3 Year Old is different

[Heatherm4]

My Son turned 3 last Oct and I always thought he was a little behind since he was 18 months old.
He is very big for his age (size of a 5 year old) but then is behind cognitively. He does talk but like a toddler. You cannot hold a conversation with him. If you ask him do you want a cookie? He answers with 'no' or 'cookie'. Never says yes. People talk to him all the time (grandparents, strangers even us) and he doesn't pay attention. He just walks away like he doesn't even hear you.
We haven't had his hearing checked but I haven't really been concerned.

I registered him for JK in the spring but feel as though he is not completely ready. He doesn't say his ABC's and cannot even speak clear enough for strangers to understand him. He still babbles at times in place of words in sentences.
I've taken him to a speech therapy for children under the age of 6 and they said he's advanced in his speech but cognitively they aren't sure what to say. It's frustrating.

Something else that's different about him is that he's SUPER sensitive. Cries A LOT. Has since an infant. He doesn't like to wear clothes. I get him to put his clothes back on MANY times in one day. He covers his ears a lot for certain sounds or certain parts on movies. He also screams like you are torturing him when you are giving him a hair cut. Almost everywhere we take him, he cries. We try going out to socialize and do fun family things and it's usually ruined by him crying and us having to leave because he won't stop.

He is also quite defiant. I know younger children are. You can tell him something a million times and he just. won't. listen! NO type of punishment works. I've tried time outs, taking things away and even spanking. There are no other ways I can think of to get him to listen. This is probably one of the most frustrating of all of his behaviours. He is VERY busy and is constantly moving.

However, after all of my ranting and saying the bad things about my child :( I do have to say that he is quite smart. He potty trained like a champ and hasn't needed even training pants/diapers at night since before he was 3. He is cuddly, loveable, gentle, smart and loves his sister so much. He loves to help. He has a great memory when it comes to certain things as well.

I would just like to know anyone else's opinions on anything. I work with children for a living and know a lot on child development but I'm lost. Maybe I'm just clouded because he is my own child, I'm not sure. I have gone to the doctors and asked for a referral to a pediatrician but haven't heard back yet. My biggest fear is that he is autistic. There are some traits that I see but a lot of other traits that say otherwise. I almost think more of something like some type of sensory issue.

[specialmom]

I'm  not sure if my above was written in an understandable way.  Sorry.  What I mean is that kids can have disorders like sensory integration disorder and not be on the spectrum.  Sensory integration disorder is not in itself part of autism.  However, kids with autism can have sensory symptoms or disorder as a secondary condition to their autism.  They are not one and the same.  

Kids have all sorts of things and some need more help than others to adjust and cope.  I think the poster has followed the right path of your medical doctor helping to investigate the underlying issues.

Thankfully, through OT, my own son has overcome much of his sensory issues.  Finding the right diagnosis is essential rather than a catch all.  good luck

[specialmom]

I do want to make it known that sensory integration disorder and kids that have this are not on the autistic spectrum.  My son has spd and is not on the spectrum.  However, many kids with autism have OVERLAPING sensory disorder as a secondary comorbid condition.  They really are two separate things and having one does not mean that a child will necessarily have the other.  

I would not assume this child has autism.  good luck

[Ecologic]

The way you describe your son makes me think of PPD-NOS. It's a condition on the autistic spectrum where kids have some autistic symptoms but not all of them. A mild cognitive impairment and high sensory needs are often associated with PPD-NOS. These kids are the most sensory kids on the spectrum from what I have been told, they seek sensory reactions a lot. But I am not a doctor and your son could have something totally different - or nothing at all.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/pdd-nos

Does your son go to daycare? I would encourage that experience if he is not in a daycare already. Anything that will put him in contact with his children his own age is good.

The best is to have your son evaluated by a state psychologist specialized in autistic spectrum diagnostics. You'll need a referral from a pediatrician to see this type of psychologist. I would push for this evaluation for your peace of mind, they are the best specialists to make a diagnostics or tell you your child is absolutely not on the spectrum.

Good luck!

[Heatherm4]

Thanks everyone for your input. I just called the doctors office and I'm still waiting on an appointment for a ped. I'm so hoping that it's nothing and that he's just slightly delayed. If not, we will help him with anything he needs.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, my son had many similarities to your son as a little guy.  You mention some things that are 'classic' symptoms of sensory integration disorder which is what my son was diagnosed with.  Things like not wanting to wear clothes.  My son hated certain things and acted like they hurt him.  Socks with seams, things around his neck like a turtle neck, certain materials, etc.  Oh my goodness, an undershirt with a tag?  that was definitely something that resulted in tears.  (fortunately they make many seamless, tagless clothes these days which helped!)

Hair cuts, hair washing, hair brushing---  all not a good scene.  Teeth brushing was not a joy either.  

My son was easily overwhelmed at various things like family parties and louder places like a mall, play center, etc.  And he could get overexcited around other kids and have a meltdown.  Good times.  

There were many other 'things'.  

Preschool was very difficult for him.  However, he was diagnosed at the age of 4 with sensory integration disorder (also called sensory processing disorder) and we began occupational therapy.  What a life changer!!  My son is now 10 and doing fantastic in the 4th grade.  We learned through occupational therapy how to do things to affect his nervous system (mainly directed physical activity and deep pressure) as well as coping mechanisms and behavioral techniques.  Really wonderful stuff.  My son now is active in sports, has straight A's, has friends, plays an instrument, etc.  He can handle himself at school just fine and is able to enjoy a party with his friends or family.  

So, for us, we found the right 'root' cause.

because of what you wrote, I'd encourage you to google Sensory Processing Disorder which should pull up a web site called SPD.  This is a great web site that gives information that will help you look at symptoms and ways to overcome.  They do something called 'heavy work' for sensory and this is things like moving some heavy books across the room, jumping on a trampoline or mattress on the ground, etc.  Kids generally think it is all great fun and that web site has many great ideas.  

Let me know what you think and if it applies to your son at all.  Remember, not EVERYTHING will be what you see in your son---  look for similarities.  good luck

[Sandman2]

   I can understand your concerns.  And, as Mark, mentioned its probably worth talking to a doctor about.
    I think its still worth enrolling him in JK.  If its an experienced teacher, they will be able to give you a very good feeling as to how he compares with other kids.  Some of his behaviors are certainly age related.  And if he does need any kind of help - its a great place to start.
    However, numerous of his behaviors sound very much like Sensory Processing Disorder.  And that would certainly explain a number of his actions.   Please check out this link for more information on SPD (or SIDs)-
         http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/
   If this does sound possible or if you have any questions, we have a site monitored by Specialmom here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396          ;
   Ask her any questions you have.  If I remember correctly her own son was diagnosed with SPD or SID (same thing) at about this age.
   Hope this helps.

[MarkLakewood3367]

I think that the only thing you can do at the moment is to discuss these behaviors with an MD.  Then again, he is only 3 years of age.  Quite a few of the behaviors you mentioned very well could be age related.