3.5 yr old hitting issue

[Deepu Bhat]

He had to change 3 schools because of this behavior. In school, he hits kids when he doesn't get his way and he also hits to get attention/when he wants to initiate communication or play with them. But then he does that to younger kids also.
Some times when we are around we noticed that he is very gentle with kids want to play & share.
According to his teachers his hitting is unpredictable. He did hit his teachers many times. He also touches himself and gets very upset at that time if we/teacher try to stop. We have also heard complains like he doesn't like to sit during circle time. We have checked his attention span. As long he likes something he can spend hrs together. Also, can sit in front of TV for hrs! In general he is a smart kid. He knew all the Alphabets, many rhymes and used to count till 20 by the age of 2. Though he was an early speaker he doesn't talk fluently yet. He had a Nanny who used to speak different language & also went to multi language day cares. English is his second language. Some times I feel he has hard time communicating to teachers & other kids.
He does hit me sometimes. Talking to him & Time outs did not work. I have been trying 123 method & taking away toys, which worked for a while but then only at home. He is the only kid. Only interaction he has outside the house is at school. He is not exposed to domestic violence or any fights. We both work and respect each other. He is quite affectionate, loves his dad a lot and wants him around all the time. He loves to socialize with people. But some teachers have complained about him not making eye contact with them. According to us he is ok with eye contact. He doesn’t respond some times or does selective hearing/response. In the beginning, teachers used to ask whether he hears well! He does repeat things often when he hears something new. He is obsessed with tractors/trucks and wants to play, make stories around them and is not too much in to coloring or writing. However like us to read stories to him. We are trying to take him to story telling session so that he will sit better in the circle times. I noticed that he only sits if it interests him or else just doesn’t bother.   Our main worry is him hitting at school and getting expelled because of that/getting branded as a “bad boy”. I am trying to understand why he does that and how to help him with that. Any advise/techniques appreciated from the experts. Thanks in advance.    

[Deepu Bhat]

I just tried this checklist:  http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/adhd/l/bl_adhd_quiz.htm
From this it does not appear like ADHD to me. Appreciate any help from experts or people who have had such experience. Thanks.

[Deepu Bhat]

Thanks for the response. We are taking steps on getting him evaluated. Why do you think he may have ADHD? I remember going thro' the checklist online once and I thought he may not have because his attention/concentration is good as long he enjoys the task. I guess I am confused.

[momma_french]

I think and this is just my opinion but I think he has ADHD.  You may have a hard time getting someone to diagnose him at his age but I truly believe that this is the case.  Do you spank/hit him at home?  Children usually get the hitting thing from seeing it done.  It is a phase just like most other freaky things children do but I see your concern, ask the doctor next time your their if there is a counselor/therapist that could maybe have him checked for ADHD.  Also I would try not to give him attention for hitting but talk to him calmly and let him know that hitting in not going to be tolerated and he will lose a privalage for doing it.  I know taking away the TV will be hell for you but you must follow through the punishment once it is threatened or they will never take you seriously.  He knows how far he can push your buttons already he is a very smart child.  I would however have him seriously checked for ADHD.  Good Luck