21 month old and new baby on the way

[Inparadise012]

My 21 month old son is spoiled rotten by my mom she allows him to do things me and my husband don't let him do at home we always get into a heated arguement about his behavior on how he act around her im about to have new baby in 6/22/12 and I'm so anxious on how he will act towards the new baby any advice

[Sandman2]

   Ya, I agree with specialmom that if you introduce the baby correctly to him (and make sure he gets his share of time), they will do great.
   But as margy asked?  Whats he doing.  He is not even into his "terrible two's"  and already he is being terrible?  And has he tried these things at your moms house and she dealt with the situation or ignored it or ?

[margypops]

It would be good if you can give some idea of the behavior, are you tougher on him than they are or vice versa?

[specialmom]

PS:  my boys are good buddies now.  Kids close in age can be a real blessing to a family as they become friends.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I have two boys myself that are 16 months apart in age.  I'm sure I was guilty of spoiling my firstborn as well as he meant/means the world to me and I adore him.  I think that as a parent, I do set boundaries, but isn't it the old cliche that grandparents spoil the grandkids?  My mom is dead and buried and i'd love nothing more than her to dote on my boys and give them special privileges here and there.  Now, if she is doing a lot of things that is making a huge difference in your son then  you can try to get on the same page.  Don't argue about it but instead, set your own boundary with your mom.  Not in a confrontational way but in a way that makes it clear that you love her and her relationship with your child but want her to respect you as the mother.  Pick your battles though.  

My beloved first born looked at the baby when we brought him home for a few minutes and then ran off to play.  Your child is of an age where it really is still all about them in their mind.  That is normal.  So, be upbeat about this new entry into the home as a gift to him.  A sibling, how wonderful for you!!!  Buy a small gift to bring home with you for your older son as a gift from the baby.  He'll love that.  Baby will sound good to him.

I also had a special box of books, blocks, puzzles, small toys that I rotated (a couple of boxes)---  they only came out when I needed to nurse.

I'd tell the new baby very loudly "Okay baby.  You are going to have to wait a minute.  It is brothers turn right now."  so then when you have to tell your older child to wait, he is not thinking it is unfair because new baby (who could care less)has to wait too.  

Try to still go places and do things with new baby and your 21 month old.  Infants are easy to take to the park . . .  actually easier than 21 month year old that is mobile.

But stay upbeat  and positive.  Don't leave them in a room alone together.  Kids of 21 months don't understand their strength and he could hug baby too hard or throw a ball across the room and bop baby.  You moniter that and don't get furious if it happens.  Just guide him.  good luck

[margypops]

Can you give us an instance of the behavior? They are the parents and really you do have to go along with the way they chose to bring up their child, even if you dont agree, I have been there I know how you feel ..you bite your tongue ..you could try a quiet discussion but I found that doesnt work ..