Child Behavior Community
3 yr old Behavior Normal or Not
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to child behavior, discipline (behavior management), parent-child communications, and social development.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

3 yr old Behavior Normal or Not

My 3 year old son can be so sweet and loving one minute and then if he is told to do something he does not want to do and told not to do he turns into an outrage.  (crying, yelling, hitting, throwing something, making noises) it is not the exact thing everytime but usually falls into one of those categories.  On top of that he is extremely stubborn, time out does not work at all, I can pop him on the hand or butt and would not phase him at all - we have to spank him with a belt to get his attention or he will keep doing what he was doing.  When we get on to him he immediately starts.  It has gotten so embarassing to even go in public, he is fine as long as he gets his way.  His screaming, whining, and crying has got to stop.  He constantly whines weather it is asking to do something or go somewhere.  I do believe that yelling a a child is no no, but he gets to us so bad that we both find our selves yelling.  My 4 1/2 year old daughter even beggs not to take Dylan anywhere because everyone stares at him for crying and not getting his way.  Is this normal behavior?  If it is, I don't ever see anyone elses kids like this.  
Related Discussions
32 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
My PEDIATRCIAN told me that it was ok. to spank him with a belt.  No, we do not spank with a belt unless it keeps persisting, he thinks it is a game and laughs and does it again.  I cannot have him hurt my 4 year old for no reason when she does nothing to him.  No, he did not arrive this way overnight and it is our fault for letting it go on this long & it getting worse and worse.   That is why I am asking for suggestions for when he gets older - because we can't control him now.  My daughter is perfect and only 20 months difference.  THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT, I ASKED FOR AN OPIONIN OTHER THAN MY DR. & I GUESS I GOT IT!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Try contacting the super nanny just type it under google. I belive you would be getting the help you need from her. Have you ever watched the super nanny on TV. I really thin she could help. Also councling for your family to deal with this might be a good idea. Is there anyreson why he might be doing it to get attention? Also one idea is to find even the tinyist thing to recognize him for so that he will wont to do the positives not the nagitive. Reword charts work really well I really think though that the book love and logic would be very helpfull for you it has been for me. I have a 3yr old also and she dose the same also and love and logic has helped more then anything else. It takes the fruteration out of diciplining. And it provideds structure. And predictability. I have found that when my daughter acts like that in the store I remove her from there and let her through her fit eather in the car in her set bukled in while the rest of us have the freedom of being out side. Or I take her and put her in a empty cart and ask to leave the cart that has stuff in it at the frount. I take her out of what ever enviornment she is throughing the fit in. I will say things like I am sorry your angry . Until you stop screaming you are not going back inside. Eventually they have to stop.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I think that a child psychologist would be a good idea. Many specialize in this type of problem, and an help you find ann effective way to get him to obey. He may have a disability such as asperger syndrome, or may just be very willful. I think a belt is a poor choice, especially with such a young child. I don't want to judge. Just be careful or CPS will be at your door, and they always assume the worst.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I feel for you. One of the best parenting tips that I ever read while pregnant worked like a charm with my son. The article described a tantrum from a childs perspective and that a child has no way of knowing how to rein in their emotions they just keep trying all of them until they get their way. It said to get on your knees and to hold the child tightly to allow them to feel secure. Then whisper until....they will eventually get quiet because of course we are important to them and they are by nature curious to know what you have to say. This happend at the zoo when my son was 3 and I told him it was time to go and he started crying and screaming. I remembered that tip and got on my knees, held him tightly and started whispering into his ear about how pretty the sky was and that it matched his blue eyes and that he was missing the sound of the pretty birds...all of a sudden he started slowing down and getting quieter and then silent and I told him I loved him but that we would have to leave now and if