21 month old jealous of baby

[monet910]

I have a 21 month old and a four month old. Since my eldest turned 1 she has been throwing tantrums and it got worse with the new baby. She is really good with him but because she sees I carry him she wants to be carried all the time.. while I cook or clean or even carry the baby. I've tried yelling at her to stop. I've tried the ignoring her and letting her be but she can go for more than an hour of crying, screaming and rolling all over kicking. We've put her in her crib many times only for her to cry enough to throw up. I'm physicaly and mentally exhausted. She wont let any family members who she is close with to carry the baby. We still give her most of the attention but when she gets in tantrum mode its a true headache.. and all she wants is for me to carry her but I don't want her to think thats how she can get her way..

Another thing is that she takes her naps everyday and will fall asleep playing with my hair and then is put in her crib. Same thing at night. But for some reason she wakes up EVERY NIGHT at 1 am and wants to come into bed with us. Even if I hold her, rock her, give her her pacifier she refuses to fall back asleep in her crib.

What can I do with the tantrums because they are wearing me out.

[monet910]

Thank you so much for your advice! I feel a bit relieved.. I'm trying a new approach with her.. I think I felt a little overwhelmed and her tantrums just seemed to get to me reallly easily..

I noticed that over the weekend a trip to the movies helped A LOT!! Im sure being stuck at home all day gets frustrating for her... its just getting them out of the house is so much work sometimes.. By the time I get in the car myself I'm already exhausted!!

We do have both our families close by so theres people around her all the time. I have an older niece who volunteers to come play with her while I clean. haha

Hopefully this new approach works out.. Thanks again!!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  My boys are 15 months apart in age and I remember when my oldest was a one year old and my youngest was a newborn as a bit of a tough time.

First, know that one of the biggest changes a young child can have is the addition of a new sibling.  They DO want to be momma's baby still and seeing someone else in that place is hard.  I think I can understand that.  Also, the age your daughter is entering are the toddler years------------ not known for perfect behavior.  At your daughter's age, her speech is still limited-------- she has very few ways to convey her feelings to you.  And that is all her meltdowns are doing.  So instead of being angry and upset by it, look at it as her trying to let you know how she is feeling.  

Couple of things that I did---------  I would tell the little baby "now baby.  It is big brother's turn right now.  You are JUST gonna have to wait!!"  The baby could care less but my older son felt like things were fair.  Baby has to wait too.  And then if I needed to tend to the baby, I could ask him to wait a minute and he would not resent it because he knows that everyone gets a turn.  So try that.  

Things like feeding the baby, etc. I had a small box of special things I'd bring out during that time.  Books, little toys, etc.  It would distract him and that box would come out right when I had to do something with the baby (I nursed).  I rotated items in that box so it was always fun to see what was in it.  

I would do your best to NOT yell at her.  I think in young kids, this role model job of ours is important.  It is hard to tell her to stop crying and yelling while we are yelling at her, isn't it?  It would seem confusing.  So stay calm.  

I found time to spend one on one time with my older son away from the baby.  And dad pitched in a lot to make him feel just as special as the one who needed more care.  I did not hold the new baby all the time------- we kept a little moses basket in the downstairs and if he started to get sleepy, in he went. Then I was free to play with my one year old.  

Worry less about the housework if it is stressing you out.  I'm serious about that.  Having a messy house for a couple of years won't kill anyone---------  and when they are a little bit bigger, it is easier to juggle it all.  Again, ask your husband to help.

I like "mother's helpers" when my kids were that age.  This is a younger person than a typical babysitter that would come over for two or three dollars and play with my older son.  I mean-------- really play with and entertain him.  I was home too--------  and baby and I would go off and do whatever I needed to do.  

Do you have any family to help you?  

It is very tiring, I know, to have two kids close in age.  But time will go fast and it will get better.  Just try to see the fun in it now and look at the world the way they see it.  good luck