Aa
3 year old unusual?
Hello…
I am wondering, and overwhelmed with anxiety (to be honest) about my son, who is 3 years, 4 months, and am concerned about Asperger’s Disorder.. Sorry if this is long, but I hope these details help. (I live in Canada, where the socialist system means long waits for assessment, which is painful).
The main “red flag” for AS is the fact he can read (probably like a 5- year old, maybe a bit higher), and seems to still parallel play in nursery school. Our Pediatrician, without asking much details, suggested we read about AS when she saw him read a sign in her office, and asked us to find out about nursery school. (Her assessment, otherwise, was nil, so her opinion means nothing here). He had been there for about 5-6 months, and we were surprised he stood out as not really talking to the other kids. There were no other obvious behavior issues, but simply lack of socializing. He has a 1.5 year old brother, who is just coming to life language –wise, and he seems to engage him, but it’s hard to at how meaningful given their differences. He did do some baby talking for a while, but this is passing now. He loves socializing with us, and family or most adults, and seems enamored with some kids older than himself.
So, naturally, I have been obsessing about looking back, analyzing him, etc, and am lost as to when/if certain things are red flags. Here are some things I have concerns about:
Stims? At 2 (to late 2 years old), he was obsessed about playing with the steering wheel at the park, and would choose this first. He would really love it, make an occasional face while doing it, maybe a visual stim here and there ( a grimace with eyes closed, maybe partially open), but hard to say, and maybe play for 10 minutes or more, than move on, and maybe come back later. He loved steering wheels in general, noticing them on cars (including toys, especially when he was first getting into them), but never did any other repetitive spinning of objects, including at home. It seemed isolated from a repetitive spinning point of view.
With his new dinky cars, he loved to run them, one by one of the edge of the couch, and crash them onto the floor, maybe the wall. This eventually stopped, but was his favorite/main way of playing with them for some time. He has never lined things up, stacked obsessively, etc.
Currently, he likes to jump up and down 2-3 times, intermittently (for example, when playing, he will do some activity, maybe build a Lego thing, then stand up, jump a few times and go back to it; or maybe when bored, and in the kitchen with us, and kind of moving around doing things). He has never done this for a prolonged period, and it is not too often, but is daily, and more when he is excited or has some energy to burn.
Finally, he will occasionally, especially in afternoon, seem to want to run up and down the hall, from kitchen to front door, or in basement back and forth, maybe 5-10 times. He seems distractible when doing it, but likes to do it. I t seems he needs to just burn a little energy, but I am not totally sure. From my reading, I am having a hard time understanding when something is a “stim” or not. He has never flapped hands, twirled, used his hands in a funny way, verbally stimmed, etc. Just the above behaviors.
His development seemed normal to us, but being first time parents, there has been little reference until the little brother came along, and he himself is just accelerating, trying to do everything his big bro does. Always had good eye contact, smiled early, babbled early,, responded to us, loved (and still loves) hugs and cuddling. He spoke words by one, progressed well, and now speaks in sentences which seem normal for his age. Sometimes a little disjointed in his wording, but he corrects himself quickly. He could count early, to 20 in his mid-2s, but we did a lot of counting especially going up stairs (we have a lot of them). He knew his ABCs and numbers early, but, again, saw a lot of them. He picked up reading somewhere at about 2.5, but I don’t know if that is precocious, or was skewed by my persistent pointing out of every word, with sounding, I read to him, many books a day, from about 5 months and on. (I was determined to make him a good reader!) He did seem to memorizes the names of a lot (maybe 25) of his dinky cars right away (like Honda civic, Acura, BMW, etc), I think maybe by sound at first, but he was able to eventually read the names on the bottom. He loves cars, but never obsesses about them. He has tons of books, loves reading together, but will chose toys over them , likes if we read to him more than reading himself, and seems to follow the pictures/gist of the story well. But if you ask him, and push him, he can read those words and sentences. The only odd language thing we notice is he will sometimes repeat a question a few times in a row (2-3), even if answered, although not on any repetitive topics. He does ask questions a lot, and often will do that instead of referring to an observation directly (for example, ask “What does he have on his head?” instead of just saying what is on the persons head). So, is this repetitive questioning? There has been no echolalia, or strange manner of speaking that I can tell. He sings some songs, and at one point seemed to pick up nursery rhymes rather quickly, but we didn’t hear about them for long. He knew the planets, in order, quickly, mainly because we started reading a book about them, and he was pretty interested in them for a while, but only really knew their names, order and a brief detail I taught him about each (I.e. Venus is brightest, etc), but he hasn’t talked about them since we stopped talking about them . (I mention this only because I keep seeing that damn astronomy thing come up as an obsession in so many references!)