he acted that way they wouldn't let us come back here and see all of the animals. I asked him if he wanted to come back and he nodded yes and I kissed him and said okay let's get your shoes on and we'll go and come back another day. My girlfriend was amazed and horrified as she had no idea what I had told/threatened my child with...she also said every other parent around wanted that secret. The article explained that the child truly needs to feel that his/her feelings are acknowledged but that that the tantrum isn't the way to communicate them. It was his 1st and last really LOUD tantrum the others stopped as soon as I got to my knees...now it's a whole different set of problems and I truly wish someone would send these kids to us with an instruction manual!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i read and re read your question and one thing that stands out is HE'S FINE AS LONG AS HE GETS HIS WAY  i think you answered your own question. it will be really hard for a few weeks but if you stop giving him his way he'll straighten up.  try not to yell at him because thats when he knows he's got you.  stay calm and just be boss. Please do not EVER take a belt to him, if your pediatrician said it was ok to do so then it may be time to change doctors.
Blank
290093_tn?1191338170
What ever happened to the good ol' days when discipline was established. Nowadays, parents allow children to get away with too much and it ends up costing them in the long run. They wonder why their children have no respect for them or ends up in trouble. I think its fine to spank your children if they're getting out of line. The bible said "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Do you think he was saying let them do what they want and they'll grow up a fine adults? No, there are different ways of discipline and time out and taking away toys just doesn't work for some children. A belt will probably have CPS at the door, but a good old fashioned pants down hand spanking will set some house rules!!!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Just for starters I totalld disagree with people who say NEVER use a belt on a 3 year old!! I grew up that way and only had it done to me 3 times! Once when I was 3 for something that my brother actually did and blamed on me. And the other 2 times happened when I was in the 2nd grade. I am a senior in college majoring in Early Childhood Education and if I learned anything from my methods class I KNOW that one exceptional discipline strategy may become a complete dud when it is tried on the next child!! I am glad that I don't live in California because I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who has been spanked with a paddle (which is a wooden paint mixer with "he who spares the rod spoils the child" painted across it). My daughter is EXTREMELY advanced for her age and knows how to manipulate well. She started a preschool program in August and has come home with only one good day so far. She does not listen to the teachers or the director of the school, tells them "no" quite often, and is agressive. I do not tolerate her behavior and neither does her father. She knows how to be a complete angel when she is with us. She is also in dancing and has a VERY STRICT dancing teacher that she listens to perfectly. However, laws and policies that schools must follow these days hinder many teachers from getting the respect that they deserve from their students. We try time out with her and she entertains herself with her fingers or talks to the wall-it doesn't phase her. We took every toy out of her room and she had to earn them back using a behavior modification system where she earned tokens when she was caught being good-this encourages the desired behavior, right?  NOT FOR HER! She hands the tokens back when she knows she had a bad day and it doesn't bother her at all! She even tells her teachers that she will tear up their notes to me before I read them! Now, this is when we started using the padle. She is put across the lap, panties down, and trust me....it's working wonders!!  Sorry for offending some of you who may not know what it's like to have a truely difficult child, but sometimes we just have to do what works. And for the record I have switched my daughter's pediatrician 3 months ago. Both her new one and her old one agreed that I have tried many things and I have just found what works for her. I don't do it when I am angry and she knows what the consequences are now. What is important is that the child be afraid of or upset by the consequences. If the consequence is something that he/she is not bothered with...IT WILL NOT WORK!
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
Okay,  it's time for some biblical education,  because the name of my God is being taken in vain here.   Which,  by the way,  is commandment that is misunderstood - taking hte name of the Lord thy God in vain doesn't mean cursing,  it means misquoting God in order to prove something that in fact,  Christianity doesn't teach.  So.

