3 year old woes

My son was born 3 months prematurely (and was low birth weight with resp issues) after a very complicated pregnancy. I am not sure if that is a contributing factor to any of this but thought it may be pertinant. At any rate my son has major speech delays which he has been seeing a speech therapist about. However, she is having problems making any headway because of his behavioral issues. At times he is a perfect angel (mainly when we are at home) he loves being around people and seems to be a very bright little boy, it's just that he hasn't started talking yet and he acts out any time he is corrected. When he begins to act up, I have been implementing time outs to correct his disruptive and sometimes violent behaviours. However this seems to be counterproductive because I generally have to hold him down and he screams the whole time and continues the same behavours after he is let back up. He has trouble staying asleep and on a normal schedule which further tires me out and frustrates me. He throws things, attempts to hit me, is destructive to his toys, and bangs his head on objects when he is frustrated and/or does not get his way. He tends to pour out liquids from his sippy cup for no apparent reason and I have yet to find a method of potty training him that works. He understands what pee pee means he knows what the potty is but simply refuses to do what  needs to be done! I know that alot of this may have to do with his frustration over not being able to communicate. My question is, what could be causing this and what am I doing wrong? The speech therapist and his grandmother keep placing the blame on me, but I have done everything in my power that I can think of to correct all of these behaviours and nothing seems to be working!! Their only advice to me is to get him on a normal schedule (as if I haven't tried) and try harder(they didn't elaborate on this so I'm at a loss). How am I supposed to accomplish anything if he will not sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time??!! Please help!! Thank you so much for your time,

frustrated and feeling like a horrible mom

[Raynbow]

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time....I've been there and still am at times. I have a 4yr old boy.
He was born at 26wks. and had multiple complications.... You might want to look at the checklist on
www.sensory-processing-disorder.com and see if any of it pertains to your child. Also, sometimes the sleeping thing can be a metabolism issue and not a sensory one. Hope it helps.
Take care,
(((Raynbow

[nathansmom]

thank you so much for your response!! sometimes it helps just to know youre not alone! :0)   i will definately check that out. and hmm metabolism...will have to look into that too that thought never occured to me!! i hope that everything is going well with your little one! helped quite a bit thanks a bunch!!

[pjcontreras]

Hi, first off I am glad you are here. Now secondly when you said that other's are placing blame on you...especially the speech therapist, that is NOT her place to judge you in any way. If she has some wonderful suggestions she'd like to suggest, then she can respectfully tell you, but she should NOT blame you, and she could actually get in to trouble by acting that way.
Don't let her do that again...be kind, but this is your son; so if she (or even your mom)suggest it's you, tell them something like" look, I am not perfect, but I am here seeking help.  I can appreicate your feelings or perspective, but you are only with him for a very short period of time. So unless you have something else for me to try, please also have a little faith in me as his mom, that I am trying to impliment the things you suggest, but this is also a stimulating enviornment for him to be in this place and not at home. So I need support right now, not critacisim.
Your mom needs to be doing constructive things not hurtful. Tell her you need her on your side, and to feel like you would like to be able to come to her with a problem, not feel like the moment you tell her what's going on she's going to make you feel like a crappy parent.
Tell her you are having a hayday with self doubt half the time right now, and she doesn't need to add to that.
My son is in therapy for feeding problems... It's terribly stressful, and sad. Medical error on their misinformation for 7 months.We switched hospitals and they fixed the problem that first day....which was beyond stressful that I was "right" all along but by this time severe trauma and damage was done to my son, and he hasn't eaten solid foods now because of it for over one and a half years. He has a feeding tube, and cystic fibrosis. My point there, is to really trust your instincts. Don't stop questing if the answers you are getting aren't adding up.
He doesn't have any devleopmental delays, but he is plugged in with "the Blake Foundation" which I think is in more places than AZ.they might be able to help you guys. Even just with a referal to somewhere else in your area.You could try and check it out.
I think you might be able to find it through the Easter Seals, or at minimum please PLEASE call your pediatritian, or better yet, whole you are at the place he's receiveing the speech therapy, see if there's a supervisor that could help you.
Just find someone, a social worker at the hospital, or someone who might be able to direct you through some sort of parent resource in your area.
I really think you should have him tested by someone who understand nurological disorders, and also behavior disorders.It may be something very simple, or even just "fits" like all of our kids can have form time to time. But even if that's so, you would need a little extra assistance/suggestions that will work better than waht's going on right now, some sort of help with him. I don't want to stress you, but this doesn't sound like it's his "fault." I think he's frusterated because he can't communitcate his feelings with anyone, espeically with you,(and his father if he's there) since you are the center of his life..and who he's dependent on...that's probably why he takes it out with you alot.

If you have insurance, you should be able to call your insurance company, and ask for a "case manager" who is usually a nurse, or has some sort of nursing/medical background. Tell her/them your concerns, and just ask for some suggestions of any tests they can run.
You are in a difficult situation. I know you don't want to feel there's anything wrong with your child. None of us want that. But you also have to trust your gut, and that the Lord has given you this child for you to take care of. If He thought someone else could do a better job, He wouldn't have given you, your incredible son as your gift.
You will find answers, just as you are asking in here. If there is something that he's dealig with that you don't know about, and if there's something that he needs to make a sitatuation better for ALL of you, then I know you would do all you could to get your son any help he might possibly need.
There are KIND people willing to help, and I am sure that if you keep asking, and don't just "settle" for some halfass answer just because it comes out of the mouth of a "professional."
Even if there's some things that you might be doing that are contributing to his fits,( it would only be out of despiration on your part for him to settle down etc. not hurt others or himself)
then there's a way for that therapist or anoyone else to help you by giving you something to try in place of that.
I used to be a nanny for alittle over 2 yrs for a boy who was borderline autistic. He ended up being able to communicate much better by the time he was 5 than the two years prior. When I first was taking care of him, he used to throw things, cry a lot and turn around a lot. I was always afraid he'd fall down from getting dizzy...he could only say one word until he was almost 4.
He'd get so anrgy because he couldn't communicate. Once he was able to put some words in there it changed his whole world, be was so much happier.Relaxed more.
If it's possible to share with someone, even another parent or two in your area, just like you are here...see if there's a parenting group or soemthing you could just speak with someone on the phone. See if they know of anyone who could possibly come to your home. The Blake Foundation, or something similar if you don't have it, might be able to help you getting an evaluation done if that's soething you'd want, or even just getting a therapist to come to your home.
Whatever you do, don't let anyone treat you, or your child as though things are hopless, your screwing things up, messing him up. None of that.
You are trying your best, and if you learn something more, then try that. But just do what you can.
One thing I would try to work on is trying to not hold him down.
Is there a "safe" place you could have him be in your house where he can't throw things? Could you make a little mat or carpet thing you could have him sit on as a time out spot?(so he can't fall off, lean, throw it or push it away) If it really is more of a behavioral thing, and not something else, (which I hope) even if it's very tiring, you might have to place him on "the matt" a dozen times before he stays there even a minute. But just take things as he can tolorate them.
You might write to the SuperNanny/Dr. Phil web site, explain your situation and see if they might have any parent support contacts on there, or a message board where you could do basically this here.
I think it's going to be ok. You are definately not alone...and I am thankful you are here.
God bless you, and your sweet boy.