2 yr old temper tantrum and sleep problems

My little boy is 2 years old and he is normally a very happy go lucky fun smart little boy.  Just recently he has started throwing these screaming kicking temper tantrums that usually last for an hour no matter how hard I try to comfort or disipline him.  He seems so inconsolable and upset.  Often time I find myself getting very fustrated and angry with him.  I have even gotten to the point where I knew that if I spanked him I didn't think I would stop.  I haven't done that.  I would never hurt my baby, but it worries me that I get that angry.  Also my son did not start sleeping through the night until he was 1.  He was doing good but now all of the sudden he wakes up every night and has one of his fits.  He won't stop until I take him to sleep with me or turn on a movie.  I don't want to cater to this behavior but I don't know what else to do.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal?

[Hazel30]

Does he still sleep in the crib or bed?  If in the bed then I cant help you as my 2yr old still sleeps in crib.  Is he having a tantrum because its bed time or just random tantrums in the mid day?  My son is very well trained when it comes to bed/nap time BUT when his father is home he trows a big tantrum when its time for bed  because  he knows daddy will give in and keep him up longer with me its the opposite because he knows Im more strickt.  So my advise is maybe to be more firm with him and ignore the tantrums and not give into them.  If he is still sleeping in the crib, put him in there and let him cry it out at the same time reassure him that you love him and that its bed time not play time.  Sort of like a ferber method.  I did the ferber method with my son when he was 6 months old and its the best thing I've ever done.  Hard but well worth it.
Good Luck

[luv4child06]

Thanks Hazzel.  He is in a crib when we are at grandma's and a bed at home.  He has the tantrums randomly throughout the day and they come out of nowhere.  I have tried to let him cry but after 2 hours of intense screaming and crying I just can't let him go on especialy since his voice is so horse after.

[Hazel30]

wow 2 hours of crying I can see how you get angry.   I get the same way when I drive and he screams on top of his lungs.  My son also tries to pull that on me to throw tantrums, not as severe as yours, but I just let him be and eventualy he calms down.  How about devoting his attention on something that he enjoys doing right when you see he's about to throw a tantrum.  That sometimes works for me.  Sometimes they may do it just for attention or maybe he cant express himself. Does he talk yet?  My son talks but not in sentences so sometimes he gets very frustrated.  if nothing realy works for you I would recommend talking to his pediatrician for some ways to defuse his tantrums or eliminate them period.  But me, I just ignore them and that seems to work best and sooner or later they grow out of them because  they  see no response on our end

-Fiana

[RockRose]

luv4 - is this your first child?  I ask,  because often parents get a sense of what is average when they have 3 or so kids,  they understand what is outside the bounds of typical.

Is this boy actually screaming for 2 hours at a time?  (I know 5 minutes for me seems like 30,  when hearing a child scream!).  If you look at the clock,  is he actually in full scream for 2 hours at a time?

That's not normal,  and he needs to be checked out if that's the case.  Childhood tantrums usually last for minutes,  and then they are able to calm down.  Several hours,  several times a day really needs professional attention.

Best wishes.

[pixijal]

We expect our children to behave socially by 'nature'.  Yet, we promote and teach them to walk and talk, even though they will do so on their own by 'nature'.  Children are NOT born with the ability to behave in a correct and acceptable manner, and it is our job to teach social development rather than to EXPECT IT.  Those who just expect their children to do what is right by living amongst us, will often find themselves wondering why their children behave the way they do.  

Do NOT attempt to comfort or discipline a 2 year old while having a tantrum.....that may be why he is 'throwing a fit' for an hour.  He has 2 choices, CALM DOWN, OR GO AWAY UNTIL HE IS CALM.  
  
You can tell him this:  "If you don't calm yourself down, you will go to your room until you are calm".  
Then:  walk him through calming himself down.  
Speak quietly, so he has to automatically hush a little just to hear you.  As soon as he begins to hush say: "your doing it, your calming yourself down, now I can understand you".  
If he starts to get upset again, explain that you cannot help him when he is NOT calm, and you cannot understand him (even if you can).  Tell him to take a deep breath....Walk him through calming himself.  This is a LIFETIME lesson that you are teaching him.  He has to learn to control his emotions.  You can help him learn his own self control.

If he REFUSES to particpate in any of this, simply tell him "ok, your still not calm, so it is time to sit in your room, and you may come out on your own when you are CALM".  

IF he refuses, PICK HIM UP, AND PUT HIM IN HIS ROOM.  If he tries to get out: put a door knob cover on the inside of his door, lock the door if he can't open it, or stand in the hall and hold the door closed.  Reiterate:  YOU MAY LEAVE YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU ARE CALM. You are not punishing him, you are simply forcing him to calm himself.  Leave the power to let himself out of the room when he is calmed down...he is not being 'grounded'.  You only need to use the force if he is still screaming and won't STAY in his room...and again, reiterate "you may leave your room when you are calm".  

Absolutely do NOTHING for him until he is calmed down.  
You'll notice that a tantrum or two later, he will calm himself without going to his room.  If he pulls this at the store, you MUST be willing to leave a full grocery cart of food if he doesn't calm himself down. Then, on the way home, you can tell him that you left his favorite juice and snacks at the store, as a result of HIM not calming down.  

