3 year old blues

my 3 year old son has a very bad temper. Whenever he doesnt get his way he either throws a fit or hits or yells. Its like he doesnt respect my husband and i at all. we have tried everything from time outs, making him sit in his room until he calms down, taking favorite toys away, and even smacking when neccesary. nothing works. how do you get a 3 year old to understand when you listen you get rewarded and when you dont you get punished?

[venusb2fly]

Pay more attention to the positives. Make a sticker chart and every time you "catch" him doing something positive, he gets a sticker. After "so many" stickers he gets a treat or small toy or an outing out with mommy and daddy.

The most important thing to look at though is your reaction. Are you throwing as big of a tantrum toward him as he is throwing (in his eyes? don't forget you are bigger than he is and everything you do is bigger because of your size relationship to him). Children really do model what they see their parents doing, and they can't put you in time out!