2yr old with major behavior issues

My 2 yr old girl has always been over active, seems like everything we do does not tire her out. For a while now we've been dealing with her behavior issues. At daycare, home, and even in public. she hits, pulls hair, pushes other kids, fights bed time, fights dinner. She has a hx of chronic ear infections. (16 total) she had tubes put in her ears in Oct. 2010. She cont. to get ear infections and in fact her last one was MRSA postive. Her daycare lady is getting fed up with her because nothing works, time outs, talks, she says she just laughs at her and goes about doing things she shouldn't she does this at home too. she doesn't ever listen to the world no, and never does anything we ask her to do. We are almost to the point to where we have to pull her out of daycare because the other parents are tired of picking there kids up and having to listen to how mean our daughter was to their child today. Should i be concerned of ADHD, or another possible problem that is causing her behaviors? Since she's had the tubes put in her ears she really did calm down for a while. but it seems like it's all come back with a vengence. and we are to the point to where we don't know what to do anything. so i guess my question is, is this normal behavior? could this be a results of her previous ear infections? or does she actually have a major behavior problem?

[specialmom]

Hi.  Oh, parenting can be hard hard work, eh?  

Adhd is one of those things that is really hard to diagnose in kids under the age of 6 because what is "normal" is so vast in the early years.  Kids are all quite different and develop at different speeds.  Also, some of the key symptoms of adhd are pretty common among kids under 6 such as impulse control.  Hard to find a 2 year old with stellar impulse control.  Many are live wires full of energy as well.  So in my area, rarely is a child under age 6 diagnosed for adhd.

It's hard though when you have a child that is giving everyone a run for their money.  I would think in terms of what you can do to wear her out.  I have a child that has sensory integration disorder (which you can google ---------- your daughter is so young that it will be hard to get a true diagnosis of anything right now) who was diagnosed at 4 (assessed and it was undetermined at 3) and this can look very much like adhd.  It is a nervous system issue like adhd but is treated differently.  Medication does not work but instead a child does occupational therapy and during that they work on the nervous system through games and exercises as well as they work on behavior modification.  We've had tremendous success.  So, if I were in your shoes right now, here is what I would try-------

I would do things that are known to calm down the nervous system.  This is a rich day of physical activity that they call "heavy work" in the occupational therapy world.  I'd have her to a park each and every day.  I know you work and she is in daycare but you have to incorporate this into your day.  When at the park, encourage her to run, jump, climb the play structures, hang her off a monkey bar for a second and build her time, swing, roll down a hill, etc.  I'd sign her up for swim lessons at your local Y.  I'd pull out a mattress and let her jump and jump.  I'd make a sandwich out of her and have her lay face down on the ground and GENTLY press pillows on top of her----------  she'll love this or hate it but I'm guessing she'll love it.  Blow bubbles (soothing).  Sign her up for tumbling or help her do it at home.  Get her a soccer ball and have her run and kick.  Spend as much time doing this each and every day.  Do crazy animal walks including crab, bear, and leap frog.  Make a game of everything.  Google sensory processing disorder and "heavy work" for lists of ideas.

For behavior, you play with her at home like she is a peer.  If she is mean------- game over and she is in time out.  I found it effective to take a beloved item away such as my son's had to have blankie.  Yep, I got him where it hurt most.  So whatever your daughter values, that is your item that goes away if she is mean.  She must share with you, take turns, etc.  At two, redirect is usually helpful.  I'd also say that her daycare provider must always give her choices.  Do you want to sit by mary and keep your hands to yourself or do you want to sit outside the circle?  

I don't know if ear infections are part of it other than I think they make kids really uncomfortable.  Part of he sensory system does involve the middle ear.  My son's symptoms of sensory are far worse when he is ill or congested.  

good luck and hang in there.