Get control now, or your headed for trouble.
*********Good Luck************* :0)

[boosty]

i totally agree with the last comment

[luv4child06]

Thanks everyone that is some really useful advice.  In answer to your question RockRose, yes I have actually paid attention to the time of his tantrums.  For example, today at the grocery store we went in and he was fine for the first 20 minutes.  My mother just had a knee replacement so she was in an electric scooter and he was riding with her.  He wanted to get down and run away so I put him in my cart.  He became hysterical.  He was crying and screaming so hard he was shaking.  I walked to a less traficated area and tried to calm him down and as usual nothing worked.  We proceeded through the store for another 30 min.  Finally I gave my mother my groceries and money and took him and my six month old to the van.  Again nothing would calm him and this time he was upsetting my baby.  We waited another 15 min for my mother and he was in complete hysterics still.  The whole drive home which is another 20 min he still had not calmed.  It was about 15 min after we were home when he finally tired out.  This behavior is all so new to me because he just started it about a week ago and it happens everyday and night.  I don't want to read into anything but my brother was diagnosed with ADHD when his was his age and I see some similarities but I think it is too soon to tell.  

[luv4child06]

Thank you.  I sure hope it is temporary and now that I think of it,some of his tantrums are flared by his brother crying.  Hopefuly the older the baby gets the 2 yr old will accept it more.  I went to the pediatrition today and he said that this behavior is normal.  No he doesn't have issuses with tags and socks.  Other than the tantrums he seems very well adjusted and happy.

[RockRose]

Another thought - I know first borns often have real struggles when the second child becomes mobile - and kind of becomes a "person" instead of just a blob.  Maybe this will be a fairly temporary bump in the road for him,  it may be that he's really struggling with sibling rivalry.

Best wishes.

[RockRose]

luv - wow,  bless your heart.

This doesn't sound like adhd to me.  

Does he have any sensory defensiveness issues - trouble with tags in his shirts,  socks being irritating,  food textures,  things being too loud?

[blondie72]

He is 2 and you have a new baby????   Sounds like something to get your attention to me - Sounds like there may be a little jealousy - He probably notices that when baby cries you run to him/her so he is doing the same thing - You have to ignore it - I have an almost 30 month old and he only throws fits when he doesn't get what he wants - I put him in his room and walk away - After a couple minutes he yells out to me - "Mommy I done cwying now" LOL - I say Ok you can come out now and he does and he is fine - If he stays calm for a while then I will probably give him what he was wanting.   So try that - Just ignore the tantrums - The next time he has one in the store - LEAVE  - You can always go back.   You have to let him know it is NOT acceptable only praise the good things he does and he may be more likely to keep that up.  -  Good Luck - Raising toddlers is a HARD job and it is NOT always fun LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AGAIN GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

[EvoC]

My son is doing the same thing.  He just turned three.  He is normally perfectly happy, but then little things set him off.  He screams and cries for 30 minutes or more at a time.  There is no way to calm him down.  After he is done, he goes into a really, really deep sleep.  He is also sleep walking occasionally.  I never heard of sensory defensiveness before, but he does not like tags in his shirts and texture of some foods seem to bother him.  

[elicia01]

i have a 2 year old son who will not go to bed. He stays up till about 12am untill he falls asleep on the couch. If we try to put him to bed he screams & no matter how long we leave him or how many times we put him back to bed he still screams. If he wakes in the middle of the night which he usualy does he wont go back to sleep unless i get in his bed or he gets in ours. I try to give him a bottle & let him cry but he just wont stop. I also have a bad back & if he gets in our bed or i get in his it makes it alot worse. I can't function on this little sleep.

[charlienlola]

there  is a book which ive  just  bought called toddler taming by  Dr Christopher Green, he talks about tantrums in this book. My DD is currently waking up  from  the  hrs  of 2am to 4 am  and not going  back to  sleep  till lunchtime, so im  surviving  on around 4 hrs sleep per  night (hence the time  im posting this)

[SEMPERFIDADDY]

By SEMPERFI DAD.... I have a two yr old girl that have tandrums throughout the day and at bedtime. She is rated to be in the 50+% as far as her abilities and etc.. She has a 10+ yr old sister and mother that ends up being the victim when she does not get her way or whatever by hitting, yelling, and etc. I have seen the 2yr old get put in her crib and spazz out to the point that she broke one of the sides off of her crib. Now she sometimes will snatch on a handful of hair until you, can literally hear the strands start to slightly began to break. She has been like this for well over a yr. One thing I would say is she is technical inclined. She knows how to put her movies in the vcr/ dvd player, select play, and work the rest. She does not take naps during the day,  but sleeps for 6 hrs at times, then want to be up for the rest of the day. Time out and walking away does not work.
Are there any suggestions?

[geegee117]

I have a 2yr old grandson who is such a joy EXCEPT when he pitching a fit.  I know all the time-out and calming  techniques.  My concern is when you take him out of the store and leave your groceries.  That is what he wants...to leave the store.  So that fits into his game plan.  I do think this is his plan because he is very bright child.  At home if you ignore him he will stop soon but at a store he will not stop until you are gone.  What now?  He doesn't care about what you left just getting put of the store.