3 Year Old Misbehaves

My husband and 3 year old son are as close as you can get.  My husband lays with him in bed at night, spoils him with treats.  When it's just me and my son, he is rude to me (most of the time).  Demanding to get him a drink, to get him food, to let him outside. He lies about finishing his food, so he can get treats, or he will throw his food in the trash so you think he ate it.  He is really hot/cold towards me, telling me that Iam mean to him.  I dont give in to his every want, I am the one to put the restrictions on him, but lately (1 year) because of this I am the bad guy.  I have a hard time with his mouthy, uglyness towards me, and usually try to ignore it by creating distance between us.  What can I do so he understands what is expected from him and that Iam not the bad guy??

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

From the description you offer, it sounds like you and your husband need to figure out how to relate to your son in a unified way. If your husband indulges your son, and you are the only parent to set limits, of course in the eyes of a three-year-old you will appear 'mean'. But children need discipline and limit-setting as much as they need nurturance and affection - it's all part of loving your son and serving as good parents. If you and your husband can resolve how you deal with your son, and you may need professional help to do this, you will see an improvement in your relationship with your son.