Spare the rod spoil the child was written literally,  "Spare the shepherd's rod,  loose the lamb."    Another time in the Bible the hook word was used,  was "thy rod and thy staff,  they comfort me."    This rod they are referring to, in both cases,  is the shepherd's hook,  which is used to prod and guide the sheep.  Not beat them.  Shepherds knew this reference and understood the meaning - if you loose track of your children,  or fail to guide and supervise them,  you will lose them.  

For some reason,  we've decided it means beat them.  It doesn't.

Carry on with the discussion.  Just wanted clarity before the Bible gets misquoted again.
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
Eeks, I hope everyone can get through those typos.  My post is kind of unreadable.  : (

To the Mommy who needs help - you sound really embarrassed.  Everyone is embarrassed.  That's the problem.  When a child senses he has the power to embarrass you,  you've lost the battle.  It's your job,  as the mother,  to be an embarrassment to your children,  not vice versa.  Just kidding.

The next couple weeks you need to take him places where you know for sure no one you know will be there,  and you'll be free to embarrass yourself.    Tell him going in,  that you expect sweet behavior, and because it's a boring outing for him if he's patient he'll get some treat. (Bubble gum,  a toy airplane,  whatever).  Maybe he'll be fine.  If he's not,  grab him up and shout NO SIR!!  in his face,  and take him right then to the car and drive him home to spend 1/2 hour in his room.  Right then,  don't wait even one more minute.  Do that several more times,  react immediately and loudly and swiftly,  and he'll get it under control.  The more you cringe in public and hope he doesn't embarrass you,  the more he probably will.

Been there,  done that.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Thanks for all the advice!  I went home yesterday and was determined to use some of the info.  I kept my cool and used soft tone when getting on to him.  I hope that consistency and maybe a different technique in what we are doing will help - I guess I will keep trying suggestions until one works.  Will tell the two incidents that happened yesterday.  I was helping my daughter do her homework for preschool and to include him of course I set-up a coloring page and a trace the letter page and gave him some crayons.  It was going so good as always and he decided he wanted to write on her paper.  I told him that it was sissy's & that he couldn't write on her homework and she couldn't write on his.  He did not like that so he threw all the crayons on the floor I pick them up & told him that I know you are upset but please do not throw the crayons on the floor; lets be a BIG boy & finish your homework. He started saying AAAH & threw them back down.  I tried to make him look me in my face and never did get him to but did manage to make him pick the crayons up - which then got him mad about that & pinched Kaleigh & laughed.  I popped his hand & said no no - you don't like when people hit or pinch you so lets please be nice.  He then popped me and said no no.  Just goes from one thing to another.  But I did get to him to mind me in the room when he dumped all the the toy bins and wanted to stack & sit in them - I told him that he should not stand in them because he could fall & get hurt very really bad & I couldn't have my helper get hurt, he persist on it a few more times & then asked him to be my helper & watch them so that they don't break so that we can put the toys back in & if they broke they would not have a place to go & we would have no choice but to throw them away because the both toy boxes are full  - he then said me your helper & me watch them.  I finally felt like I won a battle do think that saying something positive or something that took his mind off the situation worked some.  The person who asked if he had any reason to be like this, no.  We live in an great family environment & are very family oriented - meme lives on one side, great aunt on the other, uncle in the back feild, we go to church, they go to Christian daycare / preschool only other thing I can think of is that my husband has took a new work schedule working nights so that my 4 year old daughter can attend preschool but he is off on Wed., Sat., & Sun. and gets to see him before bedtime some days during the week, but he has been like this since he was two & recently has gotten worse.  Don't get me wrong he can be sweet, just very stubborn & likes to try it just cause you say NO - I cannot get him to stay in time out even if I keep on going back.  If I take toys away it doesn't bother him - he could play with a remote control & pretend it was a choo choo & have just as much fun with a real one.  He doesn't talk very well & is slower than my daughter (she can already read short words & was wlking great at 7 1/2 mo.).  I have asked the Dr. about his speech & he is not concerned yet because he said he can pronounce 2 - 3 syllabol words.  He says sissy "diddy", school - "dool", tired - "towel".  and has recently started slobber like a baby who is cutting teeth (I plan on taking him back next week)  He does understand what is being said.  I have looked at different disabilites online but none seem to fit exactly.  Just to mention he is good at daycare & with other people (sometimes he tries them but pulls the usual kid fit with them) he once through a fit leaving daycare because he wanted to open the door & their policy is only adults open the door.  He threw his self on the floor and screamed & kicked like I was a stranger tring to take him.  They all said that they have never ever seen him act like that - one of the teachers came & told him she was not going to have him act like that to mommy & needed to starighten up.  Sorry to keep rambling but just wanted to throw a few examples in.  I guess time and persistance will help get things back to where they should be, I just can't believe that we let this get so out of hand.  Thanks for all the suggestions.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I do think it is fine to use a belt / switch / or paddle.  My dr. said it was fine, my mother did it to my brothers (all she had to do to me is raise her voice & I would cry), so on & so on, I have friends that use it on their two year olds which indeed have the same dr. I do for my kids.  I do not believe in doing it all the time only when very neccesary & is the very last thing to do.  No I do not believe in biting a kid back when biting me or hitting a kid back when hitting me or someone else when I am teaching them not to do it.  I will try the pulling pants down and poping him with my hand to see if that works because I don't like spanking him either but sometimes it is that only thing that gets his attention.  Thanks for the advice!
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
Mommy who needs help - since you've been hitting him with a belt,  has his behavior gotten much better?     If so,  it's probably working,  and I don't see why you would need to post on a board for help.

