20 month old - in daycare for last 8 months - behaving sad last 2 to 3 weeks

Hi,

Our son started daycare about 8 months ago. The last 2 or 3 weeks his behavior has changed considerably. He is often complaining and being weepy (crying without tears), wimpering.

The last 2 or 3 weeks he has been sick and stayed home with mom or dad which would sometimes have him 4 days away from daycare.

He is still happy : about 50% of the time but not 95% of the time like he used to be (barring the usual crys of protest, etc)

For the first time in his life when I picked him up from daycare and came home with him, he rejected his mom. Started to wimpy, did not want to remove his coat, and wanted to leave the house for about 15 minutes. After about another 45 minutes with us doing our normal routine and trying to cheer him up he started to become his regular self again.

We would also like to know if anyone can recommend any great child behavior sites that are good for learning more.

Thank You

Chris and Vicky

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Sounds like normal transitioning.  And don't take it personally if he 'rejects" you.  That is a good thing.  It means he is happy at the daycare.

[waitingwithhope]

It could be just his age and adjusting to daycare. Also, though, it could be that something is going on and he is trying to express this to you- whether it be that he is sad not to have mom around or that something is going on at the daycare itself. I would do a "surprise" drop by of the daycare center a few times over the next few weeks. You don't even have to let your son see you, just check up on what is going on there. My son also had the same problem--turned out that the daycare was making the kids put their faces to the wall or to the floor and was screaming at them to "shut up". He cried so much all the time, I thought something was up too. I pulled him from the daycare as soon as I discovered this.

[tmv]

At this age they are learning to express theirselves and they also learn quickly how to respond from reading your body language and reactions. I think that he may be saying that he prefers to be with you, but doesn't know how to tell you that. And maybe upset if you are the one that takes him to daycare, he may be upset because he chooses to be with you. But, he will adjust. They do go through so many phases of growth and development. I have a great book from college nursing course, but I haven't found something online yet for you. But, I'm sure that they are out there. He may also be struggling with trust as trust is built by repitition and staying home when sick, although it can't be helped, makes him have to adjust all over again upon entering the daycare. Also, this may be his way of dealing with the separation anxiety that often goes along with this age. I would really be surprised if it were more than just this normal emotional growth and development.  Just be consistent and hang in there, more phases will follow and it is healthy for them.

[tmv]

Hi there, sorry it took so long to get back with you. I found something similar for you on the www.parenting.com website. If you click on ages and stages and under the 2 year old section there is an article on Daycare jitters and advice. Also, found one on Balking at Daycare adn stopping stranger anger. They have several interesting articles on different types of growth and development issues. Best of luck to you both.tmv