He walked at 11 months, runs well, climbs and jumps well, can throw a ball, catch ok (not great);still struggles with a tricycle, but we haven’t pushed him much on it since age 3. He occasionally likes to skip when running. He can do pretty big puzzles now. He does not like drawing too much, and resists much attempts at learning to draw/write (a poor circle now, at best). Potty training still a struggle, but are just pushing him over last few months, as he never seemed interested. No tantrums (the odd, typical one for certain situations, wants, etc., and nothing odd or in public), routine obsessions (although what kid doesn’t have routines every day?). He’s fine in crowds, groups, noisy places. Plays alone happily, and seems to have some imaginary play. Has sometimes struggled to stay still in group sing- alongs, but sometimes can. Briefly didn’t like the vacuum, or my drill (at 2-2.5), but no overly weird reaction, and tolerates now. He is scared of dogs (not sure why, although my dad had a big dog which overwhelmed him when he was just 2), but no other big fears.
So, sorry for the length, but I have been in a panic. It all seems to boil down to poor socializing, advanced reading, some repetitive behaviors, of which I have no idea how significant they are, and poor drawing (both ability and desire). ANY opinion you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
KSY
I am wondering, and overwhelmed with anxiety (to be honest) about my son, who is 3 years, 4 months, and am concerned about Asperger’s Disorder.. Sorry if this is long, but I hope these details help. (I live in Canada, where the socialist system means long waits for assessment, which is painful).
The main “red flag” for AS is the fact he can read (probably like a 5- year old, maybe a bit higher), and seems to still parallel play in nursery school. Our Pediatrician, without asking much details, suggested we read about AS when she saw him read a sign in her office, and asked us to find out about nursery school. (Her assessment, otherwise, was nil, so her opinion means nothing here). He had been there for about 5-6 months, and we were surprised he stood out as not really talking to the other kids. There were no other obvious behavior issues, but simply lack of socializing. He has a 1.5 year old brother, who is just coming to life language –wise, and he seems to engage him, but it’s hard to at how meaningful given their differences. He did do some baby talking for a while, but this is passing now. He loves socializing with us, and family or most adults, and seems enamored with some kids older than himself.
So, naturally, I have been obsessing about looking back, analyzing him, etc, and am lost as to when/if certain things are red flags. Here are some things I have concerns about:
Stims? At 2 (to late 2 years old), he was obsessed about playing with the steering wheel at the park, and would choose this first. He would really love it, make an occasional face while doing it, maybe a visual stim here and there ( a grimace with eyes closed, maybe partially open), but hard to say, and maybe play for 10 minutes or more, than move on, and maybe come back later. He loved steering wheels in general, noticing them on cars (including toys, especially when he was first getting into them), but never did any other repetitive spinning of objects, including at home. It seemed isolated from a repetitive spinning point of view.
With his new dinky cars, he loved to run them, one by one of the edge of the couch, and crash them onto the floor, maybe the wall. This eventually stopped, but was his favorite/main way of playing with them for some time. He has never lined things up, stacked obsessively, etc.
Currently, he likes to jump up and down 2-3 times, intermittently (for example, when playing, he will do some activity, maybe build a Lego thing, then stand up, jump a few times and go back to it; or maybe when bored, and in the kitchen with us, and kind of moving around doing things). He has never done this for a prolonged period, and it is not too often, but is daily, and more when he is excited or has some energy to burn.
Finally, he will occasionally, especially in afternoon, seem to want to run up and down the hall, from kitchen to front door, or in basement back and forth, maybe 5-10 times. He seems distractible when doing it, but likes to do it. I t seems he needs to just burn a little energy, but I am not totally sure. From my reading, I am having a hard time understanding when something is a “stim” or not. He has never flapped hands, twirled, used his hands in a funny way, verbally stimmed, etc. Just the above behaviors.
His development seemed normal to us, but being first time parents, there has been little reference until the little brother came along, and he himself is just accelerating, trying to do everything his big bro does. Always had good eye contact, smiled early, babbled early,, responded to us, loved (and still loves) hugs and cuddling. He spoke words by one, progressed well, and now speaks in sentences which seem normal for his age. Sometimes a little disjointed in his wording, but he corrects himself quickly. He could count early, to 20 in his mid-2s, but we did a lot of counting especially going up stairs (we have a lot of them). He knew his ABCs and numbers early, but, again, saw a lot of them. He picked up reading somewhere at about 2.5, but I don’t know if that is precocious, or was skewed by my persistent pointing out of every word, with sounding, I read to him, many books a day, from about 5 months and on. (I was determined to make him a good reader!) He did seem to memorizes the names of a lot (maybe 25) of his dinky cars right away (like Honda civic, Acura, BMW, etc), I think maybe by sound at first, but he was able to eventually read the names on the bottom. He loves cars, but never obsesses about them. He has tons of books, loves reading together, but will chose toys over them , likes if we read to him more than reading himself, and seems to follow the pictures/gist of the story well. But if you ask him, and push him, he can read those words and sentences. The only odd language thing we notice is he will sometimes repeat a question a few times in a row (2-3), even if answered, although not on any repetitive topics. He does ask questions a lot, and often will do that instead of referring to an observation directly (for example, ask “What does he have on his head?” instead of just saying what is on the persons head). So, is this repetitive questioning? There has been no echolalia, or strange manner of speaking that I can tell. He sings some songs, and at one point seemed to pick up nursery rhymes rather quickly, but we didn’t hear about them for long. He knew the planets, in order, quickly, mainly because we started reading a book about them, and he was pretty interested in them for a while, but only really knew their names, order and a brief detail I taught him about each (I.e. Venus is brightest, etc), but he hasn’t talked about them since we stopped talking about them . (I mention this only because I keep seeing that damn astronomy thing come up as an obsession in so many references!)
