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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
3-year-old fears loss of bowel control
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
3-year-old fears loss of bowel control
by Laura28, Apr 10, 2002 12:00AM
My daughter turns 3 next week, and the problem we have seems to stem from an incident last summer when she had a bm in the bathtub. All of my children have done this as toddlers, but her reaction to it was one of shock and total fear, she screamed and cried when she saw what had happened, and at her next bathtime she reacted as soon as I put her in the tub--she stood up quickly and looked around the bath water in fear and panic.She would also cup her hands over her privates and dig in her fingernails in panic! She has punctured herself a couple of times drawing blood. This panic got worse to the point where I would just mention the word "bath" and she would scream "NO!" My husband soon came up with the idea to put thick underwear on her while she's in the tub, but she will only go in with her panties on if she can sit on someone's lap, so it's usually me, or once in a while her dad or 8-year-old sister. Then she's fine. Now we have a problem potty-training her because she doesn't want to take off her diaper. My daughter is also scheduled for hernia surgery in the next month, and I feel her tension and panic may have caused her hernia. My little girl is normal in every other way, she is a social butterfly, and she counted to ten before she turned two. She is a bright girl, but I just can't seem to reason with her on these bath and potty-training issues.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Apr 10, 2002 12:00AM
, Apr 10, 2002 12:00AM
On the short term, I wouldn't attempt to do much until she's all recovered from the surgery - she'll have her hands full with that. Once she's fully healed, try not to accomodate to her fear too much, because by doing so you establish patterns or rituals which themselves can be difficult to relinquish. We always guide parents with a reliable rule of thumb: Try not to let the fear dictate the family's behavior. If all she'll do for now is stand in the tub as you wash her, that would suffice. The potty training will proceed as her development allows it. As with all children, let this happen as she is ready. Continue to introduce her to the notion, and of course reward her for her accomplishments, but don't press her about it. At some point, but now is not the point, you may decide to retire the diapers and have her bite the bullet, but that is a sound idea only when parents are sure that the child is capable.
