3 year old shouting

[buzz-buzz]

My 3yr.old has a very intense personality. When he is good he is great when he's bad it is ugly.  He seems to go from 0-60 immediately and it often takes us by surprise.  I often feel that I plan the day walking on egg shells.  He is also very sensitive and has a hard time with ANY kind of transition. He acts grumpy and rude to people initially, even grandparents whom he sees often.  He then behaves well at school and the sitter. He lately responds to discipline (time-outs) by shouting/screaming.  He shouts to get my attention or if he gets upset about something.  I ignore it as best as I can and start time-out when he is quiet or let him know that I will give him my attention when he can talk nicely.  He often seems to have no respect for authority (but again does well at school and sitter). We have recently begun good behavior charts with some success.  He also lately complains that his tummy, legs, or eyes hurt.  We have gone to the doctor and had x-rays with no findings.  When asked to get something he sometimes says his legs don't work and he cries uncontrollably. There have been no changes or new stresses that we are aware of.  We just want to know if there can be a reason for his mood swings, body complaints, how to help with appropriate socialization, and if there is something else to do to help with the shouting. We are planning to meet with a psychologist soon.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your plan to see a psychologist is wise. In the meantime, continue to set sensible limits and employ the time out. The fact that your son is doing well in the out-of-home settings suggests that he is displaying normal spectrum child behavior problems in the context of the parent-child relationship. If this is the case, the most appropriate intervention is behavior management.

[sdewall]

HI, I just want to mention that I WISH my son knew what time-out means. He does not listen to me at all. I am in the process of losing my mind. He's 3 years old and when he was born he was a colic baby. Always crying but never violent or disrespectful. Lately I've been experiencing the exact same thing you are. He shouts and hits me in public. He is fine one second, the next minute he's either hitting someone, something or himself while screaming in rage. I don't know what is wrong with him. Alot people give me alot of suggestions, but I don't know what else to do with him anymore. He doesn't listen to time out, or punishment, he hits basically everyone but yet, he is an angel in school that his Nursery school teacher finds it hard to believe that he does what I tell her he does. It's as if he was 2 different people.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Take some satisfaction in the fact that your son does well in the pre-school. You've determined that the problem is located in the parent/child interaction. Part of the problem is that you have unwittingly 'surrendered' your authority. That is, you've accepted, even though you don't like it, that your son can refuse to cooperate with time out. He's somehow gotten the message that he, not you, is in charge. It's critical that he learn, by experience, that aggressive behavior is not permitted. He'll only learn this if he sees that you can, and will, follow through with consequences (particularly time out) when he is aggressive. Take a look at Lynn Clark's SOS: Help for Parents. If you think you can't implement the practices detailed in this book, consult with a pediatric mental health professional who can help you with this aspect of parenting.

[mybeautiful3]

My son was diagnosed with Sensory issues when he was three years old.  He has been doing very well learning how to control his emotions.  The last few months he has been acting out very strongly and showing signs of having a difficult time controlling his moods.  He just turned five and I have started the process for him to be seen by a psycologist or Psychiatrist.  I am very concerned because his early childhood teacher has noticed the dramatic shift in his temperment.  He changes moods in seconds without having any explanation for the change.