leave him in the car at times. Make a big production when you get back to the car and he is still there clam and waiting for her return. Good luck!!!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
That is a good idea I will try it this week. I will try to make sure she understands because of her language and speech delay
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
She has bonded to her mother,  and then that was broken so now she has bonded to you,  and now she is being expected to  bond to a preschool teacher at the age of 2.

When she's 14,  she'll be drinking and cutting.  

Laura,  God bless you.  When you're a mother,  you'll understand this is impossible.  This baby is in an impossible situation.  You don't understand now as the nanny,  but you will understand some day the damage this baby has suffered.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
maybe she isn't ready for preschool yet? My friend took her kid (same age) out of school cos he would cry all day and he did that for whole 3 months. They are now doing parenting co-op classes once or twice a week and he is doing wonderful. He would play and participate in class cos he knows mommy is in the corner watching over him. Some kids needs a little bit more time with seperation anxiety but I wouldn't force her if she isn't ready. Wish you all the best.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I agree  - Why is she in preschool at 2 years old??   She needs her mother!!  Apparently she must be off doing something way more important - if she has a nanny and can afford preschool - she obviously doesn't need the money if she is working..  ugh.  Poor kid.  
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
doesn't sound like she is ready yet either.  she is s bit young. Most preschools around me won't even let them enter until the age of 3.  (that's preschools, not daycares).  I would go with the idea of co/class with children and parents / nannies.  This might ease her into daycare instead of being thrown into it.  It really doesn't sound like she's ready for preschool yet though.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
That poor baby doll! Well, here are my thoughts.  I don't think she'll be drinking and cutting, that's a bit extreme, although I drank underage, and I was never in daycare and only attended a Montessori preschool two days a week beginning at the age of two 1/2.  I certainly never cut myself.  Then again, I have German and Welsh and Irish decent,  so  my family never made drinking out to be something evil, and today, I have no problems with alchohol. Anyway, off the subject! sorry bout that.  Okay, so,  I don't think it's being in preschool that is the problem persay. Number one, she may very well be not ready yet, and since you're her nanny, you really can just teach her these things at home. Perhaps a talk with her parents, could help, and let them know that maybe this isn't the best thing for her right now. Also, I do kind of agree, where the hell is the Mom or Dad , in all this? Why did they have a baby, if they didn't want any part in raising her? I am not bashing women who put their kids in daycare, as sometimes,  they simply have no other choice. But it sounds as though this is a personal, and quite selfish choice , that this Mom has made. It sounds as if she doesn't have to have her in your care, but chooses to. I am a stay at home mom, I never had my daughter in preschool, I taught her everything she needed to know. By the time she started kindergarten (she turned 5 only 1 month before starting so she was the youngest in the whole school)she could count to 100 , write the entire alphabet upper and lower case, her name, address and phone number,  could do math addition and subtraction facts up to 10 , could read small words,  and knew all her colors and shapes. She is now a straight A student in the 5th grade and  reads at a 7 grade level. I am very proud as you can tell. My point is, not that I'm bashing you for being a Nanny, but  this mom sounds kinda self absorbed to me. Anyway, back to the problem at hand.  I also think you really need to look into the fact that her language is delayed. Only being able to say a few words at the age of two, is not normal for a girl that age, not that she's Abnormal persay, but there might be a problem she needs help with, that might be related to her being so clingy and needy. I would have it checked out by her pediatrician. The comments about her bonding and then having to be uprooted and then bonding with you, and then being uprooted again for daycare/preschool, are very valid points, and might very well be the root of her anxiety. Not all kids will react this way, but it sounds as if she hasn't  had a whole lot of stability in her young life. Perhaps her language is delayed a bit because her parents didn't interact with her a whole lot as a baby? I don't know, but I'd have a serious chat with her parents, and with the preschool teachers and try to get them to work with her, if her parents are determined to keep her in preschool. The stuffed animal idea is good too.  Just keep on loving her, she needs someone to care enough. And work with her on the language and I'd get her to a doc to make sure she doesn't have a problem in that area that is causing her delay. Unless her parents have already done that.  I hope this helps!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
For everyone thinking she is being thrown in pre-school to give the parents a break. Is not the case

She was recommended by her specialist to start school early and get the help she needs in school because of her delay.

