My son recently became just plain angry at anytime i ask him to do something or not to do something. He has always been wild and liked to bang his toys around. But i was just told its because he is a boy. I am worried i am doing something wrong. I do have a short temper when he does misbehave but i have never beat him or physically hurt him ever. So the things he is doing dont make sense to me.
We moved in with my fiancée in July and i recently became a "stay at home" mom with him. With this move he has gained and older girl sibling (6 1/2) and he sees his dad weekly for two days. His dad and his girlfriend have been together for over a year and they now have a 2month old baby boy as well.
The behaviors my son is having lately is he has started trying to smack me at bedtime, throwing a book at me as i walk out the door, he my fiancées daughter, and spit in his fathers girlfriends face. He does this anytime he is told to do something or not to do something. Im worried how do i help the situation before it gets worse?
Ahhh, three year olds. Such joy. And I agree, your little one does sound angry. Couple of things. I'm sure it is no coincidence that his behavior has escalated as you've moved him in with your boyfriend and his child as well as dad having a baby a couple of months ago. These are BIG ------------ HUGE changes to a three year old. They have limited emotional maturity and haven't yet learned how to handle their feelings. And that would create a lot of them for a little guy. He now shares mommy and daddy with other kids. He now has two different adults that he has to deal with that hang out a lot with his mom and dad. It is hard on a little guy even in the best of circumstances. I know you're moving on and creating a home for him and what a blessing to be able to stay home with him------ but it still creates feelings within a child.
They also have limited speech at that point to talk about their feelings. I think you can try to talk to him more. Say "you look angry" what can we do about that? If he is a crasher/banger and active child (I had one of those who has sensory integration disorder as the cause)---------- it is essential that you give him tons and tones of outlets. Take him to parks, indoor gyms, etc. and let him run, jump, climb, roll, swing, etc. Get him some banging things like a bop bag or a cobble stone set to hammer at (playskool makes one that you can find cheap on ebay), etc. that will help relax his overall nervous system. I swear this helps with outbursts and temper issues. Swimming is another great activity and he is the perfect age to start swim lessons.
Go get books on emotions at the library and read them to him. Give him kid language to describe how he is feeling and understand it inside. Learn his triggers and change things up. If it happens over certain issues or at certain times of days, prepare for it and make some changes to head the issue off at the pass. Redirection is a good method which means having something to take his mind off of being mad ready right away and also giving him choices is essential. Giving choices allows him to feel like he has some control and he is more apt to comply even though you chose the choices and are actually the one controlling the situation. There is a great book "hands are not for hitting" that I recommend. Simple and to the point. He gets a time out if he hits each and every time.
Lastly, I know it is hard to stay calm but with a volatile child you must. Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth so you don't yell. As you escalate, he will so it is important to stay as calm as possible.
Parenting is hard work, eh? I know!! I'd also consider a very part time preschool such as one or two mornings a week. Then you get some outside feedback on him as well. good luck
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