Does this method actually seem to work - i.e.,  in general he's learning to control himself?  Or does it just work for the 45 minutes after you hit him?

Blank
203342_tn?1328740807
I can't believe your pediatrician would have told you it was ok to use a belt on a three year old! I have a three year old and I look at how little he is and can't even imagine! The only time I've ever even spanked (if you want to call it that) is when he has broken away from me in a parking lot or run towards the street, which scares me to death! I will run after him, give him like two swats on the bottom and get down on his level and tell him firmly that's it's not ok to run away from me and that he could have been hurt badly by a car. Then I will walk him back. I always make sure I remain calm, though. It's important that we as the adults and parents remain calm. If we want to train our kids to learn self-control, then we have to show them self-control.
My mom used to come flying at me screaming and slapping and I'd block her slaps, but didn't dream of trying to hit her back. However, I lost respect for her because she would just lose it. I swore I'd never be like her. The only time I was ever tempted to slap one of my kids was when I had a mouthy teenager talking back to me. I looked at him and walked away. I pride myself on keeping control. My kids have a better relationship with me than I did with my mom, too.I talk to them a lot. My mom never did. Make sure you have a good relationship with your kids and talk to them. Thats the best thing you can do.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I have the same problem that you do but the baby is 4. He throws his fits and does not stop for hours..he will throw things and hit himself and bit himself and do all of these crazy things that I have never seen before and it dont matter how many times we spank him with the belt he never stops! Now I dont hit him cause I am not the real mommy she is in jail and has been for 2 months! Maybe thats why cause he has not seen or talked to her in 2 months! But we cant even talk to him he does not look at us he covers his eyes and never cries he just screams! We never get any sleep he wakes us up every night just yelling! I have no idea what to do anymore..we have talked to him very calm and we keep telling him that Santa is watching him and when he is ugly santa takes one toy back. So do you have any comments? We need some help like something I have never seen before!
Blank
203342_tn?1328740807
Your son (or boyfriends son) is traumatized. You need to stop hitting him with a belt or anything else! He is already traumatized! He is out of control because his world is out of control. I wrote to you on your other post, but please get this poor child into counseling. And stop threatening him with Santa. Let the poor child have something he can rely on. He probably already feels like things have been taken from him (ie. his mother). Don't threaten him that Santa will take away something too.
Next time he wakes up screaming, wrap him up in a blanket, take him out to a rocker in a dimly lit room and rock him. He needs love and affection right now. He needs peace and calm. He needs to know that the people he loves the most aren't going to just up and leave him. He needs stability and lots and lots of love! Please be patient with him and give him time and love. That's the best thing you can do for him.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I have told my boyfriend not to hit him with a belt but he does not listen to me! When I start to tell him my opinion he gets pissed he thinks that I am putting him down and that is not it at all! No I have tried to go in there an lay with him but he will not stop not matter what I do or the daddy! The only thing that has worked kinda is the Santa thing...I have told the daddy that we may need to go to counseling, he just tells me I will look in to it. The baby lived with his mother for one 2 weeks out of the month nad the daddy had him the rest..and now she has gone nuts she has been in and out of jail for 2 months and in a mentail hospital! We are getting custody now! He never talks about him momma. I dont know what to do I am not a mother and this is all new to me! I just need some help!
Blank
203342_tn?1328740807
Maybe you should show him these posts. Maybe if he sees how others think he will see how serious it is.
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
If you can get him to calm down with the Santa threats,  it sounds like he's a child who can be reasoned with,  at least partially.  

