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3 Yr old boy potty trained fine at preschool and in public but pees on floor
My three year old son, is potty trained for the most part. He does great at preschool and when we are out in public. He does fine when home with Mommy alone, very rarely is there any sort of accident. He uses the potty automatically. When I (daddy) get home though, he takes on a noticeably different behavior. He will pee his pants and change them, and often times, he knows he has to go pee but rather than go into the bathroom he will just go into his room and pee on the floor. This also seems to be tied in with going into Mommy and Daddy's room and taking valuables out of Daddy's drawer, and hiding them in and around his bed or in his play room. I have tried discipline of various forms, I have tried rewarding good behavior, I have tried redirection, I have tried time outs, I have tried having him clean it up, I have had him help me clean it up, I have tried withholding fun things he likes to do with Daddy.
When he has blatently pee'd in his pants I have tried making him wear the wet pants which he voices that he does not want to do but he will concede to doing it and continue on.
Also living in the household we have a five year old girl. I have never had any sort of problem like this with her. Though I do not compare them and never make mention of my son doing like his big sister.
My wife's obversations have lead her to say that it almost seems as if there is a power struggle that starts once I get home from work. While this is a possibility, during the times when I have the kids by myself and my wife is gone, I have no behavior or potty problems with my son, the problems all seem to start when both Mommy and Daddy are home together.
Any ideas?
When he has blatently pee'd in his pants I have tried making him wear the wet pants which he voices that he does not want to do but he will concede to doing it and continue on.
Also living in the household we have a five year old girl. I have never had any sort of problem like this with her. Though I do not compare them and never make mention of my son doing like his big sister.
My wife's obversations have lead her to say that it almost seems as if there is a power struggle that starts once I get home from work. While this is a possibility, during the times when I have the kids by myself and my wife is gone, I have no behavior or potty problems with my son, the problems all seem to start when both Mommy and Daddy are home together.
Any ideas?
That's excellent that you've formed the reading to your children habit. I don't think parents realize how much it means to kids! Children really aren't that complicated but we put adult emotions/thoughts/motives into their heads sometimes when all they really needed was time for things to work out and a little bit of patience/persistance on the parents' part :).
It sounds like you're coping wonderfully as a blended family! Not all families can boast that...you and your wife have done a fantastic job.
The "baby" of the family is often the one who is the most sensitive. It's certainly true in our house! I really don't know why it works out that way but it seems to quite frequently.
I truly hope your son's behavior resolves soon. Wet pants aren't any fun for anybody involved! Keep up the good work though!
Kelly
It sounds like you're coping wonderfully as a blended family! Not all families can boast that...you and your wife have done a fantastic job.
The "baby" of the family is often the one who is the most sensitive. It's certainly true in our house! I really don't know why it works out that way but it seems to quite frequently.
I truly hope your son's behavior resolves soon. Wet pants aren't any fun for anybody involved! Keep up the good work though!
Kelly
childrenrtreasures - Thanks a lot for your insight. I think about half of what is helping me (us) through this is being able to share and get recommendations from others. I actually have three children, a 10 year old boy from a previous marriage and of course my 5 year old daughter and then this one who is my youngest. The 10 year old lives with his mother, and we are lucky as our relationship is not strained so being able to bring my 10 year old to spend time with sister and little brother is never a problem. What is frustrating is that I never had any problems like this with the older two.
I think you may have hit something when you say it may be tied to the attention that Mom and I share. When he is with either of us by ourselves he is fine, so when we I get home the one on one attention he has had from his mom (Sister gets plenty of attention too, but even that is Mom and daughter) is threatened, because he wants the attention from Mom and now that Dad is home he wants that to.
During the past three days I have tried almost exactly what you said. I have not shown much reaction to his "accidents", I have merely just given him clean clothes and had him help me wipe up the mess (if any). I make it a point to read to my children at least 4 - 5 nights per week, they absolutely love it.
I think you may have hit something when you say it may be tied to the attention that Mom and I share. When he is with either of us by ourselves he is fine, so when we I get home the one on one attention he has had from his mom (Sister gets plenty of attention too, but even that is Mom and daughter) is threatened, because he wants the attention from Mom and now that Dad is home he wants that to.
During the past three days I have tried almost exactly what you said. I have not shown much reaction to his "accidents", I have merely just given him clean clothes and had him help me wipe up the mess (if any). I make it a point to read to my children at least 4 - 5 nights per week, they absolutely love it.
I don't think that any of the approaches you tried were "wrong". It's a natural consequence that if a child wets his pants he has to sit in them until it's time to change his clothes (we're not talking days here...if it's when dad gets home then there's only a few hours until bedtime at the most). Obviously it wasn't an effective solution for your family and it's good you've moved on.
I have 5 children and two of them do not handle change well. I firmly believe that continuing to have him change his pants and clean up his mess until the circumstances resolve is a fine solution. Don't make a big deal out of it (a nonchalant "go change your pants and clean up the floor" should suffice...if he doesn't know how show him and then let him do it himself after that).
I think you just need to press on and the situation will pass as your son adjusts to the changes.
In the mean time maybe you could make a tradition of reading a story or playing a game (like memory or building with legos etc...) with him for 15-20mins or so every evening. Kind of a Dad/son thing; if there's a power struggle going on this may lighten his view a little.
It's also normal for young boys to be jealous of the attention their Dads get from their moms. The time you spend with just him may make mom's attention towards you less threatening to your little man.
