21 year old son

I am the step-mother of a 21 year old son. His father and I have 5 children all together. I had 3 daughters (19, 17, 15 yo) when we married (6 years ago) and my husband had 1 son and one daughter (16 yo) My husband's 1st wife died of a heart problem which was passed on to her son, the 21 year old. She died when he was 13 years old.

My 21 yo son is a liar. He makes things up and then actually believes them. He does this when backed into a corner, when he wants to show off, or just for no apparent reason. My husband tells me that he has always had a problem with lying, since he was very young. All kinds of things ranging from harmless stories about things he doesn't really know to vicious lies about friends and family.

He is constantly picking on his younger (biological) sister. Making noises that irritate her, passing gas at her. He actually hurts her with physical pain, hiting, kicking, etc. She thinks he hates her. This too is a pattern from early childhood.

He is very selfish and hates to do anything thing for the family even though he jumps for friends. He is rude in public and defiant. He also has several credit cards maxed out and can't control his spending. He begs us for money to by his heart pills and then comes home with new speakers for his car.

He refuses to take any responsibility for any of his actions he blames anyone he can. Usually by means of lying, screaming, losing his temper, etc.

He doesn't do chores unless asked repeatedly. Then it is an argument because it is unfair. This happens every day, nonstop.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Did you have a particular question about your son's situation? At his age, you would do well to (particularly if he continues to live at home) to set some firm, unalterable conditions to any support you are offering him. If he is unable to act like a responsible family member, you should withdraw your support (financial, that is). In situations where he can't be counted on to act in a responsible fashion (e.g., purchasing the medication), take it out of his hands, rather than continue to be taken advantage of.