If hitting him with a belt isn't working at all, why does your boyfriend keep doing it?  I swear,  I never get that - some parents just get some nutty idea in their head and they won't shake it loose,  and they keep doing and doing and doing the same thing that doesn't work.  Actually,  in some ways it "works" for your boyfriend because when you get that frustrated with a child,  it must feel a little good to whale on them.  But that doesn't help anything,  and it's harmful for the child.

One of my favorite sayings on discipline is,  "do you want revenge,  or do you want to change behavior?"  So often,  changing the behavior doesn't involve punishing at all,  it's a different way of doing things.

For example.  Buy a timer of some kind,  maybe something that comes in a game,  some cute thing.  An egg timer from the grocery store,  whatever.  In a calm time,  tell him you understand he gets really frustrated and angry (and you often get really frustrated and angry too,  so you understand) but it's important he learn to calm himself down because he can't be allowed to scream like this.  Tell him when he has a tantrum,  he has 3 minutes by the timer to finish it,  and during that three minutes he can scream all he wants.   Tell him I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.   Maybe a small hourglass thing might be best - so he can actually watch the time easily.  At the end of the three minutes,  that's it,  he needs to have calmed down.  If not . . some kind of sanction.  No bubble gum.  No TV,  something.    If he DOES manage to reign it in,  even kind of hit the goal,  give him LOTS of praise!  You did it!  I KNEW YOU COULD.

Sounds also like you need a good book.    I recommend Brazelton,  but others may have a different book idea.

http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Brazelton-Way-T-Berry/dp/0738207837
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I understand where everyone is coming from but I am a strong believer in spankings...my mother never done that with me and I turned out not so good. My dad got killed in 03 and that hurt so bad and still does and I have yet to cope with it! When that happened I turned to METH..and POT..and COKE and I got kicked out of school my 11th grade year in high school and I was a great student. I had straight A's and I was a basketball player and a track runner. I never done anything wrong I was a great kid! Now I kinda know how the baby is feeling but then again I dont. I had my mother and she was always there. The baby and his mother lived with my boyfriends dad and the mother worked at hooters and she would get home very late and she was never there with him. When she got home from work she would wake the baby up and take him downstairs and give him milk shake. He grown acustom to that. Now the baby has lived with me and myboyfriend now for 2 months and he has opened up soooo much..(he never would talk to anyone) now he will talk to every one! He will go right up and say his whole name and just talk! He never ate when he lived with his mother he has gained so much weight because I make him sit there and eat every bite of his food. He never use to eat. So I think that he is much better with us than with his mother. My boyfriend is NOT consistant with what he say to the baby. Example: We went to the store an the baby wanted to get on daddys sholders and he told him NO like 3 times and then gives in. Tell me if I am wrong here...IF YOU SAY NO THEN THATS WHAT YOU SHOULD MEAN NOT GIVE IN EVERY TIME. Now an I wrong???? I think the reson he hits himself is becuae his mother use to do that **** too. The mother and the baby lived with my boyfriends dad and his wife and his 2 kids the are the ages 5 yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl. The little girl saw the babys mother hit herself and say i am going to die. Now the little girl went to the baby and told him that she saw his mommy hit herself. I think thats where he gets that from. The baby love us and he knows that we love him that not a problem. He just dont listen!!!! Example: Last night I woke up an heard the baby yelling for his daddy, I get up and go in