It sounds like you're doing fine. Try to stay emotionally detached from that particular behavior...a reaction will only make things worse I think. I often share with my kids the difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is generally out of a self motive (get the kid to stop peeing his pants because it's bothering you guys...it'd bother me too!) and responding is usually out of an "other than self" motive (it's more work but do what's best for the child, i.e., taking responsibility for his actions and spending more time with dad in a nonthreatening way).
Parenting can be so daunting at times. I've comforted myself through many parenting dilemmas by reminding myself that the situation will most likely not be present by the time my child graduates from high school :). LOL, honestly I hope the circumstances resolve soon!
Kelly
I have 5 children and two of them do not handle change well. I firmly believe that continuing to have him change his pants and clean up his mess until the circumstances resolve is a fine solution. Don't make a big deal out of it (a nonchalant "go change your pants and clean up the floor" should suffice...if he doesn't know how show him and then let him do it himself after that).
I think you just need to press on and the situation will pass as your son adjusts to the changes.
In the mean time maybe you could make a tradition of reading a story or playing a game (like memory or building with legos etc...) with him for 15-20mins or so every evening. Kind of a Dad/son thing; if there's a power struggle going on this may lighten his view a little.
It's also normal for young boys to be jealous of the attention their Dads get from their moms. The time you spend with just him may make mom's attention towards you less threatening to your little man.
It sounds like you're doing fine. Try to stay emotionally detached from that particular behavior...a reaction will only make things worse I think. I often share with my kids the difference between reacting and responding. Reacting is generally out of a self motive (get the kid to stop peeing his pants because it's bothering you guys...it'd bother me too!) and responding is usually out of an "other than self" motive (it's more work but do what's best for the child, i.e., taking responsibility for his actions and spending more time with dad in a nonthreatening way).
Parenting can be so daunting at times. I've comforted myself through many parenting dilemmas by reminding myself that the situation will most likely not be present by the time my child graduates from high school :). LOL, honestly I hope the circumstances resolve soon!
Kelly
HVMA-Ph.D.-KDK -- Thank you for your reply. Let me take a moment and clear something up. We only tried making our son put his wet clothes back on for a short time (about a week and a couple of days), that brought no results. Their were several different things we tried and when they did not work we moved on to something else. Now to give you a little more information. My wife and I have a very strong foundation in our relationship. I am a Marine of 22 years. If my wife and I have a disagreement or problem we make it a point to not let things get out of control. However that is very rare, my wife is my best friend. Currently, we are living overseas and have been over here for the past year and a half. We noticed a lot of behavioral changes in our son when we first arrived here. He is very set and scheduled little boy, and any changes to his routine produces some noticeable bahavioral results. HOwever, this pee'ing on his bedroom floor has only recently begun in the last 2-3 months, during which there has been no significant changes to his routines. Hopefully this gives you a little more information. Again, thanks for any suggestions for helping us figure out a fix for this problem will be greatly appreciated.
DinaGrimes -- Thank you for your suggestion, we will consider something similar.
DinaGrimes -- Thank you for your suggestion, we will consider something similar.
I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was ~3 years old. In our case it was when she went to the babysitters. She had been with the babysitter since she was 4 months old and completely loved and trusted the sitter (there was defiantly no problem or issues with the sitter). She had been potty trained for about a year (very easy to train with no accidents). Out of the clear blue (no changes in life or schedule) she started to pee and poop her pants during nap time at the sitters. No accidents any other time or at home!!!! We could not figure out why she would start doing this. It went on for about 6 months. I spoke to her doctor about the situation and the doctor suggested rewarding her with stickers everytime she woke up dry and not making a fuss when she didn't. We started doing this and the problem ended about 2 weeks later and never came back (she is 9 years old now). We are not sure why it happened (and never will be) and are also not sure if it was the stickers or just coincidence that solved the problem. Maybe it will help for you!!!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I guess I'd be stating the obvious by commenting that your son's behavior does appear to have something to do with the interaction of family members. It will probably require more scrutiny to figure out what might be occurring. Sometimes it happens that children act out in order to distract parents from their own interaction which children find stressful. What is the nature of your and your wife's relationship? Is it generally in good shape? Are there overt conflicts between the two of you beyond what might be regarded as trivial, occasional disagreements in the context of a strong foundation? As a side note, I don't think it is prudent to have your son wear his wet clothes.
TKJ0321 - Please read and comprehend everything I said. There were three key words you seem to be missing. "I have tried", when I wrote that word "tried" I am hoping that people will realize that I mean I did it one way for a period of time and when that did not work I "tried" something else. Perhaps I should also say that I have TRIED to not make any deal out it and see if that helps. Trust me when I say that I have tried an approach, I am not saying that I did it a certain way for one instance or one day. My son is 3 and I understand that repetition is a necessity. The different methods we are trying, are being done because we are asking questions and seeking advice. Exactly what we are doing here. However, thank you very much for your opinion. We too have heard not to punish them. However, I am seeking possible solutions so any advice you may have to offer would also be greatly appreciated and heavily weighed and "tried".
"Being a parent cannot be learned from books, it takes a lifetime to learn, and a community to raise a family." - unknown.
"Being a parent cannot be learned from books, it takes a lifetime to learn, and a community to raise a family." - unknown.
I think you are going about it completly the wrong way. What you are doing is wrong. I was told to never punish kids for going in their pants because it makes the situation worse. Whats even worse is that you are making him sit in soiled pants. That isn't right and you shouldn't do that. With that said I think the reason he is doing that is not becuase of he has anything wrong with or has anything to do with "mommy and daddy." I think it has to do with you punishing him. Im not a doctor but this is just my opinion.
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