3 1/2 yr olds behavior at School different than at home

[apeydu]

My son has been in preschool for a year and a half.  We have not noticed any changes at home, but his teacher has me very worried, she has sent home the following information, and calling it weird, and not normal.
* Walks around with one toy at cleanup time
* kicked toys
* Forgot where he was going on way to the bathroom
* talking off topic
* walked around table 2-3 times before going where he needed to go
* forgot where babywipes were, even though uses them everyday
* almost urinated on wall
* didn't recognize some numbers, but could before
* didn't come  in when called
She states she is zoned out sometimes. He does have allergies and we stopped his med to see if this would help. She says it has not

and the list goes on. We have consulted with our pediatrician, and he says there is nothing there medically. We have set him up with a behavioral specialist, but I am concerned about sterotpying him. We have not seen any of this at home.... Is this normal?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, it wouldn't be fair to regard the behavior as normal, though it is not unusual for children to display some behavior in one setting that may well not be observed in other settings. Hopefully the behavioral specialist will do some observation before settling on a plan. It could be that you are seeing the symptoms of an attentional problem, but it's important to be cautious about any conclusions because of his young age. Would you let us know about the conclusions of the specialist?

[apeydu]

I will let you know. I am very concerned about him, as he is adopted, and I am worried that he may have some of his birthmother's mental health traits. she is bipolar. He has always been very smart, talking very early, potty trained completely at 26 months, and very well behaved. we have a daughter that is 21 months younger, and she seems more active and less advanced as he was at this age. I am a WORRIED parent here. His appt with the specialist isn"t until 7/17/07... I am wondering how long I can hang in here!

[Cleveland Mom]

You are correct to consider the reports from the preschool providers about your son.  It isn't that unusual for very young children to behavior differently in different settings.  My 4 year old son is very verbal, and friendly when I take him to the local McDonald's play land.  However, when I take him to a much larger indoor playground space, he makes very few attempts to socialize with other children and acts quite timid.  He has had about equal exposure to both settings.  

Sometimes the particulars of the preschool program can influence how well a child functions in the preschool setting.  By this I mean, the philosophy of the program.  Is the program play-based and less structured or is it more academically based and highly structured.  What is the teacher to student ratio?  Some kids can be overwhelmed when a program isn't very structured and there are many kids in their class.  The kids may do better in a program with less children.

Regarding the medical history of your son's biological mother, you are also right to be very observant of his development because there is a genetic component to mental health disorders such as Bi-Polar d/o.  Its great that you have scheduled this evaluation.  Again, the information from the preschool is relevant but its one piece of the puzzle.  Information from how he behaves in other settings as well as the observations made by the behavioral specialist will all be weighed.  Best wishes...