his room and see what he needs, he tells me that he wants to watch a movie (now I dont believe in the TV when he is going to bed) So I ask him what moive and he tells me which one and I looked for that movie but it was not there so I told him that it is not there and he had to pick a different one. Well he started to pick one but never got that far before he started throwing a fit...He screamed and yelled and kicked and called names. I told him if you are going to be ugly then you get no movie and the TV goes off..so he kept on yelling and etc. so I turned the TV off an left the room well when I left the room he started name calling.." you stupid idiot" so I went in there and popped his mouth and say you do not call me names then I left again and then he done the same thing (name calling) so I dont the same thing..Then he started kicking me and slapping me so i took his hand and popped his hand and told him you DO NOT HIT ME!!! He kept on so when he hit me I popped him. He finally stoped hitting an name calling but still yelling so I made him stand up on the floor..well that didnt work so I woke daddy up..I told daddy he get up I need some help and he told me no (I dont think he was awake yet) So he gets up and goes in the room and tells the baby that its enough he needs to calm down but he dont listen he daddy gets the belt and just hits it on the bed and told the baby I we need you to dry it up and stop yelling and he did. Now after all of that I told the daddy that I did NOT want the TV back on and he told me to put one on anyway so I did. Now do you see how if I tell him one thing that the daddy does something different? How do i over come this? I have never been in this place before I am only 19. I need some kind of help.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Well I thought about what you said all evening and come to this, for you to call me sick I think is wrong.  Just to put to maybe make things clear when I say spank it is one very light pop on the bottom with the belt.  Since nobody has agreed and you started your formum about the belt my husband & I decided not to use it no more.  I would never ever want anyone to think I beat my kids or child services to ever take my children away I just thought that it was ok being the fact my dr. said that a pop on the but with a belt would get his attention if it came down to it.  And if wondering, my daughter does not get disaplined this way - she has been lightly poped maybe five times with a hand on her bottom in her life, because time out works for her.   I told my husband that I posted a forum for help and what was suggested and what was said, he agreed that the method we are using know is not working , so the belt is gone and going to try the no spanking at all method to see how that works.  I guess I want to thank you for your posts even though they were throat cutting.  I will give update in a few weeks to tell how he is doing. We do hug, kiss, play, sing, read, and have fun with my kids but they do get extra extra attention after they get in trouble and maybe the one on one attention afterward is triggering him to act like this.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I am the 19 yearolds' mother who has been talking with you.  I do not believe that you are entirely wrong for using "the belt".  It does not sound like you beat either of your children.  I raised 3 girls (the dad that Ashley speaks of was my b/f for 10 years and the only "daddy" she had in her life).  There were no instruction booklets or input from family and friends to speak of, so I was basically left to "figure it out".  Spanking may have worked with one, the other needed hugs, yet the other needed time out!  Go figure! No two children, either in the same family or not, are the same or will respond to the same discipline or otherwise!  That is a fact of life.  Having now completed the process of raising my three, I can look back and see (very clearly, I might add) just what did and DID NOT work.  I didn't spank much, becaue I felt guilty.  I was mom, dad, blablabla . . .albeit I loved every minute of it, some days were more difficult than others.  

