3 year old behavior

My daughter has been 3 since June.  I thought the "Terrible Two's" were done, but it seems we've moved to the "Troublesome Three's."  The outbursts will come with the drop of a hat and for reasons that I sometimes do not understand.  They have also become much worse recently.  She has good verbal and communication skills and is intelligent, but she sometimes tells me that she doesn't know what is wrong.  I'm about ready to call the pediatrition, and I don't know how much longer I can continue walking on eggshells around her.  My husband and I do spank at times, though not really any punishment works.  She won't sit for a time-out or stay in her room if told to, and the tantrum just gets worse.  She gets so angry that she literally shakes along with the crying and screaming.  She will even try to hit me at times.  Sometimes it's all I can do not to scream right along with her.  Does this sound like "normal" 3 year old behavior or is something more going on?

[DustyL]

YES! It's unfortunately normal. However, you need to keep your foot FIRMLY on the floor when it comes to violence! TIME OUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT IT! if she will not sit, replace her in the chair without a word! As far as tantrums when she wants for no reason or when she doesn't get her way, IGNORE THEM (it'll be hard) but when you give her attention (even if it's asking her to stop or yelling at her) your reinforceing her bad behavior. Simply walk out of the room, ignore her behavior until she stops screaming. Once she stops, however, immediately approach her an say "now that your calm would you like to talk about whats bothering you?" if she says no... then leave it be. If she starts LISTEN TO HER (even if you do not agree) LISTEN!!!! Let her say what she has to say and then come back with Thats a very good point, however, this is whats going to happen THIS TIME. But maybe next time if you can say this calmly FIRST we can go with what you want. Do this everytime when she STOPS crying and only then!!!! If and WHEN the time comes where she calmly brings something up to her, PRAISE HER, "i'm so pround of the way you asked!" and give in to her a couple times when she approaches you the correct way to give her the sense of accomplishment WHICH SHE NEEDS!!!! If you find that she is following you with her tantrum go into the bathroom, with a good book (lol) and shut the door. Do not allow her to follow you in there... or choose a bedroom some place she can't follow you... or even walk out onto the porch where she can see you through the glass, but your ears are muffeled from her screaming. It shouldn't take long for her to learn that she is going to get NO ATTENTION by screaming and throwing a fit and she'll start to come around.... GOOD LUCK!!!!

[LisAnne]

I have actually gone out to the porch a few times during a tantrum.  I have a 2 year old also which poses a problem with trying to get away; I have to take him with me.  I have never really followed a consistent punishment which I think has worked against me, but I am going to try the time out with setting the kitchen timer.  I get so angry sometimes with her and I know she is testing me...  I know that I also have to just forget spanking for this sort of thing, though my old fashioned mother thinks that's what's best!  I feel horrible afterwards and neither one of us got anything out of it.

[DustyL]

hey i understand that all too well, I used to get a whoopin when I did wrong and I turned out ok, but after researching new way to change behavior  I have found it doesn't solve much and these days with Protective services right around the corner it's better to be safe than sorry. Just stick to your guns! You can do it... and it may be difficult to remove yourself and the little one... but look at the bright side you would only have to do it for a few days... you'll see an improvement quickly TRUST ME! She want's attention and when she doesn't get it that way she's going to look for other options. just keep reminding yourself that things will get better and keep you head up!!!! Consistancy is key!!! Hope it help... keep me updated =]