3 year old disipline issues

[marlene04]

Hello Everyone, I just came back to work from thanksgiving behavior and I realized being so many days with my son at home, he is loosing respect for me. My son is three years old and thinks he is the boss. I have used the 1-2-3 method in the past and it worked, but now i see that he doesn't care as much. I use time out but the director at his preschoool told me that that is not the right way discipline a child. My son listens to his dad and not to me. He tells me that he doesn't love me because i always scream at him and that i hit him. I do spank him every once in a while but I just do not know what to do anymore. I am a very loving mother with him, so i now it is not lack of ttention. I want my son to respect me not be afraid of me; i do not want to have to spank him. What can I do so that he will respect me? How do i disipline him?

[marlene04]

Well , i must say... It works. I am not going to lie that it takes alooooooooooot of patience. But I feel so much better with out having to yell at my son. I have been in a peaceful mood not yelling at him or spanking him. He is so much happier also. He still threw his shoes at me last night when he got mad and he called me ugly a couple of times; but I know it will take time. I gave him 2 warnings about calling me ugly or throwing things at me, I want him to realize that I am giving him a chance, rather then just yelling like a crazy woman. Although, if he continues I am going to put him on time out. Overall, I must admit that the situation is becoming alot better. I am just scared that he is going to take my kindness for granted and try to step all over me, and do whatever he wants. I guess that's when I need to step up and use timeout; to show him that there are going to be consewuences for his behavior. Thanks Ladies and Have a WONDERFUL Day!

[April2]

You know, kids are amazing. They are so intune to our feelings. They pick up on them with amazing accuracy! If you are feeling stressed, anxious, angry, frustrated, etc., they will start acting grumpy, anxious, whiny, etc. It's so true! It's almost like it rubs off on them!

Today, I was in such a good mood. I had something good happen lately and I've just been real happy. Well, today I took my 3 year old to the grocery store and had him sitting in the cart and was just kinda playing with him, zooming down the aisles, tickling him once in awhile and he just giggled and smiled the whole time. There was an older gentleman who was watching and smiling and said "He sure is a happy little guy!" He was happy because he was picking up on my mood!
I've also found that when he's a little grumpy or whiny and I'm in a good mood, I can change his mood by acting silly, tickling him, etc.

I guess we don't realize the power we have over our kids with our moods! My husband always says "If mom's not happy, nobody's happy!" He always says we set the mood for our home. I guess he's got something there.
Hope this helps all us moms! We need like a support group or something! Lol! Have a great day everyone! Go hug your kids! :)

[wrrywrt1]

All of that makes so much sense! My 4 1/2 yo son seems to turn any time with me into an issue. Getting dressed, eating, brushing teeth, picking things up, even getting ready to go to the park for fun. He'll be in shorts, throws a fit or hits himself because I told him he had to wear pants (it's cold). He will say he doesn't love me or tell me I don't love him, or that he loves Daddy better because Daddy plays more with him (his words). But we can't even get around to playing. Wants that crayon, not this one. Has to wear that hat, not this...so forth. And I'm not as silly as Daddy, but I'm really starting to feel like a failure more and more every day. It is obvious he'd rather be with anyone else. I'm sure my worrying about it doesn't help. Nor does my being jealous of the people he'd rather be with (my husband says he has two 4yos). But the worse I feel about my mothering (lack of) skills, the worse it all gets. I don't spank. I don't yell (unless he's gone too far ahead of me on his bike). I have tried time out, tried taking away whatever toy. I hate to use no playground as punishment because then we are both inside mad. I tried not reading a story at bedtime when he did all that dallying and getting loud and silly and using the word "poop" in every sentence. But his bedtime has (until recently) been story, prayers, snuggle. Our special time. We used to connect, he'd even talk to me about things (like "who made God?" and "why did Hurricane Katrina make such a big mess?", and about his friends, what he did at school, etc.) Now it is trying to calm down his EXTREME silliness and trying to figure out if what he is telling me is really true or a tall tale. Another "issue". But I have read somewhere not to give the impression that you are withholding your love as punishment. As in, no story if he doesn't get ready for bed when told. As an adult I wouldn't think of that as taking away love, but I can imagine to a 4yo it could. And I can't stand to kiss him goodnight, tell him I love him, say our prayers and leave him crying himself to sleep because of no story. We did it once and felt awful about it. I even tell him I don't like to fuss, that we'd have more time for fun if he'd cooperate and didn't have to fuss.

He still has "accidents". The other day he was playing and walked like he had to go but said he didn't need to. I guess I should have made him go because he wet his pants.

Today (I started writing this yesterday) I tried to be more matter of fact and calm and not even act frustrated. IT WORKED!!! On a field trip at school, at lunch, home playing, even using the bathroom before we left the house again, getting his flu shot. It has been an awesome day!!! Don't want to jinx myself...not even ONE timeout. Because I had adopted a better attitude! Thank you. I will keep trying that. Wish didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

[April2]

First of all you should never scream at him. I can understand why he would rather be with his father if you scream at him and hit him. There's never any reason to hit, spank or scream. He will lose respect for you because he sees that you've lost control. That's actually pretty scary for a kid to see his parent lose control. You have to remember that you are the parent and you have to model the behavior that you want him to have. So if you don't want him to yell, then you should not yell. If you dont' want him to hit, you should not hit.

I have a 3 year old too and I just can't imagine hitting him or yelling at him. They're just so small! Yes, they can be frustating when they aren't listening or trying to assert themselves, but that's normal! That's all a part of him growing and learning. I've learned that I get my 3 year old's attention more if I make a game of things. Like for instance if I say it's time to brush his teeth and he says no and runs away, I run after him and swoop him up and make him giggle while I growl at him. All the while I'm leading him to the bathroom and causing enough distraction that he doesn't mind brushing his teeth. Same thing with bedtime. Sometimes he's not ready to go to bed (well, most times actually!) when it's bedtime and he'll run away or throw himself down and start crying. I'll come along and pick him up and tickle him and give him a ride to his room and kinda make a game of things that distracts him enough that I can quickly put his PJ's on and get him ready for bed. I also give him lot's of praise when he's brushed his teeth, went potty, etc. and it always makes him have a big smile on his face.

Your child will be more likely to listen to you if you can remain calm even cheerful, but still maintain control. It's a fine balance. I find my 3 year old listens a little more to me because my husband lets him whine more than I do. I will say no firmly but then distract him so that he forgets why he was whining. Does that make sense? At his age that's the best way to handle things.

And I have no idea why his teacher would say not to use time out. Time out can be very effective for preschoolers.(And by the way, I'm a licensed home daycare provider and I've had the same amount of training as most of these preschool teachers.) I'd only use it for big offenses though. If the distraction won't work and he's throwing things or being distructive and won't stop, I'd put him in a chair and set the timer for 3 minutes and tell him he has to sit there for 3 minutes. After his time is up, explain what he did that was wrong. Ask him to say he's sorry and then give him a hug. It's important for him to know you still love him even when he does wrong.

Again, I'll stress, spanking doesn't work and it will backfire. He will become more agressive. He will lose respect for you and become afraid of you. I know you don't know that. Try real hard to remain calm and loving but firm. And try and remember he's only 3 years old!

I hope any of this helps. I'm no expert but I have raised two teenagers and I have a 3 year old and I've worked a lot with children. Just hang in there. Oh and wait about 10 years and come back and talk to me! It gets real fun when they hit the teen years! :D