My suggestion to you is, do what you are doing!  Explore new ideas and other avenues.  It one doesn't work, try another.  But give each one there due time.  Remember, it does take time and one day you will look back and think . . ."Wow, I wish I had known that then"!  xoxoxoxo to you and your family!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
One more thing, in my daughter's defense . . . so to speak . . . . SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A GREAT PERSON! I just wanted you to know this because I can only imagine (and remember my own) the things that may be going through your head with your own little ones!  I spank, I hugged, I cried, I yelled (probably more than I should have - IT DOES NOT WORK!), I prayed and even thought about running away . . .. I now have 2 GREAT GALS and, well, we are all 3 working on the baby of 17yrs!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I appreciate your comments to MY DAUGHTER, but the Bible STILL says "spare the rod, spoil the child". Nowhere does it say to beat them, but it DOES SAY, "SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD".  
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Once again, your comment floors me! IT IS NOT ILLEGAL TO SPANK YOUR CHILDREN.  Now.  It is illegal to "beat" them or "abuse" them.  But NOT to spank them.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Having raised 3, YUP, I CAN condone it . . .. AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THAT THE CHILD IS 3 . . . you wouldn't, obviously, want to "beat" him! Additionally, discipline begins at birth, at 3  . . .they know how to manipulate, they should learn . . . QUICKLY . . .NOT to do it!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Look I am big enough to know when I need advice and when I dont. My mother has great advice and I always listen to what my mother has to say but....(BUT)....it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion. Thats what I was doing...I ME I wanted to see if this kind of behavior is normal and you know what I got my answer but guess what it was not from you!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
CALM DOWN, MAN . . . golly if grandpa had been as high strung as you we would have all been in trouble . . . 1.  It is NOT (I repeat with emphasis NOT) illegal to spank your children.  Having worked in criminal defense for 17 years, I KNOW THIS AS A FACT.  2.  I said mine are grown, I have no 3 year old to spank, thanks for the offer.  3. Ever heard the old saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you"?  YOU DON'T HIT WITH IT, EITHER.  4.  My daughter knows that I have and give good advise, she chose to seek opinions of other INTELECTUAL people, please . . .this was not for you . . . SHE WAS TALKING TO THE LADY WITH A SIMILAR PROBLEM. Finally, in case you didn't read my daughter's response to YOU, BOOOOYAAAA---GRANDPA!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I feel as if spanking with the hand, rather than an object, gives you a sort of "reference of power/feeling" as to whether you are striking too hard or not enough.  If the swat hurts your hand and your child seems excessively upset, then maybe you have spanked too hard; the opposite would be true as well, in regards to swatting too lightly and the child disregards the action completely.  I say do what works for you in your situation.  If you are getting no results from what you are trying, then it's possible that you should try a new set of tricks.  Consistency and predictability are key in great parenting!  Best of luck to you! --(from a mom of a very difficult 3yo, too).
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
The yelling, screaming, crying and so forth are very very normal. We call it terrible twos, but no one ever says that it prolongs into threes. Spanking a three year old with a belt is a bit much. It seems to work yes because it hurts more than anything, but remember, this child will get use to the belt growing up, and it will be nothing to him by the time he is eight or nine, and you just may need it then. A three year old understands certain things to a certain extent, and yes they can act out to get their way. But understand, you do not under any circumstances have to give him what he wants. I have acheived diciplining my child by taking things away. You start with his favorite toys. Start putting them away and show him that he cannot play with these toys anymore until he behaves. Show him that your putting them in a garbage bag, yet hide them and do not let him see where you have hid them. Tell him when he does something good, one toy will come back. if he continues to be bad he will not see them again. Once he is bad again he toy will go back. You also have to have a time out corner or a room. If he acts up and starts kicking screaming, put him in that room, if he comes out put him back again, if he comes out again, put him back, this may take two to three hours.... but he will soon realize mommy and daddy means business and then he will say, they are really not going to give up. Any time you discipline a child you make sure you tell him or her why she is getting punished, and what she or he could have done to not have gotten in trouble. Understand when there is nothing to play with, they will start wanting their toys if they act up, its the time out room, and we can do that all day. Try it. It will not happen over night.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I am not going to criticize you for hitting your 3 yo w/ a belt but I will say that it wont help.  Screaming wont help.  You need to distract or use reverse pyscology with him.  When he says I want something at the store tell him that you already got it and it is home in the cupboard.  I do this and by the time we get home they forgot what they wanted and they stop the freak out in the store.  I didn't know any other way to deal with it.  My kids are 5 and 3 and they still act up occassionaly in the store but I found that if I lay the ground rules down in the car in the parking lot of the store before we go in by saying "look, mommy just needs to get a few things in the store, if you want to go in the store with me again this is how you are going to act, NO RUNNING, NO YELLING, NO CRYING  and stay by me walking calmly.  If after I am done getting what I need to get when we are in the checkout and you were good throughout the store I will reward you by getting you something in the checkout lane."  This seems to work wonders as well.  I hope this helps and good luck.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