As for her parents, her mother is a stay at home mom that has not left her daughters side since she was born. Her mother has not been away from her daughter for more than 1 day.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Don't get us wrong. No mom will leave their kids. Am not saying it is her mom's fault, I think her mom is feeling bad too. Am only saying that instead of leaving her alone in school maybe parenting co-op classes works better for her situation. I don't know how it is but either her mom or you could go and participate with her. This way she will learn school is fun and not something she get scared of, slowly she can then move up to school where she go stay there on her own. I did this with my son, I bring him to Gymboree Play Gym everyday since 6 months old all the way till he turn 1 1/2 years old and he loves it. He made friends, I made friends with other moms there and all was for fun.
Hope you feel better.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I agree with teko. Why does she need you as a nanny, if she's a stay at home mom? That's kinda strange. If she doesn't leave her daughter's side, then what do you do all day long? I guess I just don't get that part. Perhaps she's disabled and needs the help? Anyway, I certainly am not attacking you or her parents so I apologize if you felt that way. I just think everyone is probably right in saying she's just not up to it yet, or just needs some time, to get used to it. I would work on her speech, one on one, with a therapist, as others have suggested. That might be her best bet to improve that part of her life. As for the separation anxiety, that will get better with time, but I'd wait for preschool maybe till she's older? Well good luck with everything.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm a stay at home mom and OMG I would love a nanny sometimes I am also the mother of 4.  Maybe her mother is a new mom of 1 and scared maybe her mother is a "socialite" and thinks that all children need a nanny.  Maybe she just has a SH#*##* mother and she doesn't want to care for her.  Either way it seems that her nanny really cares about this child and is trying to help.  The nanny appears to feel as tho this is her child (love wise) and this is probly the closest to the real deal she will get until she has a child.  Many children this age need pre school for delays but if she can afford a nanny hire a speach therapist that will come to the home and work with the baby.  She is just too young for school setting.  My son started at 3 and that was okay with him.  He is now doing really great.  However, he had no problem going to school.  He liked it.  It's fine if they can hanle it but if not find a way around it.  That being said how long has it been?  It takes a few weeks to get used to this so has she had that time if so it's time to find something else.  GOOD LUCK!!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Maybe her parents could hire someone to help with her speech. Or maybe you could look up some things about how to relate to her since she has a delay. Some very intelligent people, including Einstein, were late talkers. I think her parents should not be "mad" about her not assimilating into preschool right now. Perhaps you could do some research and present them with a case as to why they should not be angry. I hope things work out for you.

Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Hi, I am a pediatrician, mother of a 2 year old and employ a nanny 3 days a week. I liked the suggestions people have already made.
I have a few suggestions to address her speech delay:
1. Particularly if she has had a history of many ear infections she should be evaluated by an audiologist to check her hearing. Covered by most insurances. As someone suggested, there could be fluid behind the eardrum. If she has not had many ear infections, she could have developed the fluid while having a cold and never cleared it. It would frankly be shocking if she had fluid behind the eardrums for 2 years without being seen on exam. I don''t know whether she babbled at 6mths, etc and the delay was noticed much later but it is much more likely.
2. Some states have a similar program to the Early Intervention program in Massachusetts which evaluates any child from birth to 3 regardless of insurance coverage. The evaluation is done in the home and if the child qualifies, the therapy is done in the home in the case of Early Intervention. If the state you live in does not have such a program, most insurances cover speech evaluation and therapy at a local center or hospital. Ideal if it is a children's hospital.
3. She may be a late talker especially if she is being exposed to more than 1 language, or she may just explode with language tomorrow!
4. If she shows any bizarre behaviors like hand-flapping, oversensitivity to textures, poor eye contact. I would be concerned about autism spectrum disorders but it seems she is social with people she knows so I think unlikely.
5. Read to her as often as she tolerates which I bet you do. She is fortunate to have you as a nanny.
I wish her all the best.
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Children's Health Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
134578_tn?1404951303
Blank
AnnieBrooke
OR
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
Sandman2
San Pedro, CA
480448_tn?1403547723
Blank
nursegirl6572
PA
757137_tn?1347200053
Blank
allmymarbles
NJ