He walked at 11 months, runs well, climbs and jumps well, can throw a ball, catch ok (not great);still struggles with a tricycle, but we haven’t pushed him much on it since age 3. He occasionally likes to skip when running. He can do pretty big puzzles now. He does not like drawing too much, and resists much attempts at learning to draw/write (a poor circle now, at best). Potty training still a struggle, but are just pushing him over last few months, as he never seemed interested. No tantrums (the odd, typical one for certain situations, wants, etc., and nothing odd or in public), routine obsessions (although what kid doesn’t have routines every day?). He’s fine in crowds, groups, noisy places. Plays alone happily, and seems to have some imaginary play. Has sometimes struggled to stay still in group sing- alongs, but sometimes can. Briefly didn’t like the vacuum, or my drill (at 2-2.5), but no overly weird reaction, and tolerates now. He is scared of dogs (not sure why, although my dad had a big dog which overwhelmed him when he was just 2), but no other big fears.
So, sorry for the length, but I have been in a panic. It all seems to boil down to poor socializing, advanced reading, some repetitive behaviors, of which I have no idea how significant they are, and poor drawing (both ability and desire). ANY opinion you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Cheers
KSY
thanks for your supportive words- its all been confusing, no tknowing what a child normally does!
I agree with mammo. Your son sounds very smart and bursting with that lovely 3 year old boy energy (don't you wish you had it?). Social skills come more naturally for some kids than others and at different rates. Lots of kids still paralell play at that age. They are just coming out of it around then. Did the school mention to you that he wasn't interacting? I will tell you that I have a child with sensory integration disorder and now am well aware of the many kids that have one challenge or another . . . and usually it shows itself in a big way between 3 and 4. The school would notice different things and they would be telling you. Aspergers kids usually have trouble with eye contact, imaginative play, and they talk in the "little professor" way about preferred topics. They do not talk about lots of things but just their favorite subjects. And they don't have conversations, for the most part. Your son does not sound like this to me.
I would help him be more social by just doing lots and lots with him. Go to parks and engage with other kids. They will love you playing along with them and you can guide him through. Start talking about being a good friend and what that means. Take a ball and he can roll it back and forth with another child, etc. Set up some playdates that are short and sweet (an hour is good for that age). I know you have one a little younger------ my boys are 15 months apart---- so trying to be more social with my older one was a little more complicated with the little one tagging along--------- but once it is a habit, it will be normal. Just go wherever there are kids-------- children's musuems, zoo, open gym, swim lessons, etc. Anywhere where he can practice his socializing. But I think your boy is going to be just fine. good luck
I would help him be more social by just doing lots and lots with him. Go to parks and engage with other kids. They will love you playing along with them and you can guide him through. Start talking about being a good friend and what that means. Take a ball and he can roll it back and forth with another child, etc. Set up some playdates that are short and sweet (an hour is good for that age). I know you have one a little younger------ my boys are 15 months apart---- so trying to be more social with my older one was a little more complicated with the little one tagging along--------- but once it is a habit, it will be normal. Just go wherever there are kids-------- children's musuems, zoo, open gym, swim lessons, etc. Anywhere where he can practice his socializing. But I think your boy is going to be just fine. good luck
He sounds like a very, very bright child! He appears normal in every way. As I read your post, I compared him to my 3 year old grandson, who except for the reading seems to be right there with your son, except my grandson is very social. But a lot of kids this age can be shy, I wouldn't worry about this or anything else. Kids this age like older kids because they can copy them, and sometimes relate more to them. Kids this age will ask the same question more than once, feel the need to run back and forth for whatever reason, and they love to jump up and down. Drawing isn't great at this age for most kids. Your doctor is just assuming something, other than just a bright child. If I were you, I wouldn't worry. There's just too much normalcy here, and he is typical in so many ways. My grandson's doctor was shocked that before the age of 3 he used manners in every way, says yes instead of yeah, thank you, you're welcome, God bless you, excuse me, etc. I think they excel at what you spend time doing with them like reading. At the very most, get a second opinion, but I think he's fine.
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