UPDATE ON MY ISSUE .... It has now been over a month since we finally visited the dr. regarding behavior issues .... Dr. scheduled an appointment during his lunch hour so that he could evaluate.  He through an unholy fit right there in the dr. (he was not in the room so I did not think anything was going on, but he was taking note to what triggered him and note to how we went about disapline to him.) He came into the room finally after being in their for about an hour and then told us that when you say what we said about him being extremely stubborn and punishment not working (all the above mentioned previously.)  that people you tell dont really know because they have not seen on hand that this is NOT a NORMAL behavior for a 3 three year old.  He said that some children are just exemely STRONG WILLED and that is what Dylan is (said you dont know what one is until you have one). On a normal child the disapline we used would work.   He gave me an excellent book to read and a behavior punishment and reward program to go by ... thought I would share to help any other parents out their that is in our shoes.  Simple make a set of family rules ... post it on a poster board (he said even though he cannot read that it still would help.) along with a paddle, wooden spoon, belt (your choice) ... make him understand that these are our rules and if they are broken then he gets read the rule he broke from the rules board, goes to the timeout room (his bedroom is now just a bed and chest, all toys were moved to a playroom along with his dresser, so that he would not stand on top and jump.) and gets a SPANKING with the wooden spoon hanging above our rules (our choice) Dr. showed us how to spank our child on his own leg ...if interested ... said you spank one hard time right where the crack of the leg and bottom meet), the shut the door (which is now locked from the outside and we put his baby camera back in there to see what he is doing)  after he is through with his tantrum then we go in there and give him a hug, tell him that we love him, and that we do not do what ever the rule was that he did wrong and ask him to say sorry if he hurt someone.  Now if he is good for a period of time (not all day long - impossible for any three year old) he gets a prize out of the good jar, which is filled with sickers, matchbox cars, and other small toys and candy.  ... This seems to be working great, he still has days, but would more less say any three year old does we just had to have an action plan that everyone was on and does the same thing.  Dont get me wrong it did not happen over night, like the doctor said the first day will be the hardest could be about 50 times and then the 2nd day less and so on and so on.  Now he knows that we mean what we say or he is going to have to pay the concequence for breaking rules.  Sometimes we will remind him of a rule if it is not a big deal and ask him to stop or he will have to go to the timeout spot and usually straightens right up.  The down fall of all this is we have a daughter who we can just usually threaten and she straightens up.... Dr. said does not matter, everyone has to be on the same disapline plan.  If we go off we carry a set of our family rules and if he acts up then everyone else gets to stay and have fun and he will be taken out of the resuraunt or where ever with either mommy or daddy and the carseat turns into the time out room until he has straightened up and then he gets to come back inside ... we have only had to do this one time and he did not like the fact that everyone else got to eat dinner inside the restuarant and daddy and him ate dinner in the car. (he did get to come in and eat dessert inside because he did staighten up).  Also not sure if I mentioned make sure everyone calls the rule broke the same thing and in simple toddler terms. (No, hitting) I obey your laws & rules for all my ways are known to you PSALM 119:168.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I just read your previous entries.  Wondering how things have been with your son?  I too have a 3 year old son and your experiences are just like mine have been.  He is certainly a "strong willed child".  Very charming one minute and mean the next.  He preschool teacher don't see this side of him, which most people don't.  This disobient behavior is mostly at home or when I (mommy) is around.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Dont feel bad about spanking your child. Whoever stated in a post earlier,"spare the rod, spoil the child" is exactly right.  Time-outs just dont have the same effect. Maybe thats one of the reasons our world has turned into what it has today. I spank my almost 3 year old daughter with a wooden spoon.  I was spanked when I was little. Myself and 2 other siblings turned out fine.  We all have good morals, good jobs, and respect others.  Something that kids today LACK.  I feel there is a definite line- yes there are people who abuse their children, but to smack their butt when they are misbehaving, is perfectly ok.  The only advice I can give is to be consistent. I know its hard at the end of the day- being consistent takes a lot of patience and effort and it can be EXHAUSTING.  I still work at it with my daughter every day, but I believe one of these days she will eventually get it.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Hi there... I have not read all of the posts above but from one of your posts I think you are expecting too much from your three year old. Something like getting the child to do an activity with the older child and then afterwards telling the child that he should not stand in toy bins, etc. I think it is too much instruction for him to handle. Can you let him just do what he wants some day and not necessarily put him in a routine and see how he gets on? Perhaps he just wants to process out his own thoughts and actions in his own time
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I am having such a hard time disciplining my 3 yr old. Spanking, time outs nothing works!! He just laughs in our face. My husband and I have now started with soap on his mouth. But even that doesn't stop him sometimes. He gets in these really crazy moods where he just doesn't stop. I need so e aihhestions
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
469720_tn?1388149949
Blank
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm-treatable... Blank
Oct 04 by Lee Kirksey, MDBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Children's Health Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
134578_tn?1404951303
Blank
AnnieBrooke
OR
Avatar_m_tn
Blank
Sandman2
San Pedro, CA
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
4851940_tn?1385441629
Blank
jemma116
United Kingdom
480448_tn?1403547723
Blank
nursegirl6572
PA